feltz

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my childhood friend being a alcoholic. We have been friends since the age of around 10 and now are into our 40's. She and her husband are abusing alcohol and pot. They have 2 small children under the age of 3. Just wanted to post and give an update. I sent her a letter telling her that I loved her but could not be a part of all of it anymore. I asked her to please get help and told her that I would be a part of her life when she was no longer abusing and when the children were not in danger anymore.

Long story short she basically told me to take care and that she wouldnt see me again....Im feeling used and angry. Feeling guilty but also angry for all that I have had to deal with in her drama filled life for the past several years. I have been there through thick and thin and go over and beyond what a friend should do...thats my own fault and my own issues. I guess Im thinking our friendship is over. She has other friends and family members who continue to enable her and agree with her because if they dont she can be wicked. Do I really want to be friends again even if she does get help? Im not sure,...I miss her children horribly but think that I did the right thing for them. Removing myself from the situation was the only thing that I could think about doing for them. I contacted her family members and asked them to get her some help. I believe that they might but they all have their own issues so Im not sure. Did I do the right thing or were the kids better off with me around to at least love them and watch out for them? Now I cant do them any good because I am no longer a part of their lives.

Learn2Live

:sorry
I'm so sorry feltz. I've had to go thru this same exact thing so many times. It is so hard when you have to leave children behind for your own health and sanity.

I'm sorry too that I don't have any answers or words of wisdom or anything comforting to offer other than to tell you that I know how you feel. Please take good care of yourself. :praying

kv816

yes and no

I don't think leaving the children was the right decision. A call should have been placed to social/child services. It's not yours, or anyone else's place, to decide if the children are going to be okay or not. A simple, quick, annonymous call to DHR/DCS/DSS would have been the best move. They would not have said who made the call only that they were there in regards to the children's welfare. If they felt there was no issue they would have walked away.

As for walking away from your friend, did you leave for your own good or in hopes the thought of you leaving after a 30 year friendship would scare her into getting help? What were your intentions behind leaving?

I think you did the right thing by leaving, yes. It's so hard to see but in time you will. I am so much happier now that I've left and have had no contact. It's amazing how much more comforting every day becomes when you're not constantly looking over your shoulder in worry or wonder about what someone else is doing.

God has a plan for your friend.....have faith in that and continue on with your life.

feltz

I could not call social services...but a family member is confronting her this week and telling her if she does not go for help that she is going to be taking the children and calling childrens services. I had to draw the line somewhere and I felt that was the place of the family.

I left the friendship because I felt that she would only get help if people in her life rejected her life style and drew a line somewhere. I feel I did it for the children, her and myself. She is very stubborn and will not accept or seek out help easily. Something drastic had to be done. Now its in the hands of her family. I cant do anymore than I have done. I wrote them all letters and have spoke to them all on the phone. If she gets well then I would consider entering her life again but only until then.