Very new to all this..need help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 3
Very new to all this..need help.
Hi everyone, I am hoping that maybe some of you can help me and give me honest, sound advice.
I have never dealt with alcoholics before, the only alcoholic I knew of was my father's ex-wife. Now I am with one. My boyfriend is an alcoholic..I've known that for a while. I've been thinking that I've been doing the right thing all the time, but from all the reading that I have done I realize that I am only promoting this behavior. That's whats hurting me a lot right now.
I guess I should start with his behaviors, which I am sure all of you are familiar with already. There will be days where he does not drink, a couple of days and that will happen after he's drinked himself so stupid or said horrible things to me while drinking. When I try to confront his behaviors, it turns into what my bad behaviors are and it just continues on from there. He's driven home drunk from work..I can't tell you how many times. Now that we only have one car which is mine, he uses that for work but the fact that it is mine does not matter because he's driven home drunk with it as well.
He becomes a totally different person while drinking and not the person I fell in love with. We have had so many arguments and they've hurt me so bad because they all pertained to me even though I have never done him wrong. But in his drunk mind that's what he always thinks. He says he can't deal with stress so drinking makes him better. I've had to watch him and make sure he's breathing when he passes out cold, carry him to the bed, set his alarm for work. Plenty of times where he's told me he's finally going to stop, promising me..but it ends up a lie and an empty promise.
We are expecting our first child together and he swears up and down this will make him stop for good but at this point I can't believe him at all. Last night was the first time he's actually urinated himself and has had to miss work in the morning. And of course this morning, I hear what I have always had "this has got to stop, I can't do this anymore and hurt you"
Today is supposed to be a wonderful day, we get to see our child on the ultrasound but I feel crappy now as does he.
I want to help him, I do truly love him enough in my heart to be able to deal with all this but I want help onto what to do from this point on. From what I can see, his disease is only getting worse and I really think his body is not able to handle it anymore and that is what is scaring me now.
I deeply appreciate any responses <3
I have never dealt with alcoholics before, the only alcoholic I knew of was my father's ex-wife. Now I am with one. My boyfriend is an alcoholic..I've known that for a while. I've been thinking that I've been doing the right thing all the time, but from all the reading that I have done I realize that I am only promoting this behavior. That's whats hurting me a lot right now.
I guess I should start with his behaviors, which I am sure all of you are familiar with already. There will be days where he does not drink, a couple of days and that will happen after he's drinked himself so stupid or said horrible things to me while drinking. When I try to confront his behaviors, it turns into what my bad behaviors are and it just continues on from there. He's driven home drunk from work..I can't tell you how many times. Now that we only have one car which is mine, he uses that for work but the fact that it is mine does not matter because he's driven home drunk with it as well.
He becomes a totally different person while drinking and not the person I fell in love with. We have had so many arguments and they've hurt me so bad because they all pertained to me even though I have never done him wrong. But in his drunk mind that's what he always thinks. He says he can't deal with stress so drinking makes him better. I've had to watch him and make sure he's breathing when he passes out cold, carry him to the bed, set his alarm for work. Plenty of times where he's told me he's finally going to stop, promising me..but it ends up a lie and an empty promise.
We are expecting our first child together and he swears up and down this will make him stop for good but at this point I can't believe him at all. Last night was the first time he's actually urinated himself and has had to miss work in the morning. And of course this morning, I hear what I have always had "this has got to stop, I can't do this anymore and hurt you"
Today is supposed to be a wonderful day, we get to see our child on the ultrasound but I feel crappy now as does he.
I want to help him, I do truly love him enough in my heart to be able to deal with all this but I want help onto what to do from this point on. From what I can see, his disease is only getting worse and I really think his body is not able to handle it anymore and that is what is scaring me now.
I deeply appreciate any responses <3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
I'm new too, Silverrose. Somebody wonderful and helpful will respond to you soon, I'm sure. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain, and have experienced many of the same things. You are not alone. This forum is a wonderful, safe place. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Saying horrible things to the person you're supposed to love is unacceptable behavior, regardless of the "excuse".
