Live

I did something similar shortly after I first found SR.
I came on each day and counted days of no contact, same as if I were counting days of sobriety. The first 30 days were rewarded by my having the accountability and the count. The next 2 years were easy.
I talked about him alot until I started that count, then I stopped. I tried to only talk about me, or I simply posted my daily count.

wanting

That's a good idea.

sailorjohn

Uh, have to point this out, but if you're getting drunk codependency might be the least of your problems.

Still Waters

I was wondering about that one myself sailorjohn.

transformyself

Not every one who gets drunk is an alcoholic. All though getting drunk ain't the best thing to do for your hydration level, coordination or sense of well being the next day.

Mitsy

I never did give Robert any money & he never asked for any but the part about putting ourselves in situations that have so much capacity for hurt & disappointment is right up my alley. That is what I keep telling myself when I start to feel bad about the past. It's stuff that is over with, and it was all due to his drunken, bizarre behavior.

If I were foolish enough to give him a call, the cycle would likely continue. He'd be better for a while only to go back to his boozing to where he was verbally abusive once again. What is still hard for me to understand (and I'm not trying to understand as much anymore) but it involves the fact that even a drunk at some point should learn that someone can only forgive so many times and after that...they are done. How he thought that I could continue to forgive & go back to him is still hard to imagine but I'm positive that is what he was wanting when he called on my birthday & left the sappy message about missing me. He was probably very sincere, but his resolve for staying sober never lasted for any length of time. His embarrassment and shame never lasted for any length of time and his inability to want to get help always remained.

I'm sure Robert is a very lonely guy today but that is HIS fault and no one else's. It does hurt & it does take time to get over someone but I just keep telling myself that it can be done. I've done it before although this one has been tougher because there was once true love between us. The loss of that is what addiction ruins.

TakingCharge999

Thank you live.

No contact=Protection for ourselves=The only way to "win"=Not to play.

I overheard F while working and I had two options

/Stay and know about his activities and suffer for the Nth time
/Leave.

Coincidentally my lunch arrived at the moment and I left.

It is very powerful to leave the quacking to ducks and some humans.
:ghug2

Live

I tried not to give him "free rent" in my head. Of course, I cannot control all my thoughts, but I can choose to try to ignore them and not engage in them.

TakingCharge999

YouTube - Breathe - Telepopmusik

Eye candy at 0:17
Lyrics are great...

transformyself

Well, AH came over and put the kids to bed while I worked and grocery shopped. I did not engage, was polite, but felt a little funny when he was leaving, knowing what he's doing.

Then it hit me, I DONT HAVE TO CARE! This is not my problem. He and all his stuff is none of my business and not my problem anymore.
I think I too am no longer in love wtih him. He killed it. He killed my love for and devotion to him. Bloodied it and kicked it over a mountain.

I am a little lonely, even if he's a selfish self absorbed jerk, I still had contact with another adult during the day.

But I will find someone eventually who does love and respect me.

First I gotta do it myself..