Could use a pep talk for first Al Anon meeting
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
HAHAHAHAHA
No one will bite you, no one will tell you what to do, what you "may think you have done wrong"
You will meet people who are new like you are, others who have been there awhile.
All of them have the same basic interests.....
Having a healthier, happier life in spite of the effects of being affected by someone else's drinking. You will meet people who understand. And people who have learned tools to enhance and make their life better.
No one will bite you, no one will tell you what to do, what you "may think you have done wrong"
You will meet people who are new like you are, others who have been there awhile.
All of them have the same basic interests.....
Having a healthier, happier life in spite of the effects of being affected by someone else's drinking. You will meet people who understand. And people who have learned tools to enhance and make their life better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
You don't have to talk. You don't have to read, and if a book gets passed to you and you don't want to read pass it to the next person. You don't have to look at anyone. And if you cry someone will pass you a box of tissues. You also don't have to give a donation until after you think Alanon might be for you.
You can go and sit and listen and be surrounded by a group of people that have been there too. They understand.
You can go and sit and listen and be surrounded by a group of people that have been there too. They understand.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
GO! You will be so happy you went. You will see people there who are just like you, and all of the sudden things become a little clearer. I just went to second one last nite and am so glad I went. Several of the things we discussed floated around in my head all day long.
Remember, everyone there is alike - we all are bothered by someone else s' drinking. Not a single person there will wonder what you are doing there.
Remember, everyone there is alike - we all are bothered by someone else s' drinking. Not a single person there will wonder what you are doing there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 273
I always tell people to remember to try more than one meeting if the first isn't a good fit.
Also, remember that the people in the room have seen and heard everything. Nothing in anyone's life will shock, surprise or cause an eye brow to raise.
I spent my first meeting on the verge of tears the entire time. Some one asked me my name at the end and I couldn't even speak because I would have just burst out in hysterical sobbing. No one cared. They just gave me my space.
Also, remember that the people in the room have seen and heard everything. Nothing in anyone's life will shock, surprise or cause an eye brow to raise.
I spent my first meeting on the verge of tears the entire time. Some one asked me my name at the end and I couldn't even speak because I would have just burst out in hysterical sobbing. No one cared. They just gave me my space.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
I was the exact same way when I decided to give Al-anon a try. I remember going 2 years ago and crying the entire time I was there. I was so angry inside thinking why am I here and he is home drinking his face off....why am I spending my time when he has the problem.
I really had no idea how sick I was back then....I just wanted a place to go and vent about him and ask questions like why do we all put up with it....then I turned away and went back to it for 2 more years.
The next time I decided to go was when I realized how much I was being affected by alcoholism and that I needed to do something for me....to make me begin the journey of healing the wounds I had....and not just from alcoholism....deep wounds that haunted me my entire adult life.
It was and is the best decision I have ever made for me. And it gets better each week....I look forward to it now. I feel honored to know these people and learn so much from their journey. I thank God everyday that I got out of my car and walked towards that meeting....scared yes....but I took a deep breath and got out of the car and I haven't looked back since.....they are my new family now.
I hope you give it a try because it works.
I really had no idea how sick I was back then....I just wanted a place to go and vent about him and ask questions like why do we all put up with it....then I turned away and went back to it for 2 more years.
The next time I decided to go was when I realized how much I was being affected by alcoholism and that I needed to do something for me....to make me begin the journey of healing the wounds I had....and not just from alcoholism....deep wounds that haunted me my entire adult life.
It was and is the best decision I have ever made for me. And it gets better each week....I look forward to it now. I feel honored to know these people and learn so much from their journey. I thank God everyday that I got out of my car and walked towards that meeting....scared yes....but I took a deep breath and got out of the car and I haven't looked back since.....they are my new family now.
I hope you give it a try because it works.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Yippee! I did it!
I made it all the way in the door this time, and it far exceeded my expectations. I went to a newcomer's meeting, then a regular meeting immediately following. There was so much warmth there, and I felt so welcome.
Thanks for the support. If anyone is reading this who hasn't been to Al Anon, I echo what was posted in this thread. It is worth trying.
Thanks for the support. If anyone is reading this who hasn't been to Al Anon, I echo what was posted in this thread. It is worth trying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 72
Thanks Trapeze
I have been contemplating going to a meeting as well.
The last time I got my courage together and went there was no meeting. It ended up being me and a young girl standing in front of a church. She said she was waiting for a friend. We both ended up leaving after 20 minutes of waiting.
That was more than a year ago.
Not meaning to high jack your thread, but is it even smart of me to try to go to the same meeting, same church again? It is just the most conveniently located one.
Thank you
I have been contemplating going to a meeting as well.
The last time I got my courage together and went there was no meeting. It ended up being me and a young girl standing in front of a church. She said she was waiting for a friend. We both ended up leaving after 20 minutes of waiting.
