New, hello.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 17
New, hello.
Hi, this is my first time I'm on this board. I have read some of the threads and it seems like there is wonderful support on here.
A bit about me. I am 30 and my AB (alcoholic boyfriend) is also 30. We have a 5 month old daughter. I realized his binge drinking was out of control when I was pregnant - he would often go out all night and leave me home alone. I attended Al-Anon a few times, but I was very sick from my pregnancy so could not go much. When our daughter was born, he cut back very significantly, but it was still a lot. I hate him a lot of times for putting me through this. However, I should add he is a wonderful father, I will give him that.
10 days ago I gave him two choices: (a) leave right then (I own the house and $ is not an issue for me fortunately) or (b) he could stay in the home temporarily as he gets help and goes to AA, but he also has to save $ to move out in three months. I own the home myself. At that point I could not have cared less if he chose (a). However, he chose (b) and has been sober for the past 10 days. He says he is "done" and his goal is to show me that he is done drinking, in hopes I will let him stay in the home. I am far some sure I will let him stay even if he does remain sober! He seems to be doing so great and is confident in his ability to stay sober, yet I am very skeptical. He readily admits he is an alcoholic, but seems to think its as simple as he has just quit and is never drinking again. I think he is too confident, even reminded him last night of the importance of the AA meetings, that he can't think he can do it alone.
Between working FTplus and having a small infant I do not have even one second to go to Al-Anon at present (truly, not making excuses here) however I have their literature, I am reading and learning, and figured I would also join here as well. Right now, I have felt a big weight off my shoulders by reminding myself that this is HIS problem, I cannot solve it, and focusing on myself and my daughter and being healthy in our lives.
Thanks for reading, looking fwd to being a part of this group.
A bit about me. I am 30 and my AB (alcoholic boyfriend) is also 30. We have a 5 month old daughter. I realized his binge drinking was out of control when I was pregnant - he would often go out all night and leave me home alone. I attended Al-Anon a few times, but I was very sick from my pregnancy so could not go much. When our daughter was born, he cut back very significantly, but it was still a lot. I hate him a lot of times for putting me through this. However, I should add he is a wonderful father, I will give him that.
10 days ago I gave him two choices: (a) leave right then (I own the house and $ is not an issue for me fortunately) or (b) he could stay in the home temporarily as he gets help and goes to AA, but he also has to save $ to move out in three months. I own the home myself. At that point I could not have cared less if he chose (a). However, he chose (b) and has been sober for the past 10 days. He says he is "done" and his goal is to show me that he is done drinking, in hopes I will let him stay in the home. I am far some sure I will let him stay even if he does remain sober! He seems to be doing so great and is confident in his ability to stay sober, yet I am very skeptical. He readily admits he is an alcoholic, but seems to think its as simple as he has just quit and is never drinking again. I think he is too confident, even reminded him last night of the importance of the AA meetings, that he can't think he can do it alone.
Between working FTplus and having a small infant I do not have even one second to go to Al-Anon at present (truly, not making excuses here) however I have their literature, I am reading and learning, and figured I would also join here as well. Right now, I have felt a big weight off my shoulders by reminding myself that this is HIS problem, I cannot solve it, and focusing on myself and my daughter and being healthy in our lives.
Thanks for reading, looking fwd to being a part of this group.
8peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the family!
You will find support here and lots of information. Try reading some of the sticky posts at the top of this forum. The sticky posts contain some of our stories and how we are working on our own recoveries.
Pull up the keyboard and make yourself at home!
You will find support here and lots of information. Try reading some of the sticky posts at the top of this forum. The sticky posts contain some of our stories and how we are working on our own recoveries.
Pull up the keyboard and make yourself at home!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Welcome. Have you heard of the 3 C's?
1. You did not cause it
2. You can't cure it
3. You can't control it.
His recovery is his. :codiepolice Your journey is yours. One thing I have learned is that addiction is more than the subtance. It is also a spiritual bankruptcy and those issues need to be addressed as well. In my case I had a lot of underlying issues that needed to be addressed as well. This board has helped me a lot, as well as Alanon, counseling, and reading.
1. You did not cause it
2. You can't cure it
3. You can't control it.
His recovery is his. :codiepolice Your journey is yours. One thing I have learned is that addiction is more than the subtance. It is also a spiritual bankruptcy and those issues need to be addressed as well. In my case I had a lot of underlying issues that needed to be addressed as well. This board has helped me a lot, as well as Alanon, counseling, and reading.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 17
Thanks, everyone. I like the 3 C's. And I definitely have many co-d traits as I have read from the sticky threads, I almost threw up that list was so disgustingly familiar. No wonder the co-d/alcoholic end up together so often...all making sense now. Wow, I have a LOT of work to do on myself but trying to stay positive.
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