The addictions counselor my AH saw prior to entering rehab made clear that if you're drinking to reduce stress, you're sitting on a ticking timebomb.
This isn't really what you wanted to hear, but I'm going to lay it out anyway:
His behavior is only going to get worse. If he's pissing all over himself now, he'll be leaving poop filled underwear on the kitchen counter in no time. Ask me how I know
Alcoholism is a progressive problem, things don't get better, they only get much much worse. His empty promises are just that, empty. Actions speak volumes, words from an alcoholic are worthless.
You cannot help him. You can't control him. You can't fix him, and your presence won't save him.
What can you do? Get yourself somewhere safe and healthy, so that you can be there fully engaged for that precious child you have on the way. Doing this while living with an active alcoholic would be impossible for most of us, for me it was.
Educate yourself about just what exactly you're dealing with, SR and the stickies at the top of this forum are a great place to start.
I wish you the best
The addictions counselor my AH saw prior to entering rehab made clear that if you're drinking to reduce stress, you're sitting on a ticking timebomb.
Last night was the first time he's actually urinated himself and has had to miss work in the morning. And of course this morning, I hear what I have always had "this has got to stop, I can't do this anymore and hurt you"
His behavior is only going to get worse. If he's pissing all over himself now, he'll be leaving poop filled underwear on the kitchen counter in no time. Ask me how I know
Alcoholism is a progressive problem, things don't get better, they only get much much worse. His empty promises are just that, empty. Actions speak volumes, words from an alcoholic are worthless.You cannot help him. You can't control him. You can't fix him, and your presence won't save him.
What can you do? Get yourself somewhere safe and healthy, so that you can be there fully engaged for that precious child you have on the way. Doing this while living with an active alcoholic would be impossible for most of us, for me it was.
Educate yourself about just what exactly you're dealing with, SR and the stickies at the top of this forum are a great place to start.
I wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hello silverrose and welcome to SR.
While you wait for more replies, I suggest you take a peek at the sticky threads @ the top of the page. It's good you are seeking out help from others who have the same experience; people here who understand, what it's like to live with an alcoholic.
I suggest you take a look at the other F&F forum for Adult Children...to learn what might be in store for your child. There's hope for a better life for you both regardless of what your bf chooses to do with his life.
Take care and as they say in Al-Anon "keep coming back."
While you wait for more replies, I suggest you take a peek at the sticky threads @ the top of the page. It's good you are seeking out help from others who have the same experience; people here who understand, what it's like to live with an alcoholic.
I suggest you take a look at the other F&F forum for Adult Children...to learn what might be in store for your child. There's hope for a better life for you both regardless of what your bf chooses to do with his life.
Take care and as they say in Al-Anon "keep coming back."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Welcome to SR, Silverrose. Anvilhead has given you some very good information as have the others who have suggested you check out the stickies at the top of the forum.
Congratulations on the baby, I am sorry that this exciting and wonderful time in your life is overshadowed by your ABF's problems.
You did not cause his drinking, you cannot cure his drinking and you cannot control his drinking.
He will change when and if he is ready to and there is nothing that you can to do speed up that process. Your best bet right now is to take the focus off of him and look at yourself and what is best RIGHT NOW, TODAY, for you and your baby.
Keep coming here. You will meet a lot of people who have been where you are, people are right now where you are, and together we will find some sanity and serenity in this world.
Congratulations on the baby, I am sorry that this exciting and wonderful time in your life is overshadowed by your ABF's problems.
You did not cause his drinking, you cannot cure his drinking and you cannot control his drinking.
He will change when and if he is ready to and there is nothing that you can to do speed up that process. Your best bet right now is to take the focus off of him and look at yourself and what is best RIGHT NOW, TODAY, for you and your baby.
