what others think
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
what others think
Just wanted to share something else I've observed during my Al Anon time. I'd like to hear if it sounds familiar to anyone else.
I am changing in so many small ways. The most recent thing I've noticed is that I am not caring so much what other people think. Now for me, this is actually a big deal. I have lived my whole life trying to please everyone.
No, thats not worded right. I have my own goals and do my own thing. It would be more accurate to say I have lived my whole life trying not to rock the boat. Trying to keep everyone happy so as not to avoid confrontation/conflict. I seem to need everyone to like me.
I also feel I weighed outside opinions a little too heavily when puzzling over something. I hated to make a decision I did not think others would agree with. I didn't want to have to hear about it.
Well, lately, that has changed. I care what I think quite a bit more. I care what I want quite a bit more. I am finding myself making my own decisions, knowing others will not like it, and just figuring they'll have to deal with it.
I'm also starting to think they all don't have their lives under control any better than I do.
I used to think that life came with a set of manuals everyone got but me. How is it they just seem to KNOW how to do so many things while I panic with the responsibility of each one of them. How DO they time everything when they cook to be ready at the same time?
But now I am just starting to notice the things I do know. The good things about me. And I am realizing I don't know some of that stuff because I never cared about any of that stuff. And thats ok. If they don't like me because I don't like to cook thats ok. But if they need someone to help them with their investments or taxes, they may be glad I am who I am.
I am liking the life I am building where I make decisions more based on what I wnat than on making someone else happy. Has anyone else started to feel just better about who they were in general once they started detaching from their AH (and others) and started focusing on living life with themselves?
I am changing in so many small ways. The most recent thing I've noticed is that I am not caring so much what other people think. Now for me, this is actually a big deal. I have lived my whole life trying to please everyone.
No, thats not worded right. I have my own goals and do my own thing. It would be more accurate to say I have lived my whole life trying not to rock the boat. Trying to keep everyone happy so as not to avoid confrontation/conflict. I seem to need everyone to like me.
I also feel I weighed outside opinions a little too heavily when puzzling over something. I hated to make a decision I did not think others would agree with. I didn't want to have to hear about it.
Well, lately, that has changed. I care what I think quite a bit more. I care what I want quite a bit more. I am finding myself making my own decisions, knowing others will not like it, and just figuring they'll have to deal with it.
I'm also starting to think they all don't have their lives under control any better than I do.
I used to think that life came with a set of manuals everyone got but me. How is it they just seem to KNOW how to do so many things while I panic with the responsibility of each one of them. How DO they time everything when they cook to be ready at the same time?
But now I am just starting to notice the things I do know. The good things about me. And I am realizing I don't know some of that stuff because I never cared about any of that stuff. And thats ok. If they don't like me because I don't like to cook thats ok. But if they need someone to help them with their investments or taxes, they may be glad I am who I am.
I am liking the life I am building where I make decisions more based on what I wnat than on making someone else happy. Has anyone else started to feel just better about who they were in general once they started detaching from their AH (and others) and started focusing on living life with themselves?
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
J&M,
That is so awesome. I remembered the day I woke up and realized it didn't matter what others thought about me. I've spent my whole life hestitating to make a move or asking for others opinions, b/c I didn't want to look foolish and I didn't have confidence in myself. Now I realize that the only person I need to please is myself, and if others don't approve or understand, that's ok.
I'm so glad you made this discovery. The longer I'm in recovery, the more I realize that this journey is totally about me. My life is what I make of it.
Hugs,
JG
That is so awesome. I remembered the day I woke up and realized it didn't matter what others thought about me. I've spent my whole life hestitating to make a move or asking for others opinions, b/c I didn't want to look foolish and I didn't have confidence in myself. Now I realize that the only person I need to please is myself, and if others don't approve or understand, that's ok.
I'm so glad you made this discovery. The longer I'm in recovery, the more I realize that this journey is totally about me. My life is what I make of it.
Hugs,
JG
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Jesse and me,
This IS wonderful
Yes, I have made similar discoveries about myself.
I think for me, the changes are more in my marriage, and to do with my family.
I too used to NOT do things, or watch what I say, should something "upset" my husband, or my sis or mom or dad. I don't do that so much anymore - it's like you said, I just do what I want to and let the chips fall where they may.
But... I have not experienced this growth and success in the "outside" world.
There are times when I am like a teenager going off to the first day of school; completely stressing about what I will where, how my hair looks, and what others will think of me. I HATE this about myself. I hate that I do not have self-worth and confidence...
But, I am positive it is on its way... Often I feel "guided", and I can feel that there is healing in my path.
Soooo... Until THAT day,
Take care
Meg
This IS wonderful
Yes, I have made similar discoveries about myself.
I think for me, the changes are more in my marriage, and to do with my family.
I too used to NOT do things, or watch what I say, should something "upset" my husband, or my sis or mom or dad. I don't do that so much anymore - it's like you said, I just do what I want to and let the chips fall where they may.
But... I have not experienced this growth and success in the "outside" world.
There are times when I am like a teenager going off to the first day of school; completely stressing about what I will where, how my hair looks, and what others will think of me. I HATE this about myself. I hate that I do not have self-worth and confidence...
But, I am positive it is on its way... Often I feel "guided", and I can feel that there is healing in my path
.Soooo... Until THAT day,
Take care
Meg
Guest
Posts: n/a
I could not have said it better myself! When I moved out from my X (my A now , because I am back there) I felt the same sense of freedom and realization of not caring if others didn't "like" me. And to me that was just fine, that was their right not to like me, but I was not about to change to be something that someone else wanted me to be! THEN everything just fell back into place! Now that I am back with my A, and he is drinking even worse, I can see more now why I may have left in the first place. I have a better perspective on it. Embracy your freedom and grow, grow, grow!
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