That was more than a year ago.
Not meaning to high jack your thread, but is it even smart of me to try to go to the same meeting, same church again? It is just the most conveniently located one.
Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
I went to a different meeting. I wanted a new start, and I had this silly thought that someone might have seen me drive in and pull out of the parking lot. As if the world is watching my every move! Now I'm thinking of going back to the first place. It is closest to my house.
I am not a "joiner", and I don't like meeting new people, but it was great. There were people who were steady on their feet, and people who were crying the whole time. But yet, it was upbeat. Really hard to explain.
I am not a "joiner", and I don't like meeting new people, but it was great. There were people who were steady on their feet, and people who were crying the whole time. But yet, it was upbeat. Really hard to explain.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by trapeze 
I went to a different meeting. I wanted a new start, and I had this silly thought that someone might have seen me drive in and pull out of the parking lot. As if the world is watching my every move! Now I'm thinking of going back to the first place. It is closest to my house.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: east siiiide
Posts: 254
I'm glad you got the courage to go!
I went to my first one on Sunday, then another one two days later. It was good.. just to be out of the house, out of the insanity.
I was afraid I wouldn't go in--I'd looked up meetings before but never actually went. I told myself I was strong and courageous and told myself that I had been through much more difficult things than this, and if I didn't like it I just wouldn't go back! I also thought in my head, well you can drive there, and just sit outside, and if it doesn't feel right then you can leave. As soon as I parked I got out of the car, figuring that once people saw me I'd be too chicken to go back to the car and leave!
I was very glad to have gone though. To those who said they cried / felt like they were going to cry the whole time, that's me. I only ever cry during arguments and at home with AH.. not hardly ever in public or around friends or family (at least until lately, now I finally opened the flood gates!). I tried so hard to hold it in, but the moment I spoke my voice got so shaky and tears were coming. The thing I hate about crying is that I can't talk. I want to talk!! I left with a huge headache all night from the first meeting from trying to hold in the emotion the whole hour.
I've been doing a LOT of deep breathing!
I just thought the nicest thing was that someone (many someones!) was listening to me for once. I feel like I've been talking and talking to myself for years. For the first time someone was listening to me, they heard me, the cared, and they didn't just try to tell me what to do about it to fix my problem and get over it. I could finally stop thinking these thoughts because they were out in the world and someone had heard them. It felt very liberating..
I went to my first one on Sunday, then another one two days later. It was good.. just to be out of the house, out of the insanity.
I was afraid I wouldn't go in--I'd looked up meetings before but never actually went. I told myself I was strong and courageous and told myself that I had been through much more difficult things than this, and if I didn't like it I just wouldn't go back! I also thought in my head, well you can drive there, and just sit outside, and if it doesn't feel right then you can leave. As soon as I parked I got out of the car, figuring that once people saw me I'd be too chicken to go back to the car and leave!
I was very glad to have gone though. To those who said they cried / felt like they were going to cry the whole time, that's me. I only ever cry during arguments and at home with AH.. not hardly ever in public or around friends or family (at least until lately, now I finally opened the flood gates!). I tried so hard to hold it in, but the moment I spoke my voice got so shaky and tears were coming. The thing I hate about crying is that I can't talk. I want to talk!! I left with a huge headache all night from the first meeting from trying to hold in the emotion the whole hour.
I've been doing a LOT of deep breathing!
I just thought the nicest thing was that someone (many someones!) was listening to me for once. I feel like I've been talking and talking to myself for years. For the first time someone was listening to me, they heard me, the cared, and they didn't just try to tell me what to do about it to fix my problem and get over it. I could finally stop thinking these thoughts because they were out in the world and someone had heard them. It felt very liberating..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Congratulations. You did it! I understand every bit of your post.
You know what got me? At the end we stood in a circle and held hands. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had held my hand. I am tearing up now just thinking about it! Then, when it was over people in the parking lot remembered my name said goodbye, please come back. I've felt invisible so long, it was amazing for someone to care what I did.
You know what got me? At the end we stood in a circle and held hands. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had held my hand. I am tearing up now just thinking about it! Then, when it was over people in the parking lot remembered my name said goodbye, please come back. I've felt invisible so long, it was amazing for someone to care what I did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
I am so proud of you Trapeze....You will come to look forward to the meetings and the strength and struggles these people share will forever change your life....they have given me so much in such a short time....I am just so proud of you for making that first step!
Congratulations!!
Congratulations!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
I am also proud of you too honoryourself....it takes a lot of courage sometimes to come out of the isolation and into a meeting filled with people who know exactly what we are going through....sometimes when it is my turn to talk I cry even today....almost shocked at how easy it is to express my feelings openly and allowing myself tears....they are tears of change....
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