Keep coming here. You will meet a lot of people who have been where you are, people are right now where you are, and together we will find some sanity and serenity in this world.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi silver rose-
i've walked a mile in your shoes. i too had never lived with an alcoholic and i too ended up pregnant and he too swore he would quit drinking. same pattern with the drinking himself sick, promising it was the last time and then binge again. around and around it goes. it picks up speed. just when you think it can't get worse, it does.
mine was out drinking whilst i went to the ultrasound alone.
when i got pregnant, i ceased all drinking. he drank more. he said it was the pressure of the baby coming. you'd have thought he was carrying it.
as the months passed by, he drank more. i saw less of him.
mine would urinate the bed also. i cleaned it. i got my own bed. then i got my own room in our house. he didn't sleep well and kept me up all night. then he started falling asleep drunk with a cigarette in his hand. i thought he's going to burn the house down.
that's when i came here and raised my "i surrender" flag. all my love couldn't fix his drinking. i learned that i didn't cause it, i can't cure it and i can't control it.
i left mine. i feel much better. it's almost a year later now. he's still drinking.
i've walked a mile in your shoes. i too had never lived with an alcoholic and i too ended up pregnant and he too swore he would quit drinking. same pattern with the drinking himself sick, promising it was the last time and then binge again. around and around it goes. it picks up speed. just when you think it can't get worse, it does.
mine was out drinking whilst i went to the ultrasound alone.
when i got pregnant, i ceased all drinking. he drank more. he said it was the pressure of the baby coming. you'd have thought he was carrying it.
as the months passed by, he drank more. i saw less of him.
mine would urinate the bed also. i cleaned it. i got my own bed. then i got my own room in our house. he didn't sleep well and kept me up all night. then he started falling asleep drunk with a cigarette in his hand. i thought he's going to burn the house down.
that's when i came here and raised my "i surrender" flag. all my love couldn't fix his drinking. i learned that i didn't cause it, i can't cure it and i can't control it.
i left mine. i feel much better. it's almost a year later now. he's still drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 3
It's hard to read some of the responses here even though I know what you all say comes from your own experience.
I love him very much and I know that's not enough. I want my baby to have a decent father and I know he can be. He was sober for 3 years and boom went off the wagon again in these past few months, I thought it was my fault.
He has a bunch of excuses as to why he does it besides stress. He doesn't want to be boring around me etc. even though I hate him when he drinks.
The ultrasound went well today and we are expecting a baby boy. He's been feeling guilty all day and the only things I've told him were that I'd be here but not that I believed him. I just am learning to stop accepting the behavior.
I have a huge heart and I just want the best. I know to take care of myself and I have been, but with all these responses now I feel almost hopeless. I don't want to leave him, I just want it to get better even if it takes a long time. I know thats not what some of you may want to hear but I am a believer in hope..and if that ends up kicking me in the butt then so be it.
I love him very much and I know that's not enough. I want my baby to have a decent father and I know he can be. He was sober for 3 years and boom went off the wagon again in these past few months, I thought it was my fault.
He has a bunch of excuses as to why he does it besides stress. He doesn't want to be boring around me etc. even though I hate him when he drinks.
The ultrasound went well today and we are expecting a baby boy. He's been feeling guilty all day and the only things I've told him were that I'd be here but not that I believed him. I just am learning to stop accepting the behavior.
I have a huge heart and I just want the best. I know to take care of myself and I have been, but with all these responses now I feel almost hopeless. I don't want to leave him, I just want it to get better even if it takes a long time. I know thats not what some of you may want to hear but I am a believer in hope..and if that ends up kicking me in the butt then so be it.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Do you have alanon meetings in your area? It is a wonderful place to go for an hour and meet with people who have lived with alcoholic loved ones. You will be welcomed there, just like here - we understand.
One of the things we will gently try to get you to do is look at yourself. We will encourage you to see you as an equal partner in this relationship. You have equal rights to be cared for, loved, respected, encouraged, supported and appreciated.
While living with active alcoholism, our attention becomes focused on the other partner. We watch for signs of stress that could trigger another binge. We watch for signs of anger that could trigger angry outbursts. We watch for signs of large quantities of alcohol that could rob our family budget. We become obsessed with the alcoholic and begin to neglect ourselves.
You are important! You are special! You are extra special! You have precious cargo that is developing lungs, heart, brain and vital organs!
We are here to support you. You will find lots of information here. Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home.
