Are there success stories?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
trapeze - you ask are there success stories? i am married - for 23 years - my husband is an alcoholic - i'm not sure how you define success??????
If the choice is live the life I've lived for the past year, the answer is no. I don't want to adjust, I don't want to detach with love and live that life, I want out. He's a spouse, not a child, so I can get out of the relationship and heal. I don't want to manage his recovery. I've never lied for him, never poured out liquor (didn't know he had it), was never verbally abused. He never frequented bars, stayed out, or failed to call.
Just thought I'd consider giving the guy a chance if there's a reason to see where he heads next. He's a good person with a lot to offer if he ever sobers up and gets mentally healthy
my husband, too is a spouse not a child but i've had to adjust - alcoholism is a family disease - my thinking had to change as much as my husbands - i had a very big part in the insanity this disease brings with it - i've never lied for him, poured out his liquor or been verbally abused - i've probably been verbally abusive and for that i make changes to not do it again - al anon teaches me how to make positive changes to destructive behaviors - in ME - i believe i am successful - in life and in my marriage because i am willing to see my side in this and work on me - you see i am the only one i have any control over - i can only control my reaction to the behaviours going on around me - whether my husband is drinking or not...
my husband is a good person with a lot to offer who happens to have the disease of alcoholism - i decided to give our marriage a chance - i accept him but do not have to live with him if he chooses to drink - he has made his choice (he is not drinking) - as i make mine (i am with him) - just for today...
good luck...
s
If the choice is live the life I've lived for the past year, the answer is no. I don't want to adjust, I don't want to detach with love and live that life, I want out. He's a spouse, not a child, so I can get out of the relationship and heal. I don't want to manage his recovery. I've never lied for him, never poured out liquor (didn't know he had it), was never verbally abused. He never frequented bars, stayed out, or failed to call.
Just thought I'd consider giving the guy a chance if there's a reason to see where he heads next. He's a good person with a lot to offer if he ever sobers up and gets mentally healthy
my husband, too is a spouse not a child but i've had to adjust - alcoholism is a family disease - my thinking had to change as much as my husbands - i had a very big part in the insanity this disease brings with it - i've never lied for him, poured out his liquor or been verbally abused - i've probably been verbally abusive and for that i make changes to not do it again - al anon teaches me how to make positive changes to destructive behaviors - in ME - i believe i am successful - in life and in my marriage because i am willing to see my side in this and work on me - you see i am the only one i have any control over - i can only control my reaction to the behaviours going on around me - whether my husband is drinking or not...
my husband is a good person with a lot to offer who happens to have the disease of alcoholism - i decided to give our marriage a chance - i accept him but do not have to live with him if he chooses to drink - he has made his choice (he is not drinking) - as i make mine (i am with him) - just for today...
good luck...
s
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
Trapeze, there are success stories, but as members have said, the definition of success is different with everyone. My spouse and I go to an Al anon/AA couples group, and all the couples there stuck it out and those I've spoken with say things are better than they ever were. Because each had their own recovery and decided to recover together as well. But is it the same as before? Nope. My AH is sober now 10 months. He was a weekend partier, never left university so to speak. Wasn't abusive, controlling, any of that. Just a guy who wanted to have fun. Too much that it started to hurt us and our baby girl.
Like anyone who has every been diagnosed with a disease, or who's ever had an accident for that matter, things change when things change. People have to adjust to new ways based on life events. Your husband admitted a drinking problem, which means he's held a secret for a long time and there is baggage that comes with it. Whatever his future path looks like, it will require adjustments for everyone. I wish we could just know what would happen; I wouldn't waste time with AH either if I knew he'll fall off the wagon. But I don't know that. And I have to make choices everyday for me about how I want to live my life, based on what I face TODAY. If you don't want to make any adjustments, that's your prerogative. You have to make your choices based on the info you have now, regardless of other's success stories because everyone's path and dynamic will differ. It is possible, it may or may not happen for you the way you envision it. Thing is, expectations can be a killer because we're putting responsibility on someone else to fulfill our wishes, and the reality is, that's a very difficult thing to do.
I consider al anon a life program. It helps me be self-aware, deal with my own emotions and reactions to those around me, helps me be a peaceful, happy, and productive person. The fact that I go there because I had a person with alcohol issues is now besides the point. It helps me deal with life and anything that gets thrown in my way. And the couples group helps me see healthy relationships. We can always grow, even when we consider ourselves 'happy' because it keeps you from straying from the path. Like exercise. Once you've reached your workout goals, you need to maintain. Best to you.
Like anyone who has every been diagnosed with a disease, or who's ever had an accident for that matter, things change when things change. People have to adjust to new ways based on life events. Your husband admitted a drinking problem, which means he's held a secret for a long time and there is baggage that comes with it. Whatever his future path looks like, it will require adjustments for everyone. I wish we could just know what would happen; I wouldn't waste time with AH either if I knew he'll fall off the wagon. But I don't know that. And I have to make choices everyday for me about how I want to live my life, based on what I face TODAY. If you don't want to make any adjustments, that's your prerogative. You have to make your choices based on the info you have now, regardless of other's success stories because everyone's path and dynamic will differ. It is possible, it may or may not happen for you the way you envision it. Thing is, expectations can be a killer because we're putting responsibility on someone else to fulfill our wishes, and the reality is, that's a very difficult thing to do.
I consider al anon a life program. It helps me be self-aware, deal with my own emotions and reactions to those around me, helps me be a peaceful, happy, and productive person. The fact that I go there because I had a person with alcohol issues is now besides the point. It helps me deal with life and anything that gets thrown in my way. And the couples group helps me see healthy relationships. We can always grow, even when we consider ourselves 'happy' because it keeps you from straying from the path. Like exercise. Once you've reached your workout goals, you need to maintain. Best to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
What can I say other than that what I've found out thus far through working my program is that my HP has a different definition of "success" than I did when I came into program....and a very different definition of success than the one apparently assumed in the OP...and an even more different one than the ones generally aspired to and touted by the culture at large.
...and, not only is HP's definition different, it is totally beyond my wildest dreams.
This is what success looks like for Us at the moment:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2392621
I am actually quite happy with the progress of my program and I definitely consider it a miraculous success.
freya
...and, not only is HP's definition different, it is totally beyond my wildest dreams.
This is what success looks like for Us at the moment:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2392621
I am actually quite happy with the progress of my program and I definitely consider it a miraculous success.
freya
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