He'll be home soon
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
Small update...
Things are going ok. We had a big family meeting (just us and the kids) on Sunday night, and the kids told him what they expected of him. And he told them how they could help keep him accountable. All in all, it went pretty good. I was very proud of the kids, it wasn't all hearts and flowers and unrealistic bs. It was about feelings and disappointments and anger and hurt.
His mom (ENABLER) is another story. She rushed right out and bought him new furniture, because he worked so hard the last three weeks in rehab and she knows it was really hard for him. She called it a starting over gift. Gifts? For going to REHAB? WTF? He wore sweatpants, went to meetings all day, ate meals prepared for him, did no housework, and took care of no one but himself. He told her that the kids and I were the ones who really had a tough go of things over the last three weeks, as we were the ones cleaning up all the crap he left behind. She is also very concerned about getting him set up at his place, as though I am not going to let him have the things he needs. The kids and I painted it for him. We made sure he had a bed, a tv, a stereo, a couch, table, chairs, lamps, etc...but she is so worried that he deserves better because it is not as nice as our home. Does she not remember that he destroyed our home? That the security we need as a family was replaced with alcohol? And that I was the one who made sure our home was nice and comfortable and he could really care less about all of those things as long as there was beer in the fridge?
Makes me realize that if I choose to stay and work this out with him she will always be here, meddling and fixing her baby boy. We did move to another town once, and she spent the entire time we were gone calling, coming to see us, making tapes of herself talking so we could hear her voice...the kind of things that cause nightmares! Funny how when your wife finally grows a backbone and decides to take care of herself and the kids, the mom comes to the rescue to take care of her baby boy.
Things are just so overwhelming right now. I just don't know which way to turn or what to do. One minute I know what to do, the next I am crying and changing my mind. Everyone keeps asking how long he will be living elsewhere, and I just keep saying that rehab isn't magic and I have no idea how long it will be.
He has gone to two AA meetings, and should be going back to work today. I just keep wondering what will happen as he slowly gets back into the real world. Only time will tell I guess and I am not setting any kind of time line for this at all.
I keep praying for a sign from HP to let me know what I am supposed to do. I suppose there have been signs all along...but I am praying for something to fall from the sky and hit me on the head. This thing will have clear, step by step instructions and be easy to do. If only...
Things are going ok. We had a big family meeting (just us and the kids) on Sunday night, and the kids told him what they expected of him. And he told them how they could help keep him accountable. All in all, it went pretty good. I was very proud of the kids, it wasn't all hearts and flowers and unrealistic bs. It was about feelings and disappointments and anger and hurt.
His mom (ENABLER) is another story. She rushed right out and bought him new furniture, because he worked so hard the last three weeks in rehab and she knows it was really hard for him. She called it a starting over gift. Gifts? For going to REHAB? WTF? He wore sweatpants, went to meetings all day, ate meals prepared for him, did no housework, and took care of no one but himself. He told her that the kids and I were the ones who really had a tough go of things over the last three weeks, as we were the ones cleaning up all the crap he left behind. She is also very concerned about getting him set up at his place, as though I am not going to let him have the things he needs. The kids and I painted it for him. We made sure he had a bed, a tv, a stereo, a couch, table, chairs, lamps, etc...but she is so worried that he deserves better because it is not as nice as our home. Does she not remember that he destroyed our home? That the security we need as a family was replaced with alcohol? And that I was the one who made sure our home was nice and comfortable and he could really care less about all of those things as long as there was beer in the fridge?
Makes me realize that if I choose to stay and work this out with him she will always be here, meddling and fixing her baby boy. We did move to another town once, and she spent the entire time we were gone calling, coming to see us, making tapes of herself talking so we could hear her voice...the kind of things that cause nightmares! Funny how when your wife finally grows a backbone and decides to take care of herself and the kids, the mom comes to the rescue to take care of her baby boy.
Things are just so overwhelming right now. I just don't know which way to turn or what to do. One minute I know what to do, the next I am crying and changing my mind. Everyone keeps asking how long he will be living elsewhere, and I just keep saying that rehab isn't magic and I have no idea how long it will be.
He has gone to two AA meetings, and should be going back to work today. I just keep wondering what will happen as he slowly gets back into the real world. Only time will tell I guess and I am not setting any kind of time line for this at all.
I keep praying for a sign from HP to let me know what I am supposed to do. I suppose there have been signs all along...but I am praying for something to fall from the sky and hit me on the head. This thing will have clear, step by step instructions and be easy to do. If only...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Hi Mellane - I would like to say good luck to you and remember you are the most important and your kids.
I'm going through a seperation since last thursday. We still haven't talked yet. I wish during the years together he did go to rehab. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad as I do. As your feeling I'm feel lost and don't know which way to go. All I know is my kids are most important to me right now. One just got caught smoking pot and my son said he did it to escape his dad. He also stated he didn't want his dad home unless he stopped drinking alltogether. My daughter just wants to punch him. That's what she says. She is angry at the situation but I don't blame her.
I don't have much advice as I'm new to this but hang in there and do what's right for you and the kids no matter how hard it is.
Hugs to you!
I'm going through a seperation since last thursday. We still haven't talked yet. I wish during the years together he did go to rehab. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad as I do. As your feeling I'm feel lost and don't know which way to go. All I know is my kids are most important to me right now. One just got caught smoking pot and my son said he did it to escape his dad. He also stated he didn't want his dad home unless he stopped drinking alltogether. My daughter just wants to punch him. That's what she says. She is angry at the situation but I don't blame her.
I don't have much advice as I'm new to this but hang in there and do what's right for you and the kids no matter how hard it is.
Hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
The last thing either of you needs is his mum smothering him, so no wonder you are upset.
Is there anyone she will listen to at all, who can tell her to BUTT OUT while AH learns to grow up at last? If so, grab them before she drives him to drink and you ga ga.
I wish you luck.
God bless
Is there anyone she will listen to at all, who can tell her to BUTT OUT while AH learns to grow up at last? If so, grab them before she drives him to drink and you ga ga.
I wish you luck.
God bless
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