P.S. My alcoholic also lost control of his body functions too.
Do you have alanon meetings in your area? It is a wonderful place to go for an hour and meet with people who have lived with alcoholic loved ones. You will be welcomed there, just like here - we understand.
One of the things we will gently try to get you to do is look at yourself. We will encourage you to see you as an equal partner in this relationship. You have equal rights to be cared for, loved, respected, encouraged, supported and appreciated.
While living with active alcoholism, our attention becomes focused on the other partner. We watch for signs of stress that could trigger another binge. We watch for signs of anger that could trigger angry outbursts. We watch for signs of large quantities of alcohol that could rob our family budget. We become obsessed with the alcoholic and begin to neglect ourselves.
You are important! You are special! You are extra special! You have precious cargo that is developing lungs, heart, brain and vital organs!
We are here to support you. You will find lots of information here. Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home.
P.S. My alcoholic also lost control of his body functions too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
silver rose-
it is best to accept them as they currently are and make any decisions from that point of view. try to let go of your expectations and see him AS HE IS rather than the man you wish he was.
it was helpful for me to pay attention to what the alcoholic DOES rather than what he SAYS.
for example:
he SAYS the coming baby will make him stop but what does he DO? he drinks so much he pees the bed.
if he wants help, it is available via AA. it is free. you don't have to be an alcoholic to go, you just have to want to stop drinking.
it is best to accept them as they currently are and make any decisions from that point of view. try to let go of your expectations and see him AS HE IS rather than the man you wish he was.
it was helpful for me to pay attention to what the alcoholic DOES rather than what he SAYS.
for example:
he SAYS the coming baby will make him stop but what does he DO? he drinks so much he pees the bed.
if he wants help, it is available via AA. it is free. you don't have to be an alcoholic to go, you just have to want to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 17
Hi Silverrose, I could have almost written your post. I have been where you are, and here I am now with a 5 month old and an alcoholic boyfriend who is a great dad, yet still an alcoholic and struggling in recovery. I'm very new here too, so I don't have much advice, but this board is INVALUABLE!!!
Also, I attended AlAnon a few times when I was pregnant big stomach and all and it was great - its not about leaving or staying with alcoholic, its about helping yourself regardless and FOCUSING ON YOURSELF. Even if you go once, I bet you will learn a lot.
Congratulations on your baby boy to be! This is a wonderful time in your life, and believe me even though I know it sucks having an alcoholic as part of it - don't let him spoil the pregnancy, enjoy all the wonderful feelings that come from knowing you are about to bring a wonderful little guy into the world and be a wonderful mother!
Also, I attended AlAnon a few times when I was pregnant big stomach and all and it was great - its not about leaving or staying with alcoholic, its about helping yourself regardless and FOCUSING ON YOURSELF. Even if you go once, I bet you will learn a lot.
Congratulations on your baby boy to be! This is a wonderful time in your life, and believe me even though I know it sucks having an alcoholic as part of it - don't let him spoil the pregnancy, enjoy all the wonderful feelings that come from knowing you are about to bring a wonderful little guy into the world and be a wonderful mother!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by silverrose 
I love him very much and I know that's not enough. I want my baby to have a decent father and I know he can be.
Parenthood does not cure addiction/alcoholism.
Can you accept him as he is?
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hello silverrose, welcome
You say you have a big heart. Is it big enough to cover you and your son? Why are his needs and "wellbeing" more important than yours and your son's? You two are equally important.
Here I learned in life there are things I control and others (99.99%) that I can't. You can't control him or his way of drinking. You never did and you will never be able to do it.
Just like naive I left about a year ago. I hear this guy goes to work drunk. Progression.
All the promises were empty. It was Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And still is. I've been told many times words take much more time to heal than physical hits. Its like you absorb all the pain while they say they forgot and expect you to be normal the next day. Its horrible and a very lonely place. Its called verbal abuse.
Also I wanted to tell you CONGRATS on your pregnancy This a very special time for you as a woman. I have not had any kids but a friend just had a baby and it was very special to share these last months with her. The spark in her eyes. My mom always says it was her best time ever!
Please, take care of you and your son. Try to see it as a silent movie. What is the actor expressing? Words are easy to say. Actions, see the actions, they tell everything. Just like your gut.
This applies to yourself as well. You seem very caring and tender. So, your acts need to be caring and tender TO YOURSELF and to your baby. They say happiness is when your thoughts, intentions, feelings and acts are all aligned.
You are not alone! I am glad you are in SR. :ghug3
You say you have a big heart. Is it big enough to cover you and your son? Why are his needs and "wellbeing" more important than yours and your son's? You two are equally important.
Here I learned in life there are things I control and others (99.99%) that I can't. You can't control him or his way of drinking. You never did and you will never be able to do it.
Just like naive I left about a year ago. I hear this guy goes to work drunk. Progression.
All the promises were empty. It was Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And still is. I've been told many times words take much more time to heal than physical hits. Its like you absorb all the pain while they say they forgot and expect you to be normal the next day. Its horrible and a very lonely place. Its called verbal abuse.
Also I wanted to tell you CONGRATS on your pregnancy
This a very special time for you as a woman. I have not had any kids but a friend just had a baby and it was very special to share these last months with her. The spark in her eyes. My mom always says it was her best time ever! Please, take care of you and your son. Try to see it as a silent movie. What is the actor expressing? Words are easy to say. Actions, see the actions, they tell everything. Just like your gut.
This applies to yourself as well. You seem very caring and tender. So, your acts need to be caring and tender TO YOURSELF and to your baby. They say happiness is when your thoughts, intentions, feelings and acts are all aligned.
You are not alone! I am glad you are in SR. :ghug3
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 10-13-2009 at 07:23 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 3
tealover..thank you, it's nice to know there is someone who is in a very similiar situation as me (having a child etc)
It is very hard..I don't have my mom around anymore to talk to about my problems, there are a lot of times where I have to deal with it on my own. I know I have neglected myself and stressed myself over someone who clearly is only focusing on himself at this point.
I am trying, I am. It's hard with limited family and resources. Sometimes if it gets unbearable, I go into our bedroom and just lye there until it's over and I know thats not fair, but I know thats the only way I can protect myself at this point. Is that the right thing to do?, just walk away when the madness starts?
I know, actions speak louder then words. I told him, I am sorry..I just don't believe you.
I love myself and my son..I dont know why his needs are coming before ours. I've always been that way, I put others ahead of myself because of how much I care.
I guess that my only thing to do right now is wait for him to do the right thing and see his actions and start to focus on myself.
You all have been wonderful and though some words seemed harsh I know you guys are just being honest and I appreciate that.
It is very hard..I don't have my mom around anymore to talk to about my problems, there are a lot of times where I have to deal with it on my own. I know I have neglected myself and stressed myself over someone who clearly is only focusing on himself at this point.
I am trying, I am. It's hard with limited family and resources. Sometimes if it gets unbearable, I go into our bedroom and just lye there until it's over and I know thats not fair, but I know thats the only way I can protect myself at this point. Is that the right thing to do?, just walk away when the madness starts?
I know, actions speak louder then words. I told him, I am sorry..I just don't believe you.
I love myself and my son..I dont know why his needs are coming before ours. I've always been that way, I put others ahead of myself because of how much I care.
I guess that my only thing to do right now is wait for him to do the right thing and see his actions and start to focus on myself.
You all have been wonderful and though some words seemed harsh I know you guys are just being honest and I appreciate that.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
just walk away when the madness starts?
Yes! One of the first things you get at an alanon meeting is a welcome packet.
One of the things I learned from my welcome packet was "Do Not Engage with and Alcoholic when they have been drinking."
At best, you get irrational responses. At worst, you get angry outbursts. Just not worth the effort, time or energy. Besides, they often forget anything you said.
Your caring, and loving heart is allowing you to put others needs before your own. That is also a sign of codependency. Melody Beattie wrote a book called "Codependent No More". See if you can find a copy at your local library. I bet, like me, you will recognize yourself on the pages.
Yes! One of the first things you get at an alanon meeting is a welcome packet.
One of the things I learned from my welcome packet was "Do Not Engage with and Alcoholic when they have been drinking."
At best, you get irrational responses. At worst, you get angry outbursts. Just not worth the effort, time or energy. Besides, they often forget anything you said.
Your caring, and loving heart is allowing you to put others needs before your own. That is also a sign of codependency. Melody Beattie wrote a book called "Codependent No More". See if you can find a copy at your local library. I bet, like me, you will recognize yourself on the pages.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Congratulations on your baby!
As a mom I am thinking about how very easy it is for you to protect your baby now. It gets more complicated once the baby is born and his alcoholic father is in the picture. I hope that by then he will be seeking help, but who knows. Planning to quit and quitting are two entirely different things. Alcoholics always have the best intentions, and generally want credit for intentions versus behavior. Such is the disease of alcoholism.
I went to my first Al Anon meeting tonight and can't say enough in support of trying a meeting.
Good luck, keep posting.
As a mom I am thinking about how very easy it is for you to protect your baby now. It gets more complicated once the baby is born and his alcoholic father is in the picture. I hope that by then he will be seeking help, but who knows. Planning to quit and quitting are two entirely different things. Alcoholics always have the best intentions, and generally want credit for intentions versus behavior. Such is the disease of alcoholism.
I went to my first Al Anon meeting tonight and can't say enough in support of trying a meeting.
Good luck, keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 17
Yes, do not engage or talk to him when he is drinking/comes home drunk. I know thats so hard - you just want to shake the crap out of them and say "what are you thinking!" What I used to do was if my ABF was out drinking, I sent him a text saying "couch" and he knew to sleep on the couch and not to even come in the bedroom so I wouldnt have to see or smell him or talk to him.
I spent my entire pregnancy mostly alone - he was out all the damn time. I did however, do positive things like go to prenatal yoga, swimming, lots of walks outside, ate right, and took great joy in all the shopping you will do getting ready for the baby and made a wonderful baby book
Also, as hard as this may seem right now, I'd start thinking of a potential plan if he chooses not to get help. Life with a newborn is very challenging (yet wonderful!) and you will be far too occupied with your baby to worry about another baby, lol.
P.S. I'm not quite on the up and up about how this website works yet, but if you can add me as friend or want to send me a message, feel free.
I spent my entire pregnancy mostly alone - he was out all the damn time. I did however, do positive things like go to prenatal yoga, swimming, lots of walks outside, ate right, and took great joy in all the shopping you will do getting ready for the baby
and made a wonderful baby book Also, as hard as this may seem right now, I'd start thinking of a potential plan if he chooses not to get help. Life with a newborn is very challenging (yet wonderful!) and you will be far too occupied with your baby to worry about another baby, lol.
P.S. I'm not quite on the up and up about how this website works yet, but if you can add me as friend or want to send me a message, feel free.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
silver rose-
you are not alone. we are here with you. lean on us. pray for direction and guidance. once i realized what a hornet's nest i was in after the people here opened my eyes, i started going to alanon. i began everyday on my knees, literally. i woke, made the bed and got down on my knees, praying for the courage, strength and endurance to face whatever the day brought.
i like you, wanted to help my alcoholic get well. the problem is, that unless they want help and admit a problem, you do not help them by always giving them a soft spot to land. in doing this, we enable the disease to progress. not helpful at all!
the previous advice is sound: you cannot reason with a drunk. it's impossible! you do well to separate and rest until it passes.
detach, detach, detach!
you are not alone. we are here with you. lean on us. pray for direction and guidance. once i realized what a hornet's nest i was in after the people here opened my eyes, i started going to alanon. i began everyday on my knees, literally. i woke, made the bed and got down on my knees, praying for the courage, strength and endurance to face whatever the day brought.
i like you, wanted to help my alcoholic get well. the problem is, that unless they want help and admit a problem, you do not help them by always giving them a soft spot to land. in doing this, we enable the disease to progress. not helpful at all!
the previous advice is sound: you cannot reason with a drunk. it's impossible! you do well to separate and rest until it passes.
detach, detach, detach!
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