1st time here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: honolulu, hawaii
Posts: 1
1st time here
Aloha,
My name is Jackie and I live in Hawaii. I have a sister that is in the hospital again after passing out in the bathtub the other evening. We are now trying to get her to detox and hopefully get her into rehab again. She's been like this almost 2 years now and in and out of the hospital 4 times so far. We've been informed that her liver is severely damaged as well as some other stomach problems. I also noticed that her stomach and face is so swollen. We were also told that she may even suffer some brain damage too.
She checked herself into a reab center once and after 2 weeks she said she was better and that they were releasing her. What my parents and I didn't know is that she actually checked herself out.
I can't begin to tell you how angry I am at her for doing this to us. What I also cannot understand is how people feel so sorry for her but no one ever feels sorry for myself and my parents? Do they not understand what we've been through? I constantly hear words such as, "your sister has a disease. you need to be a little more sympathetic to her." Is this true? Must I really be sympathetic to her? What about my feelings? What about the stealing of our money so she can buy herself another bottle of wine or beer? Does that not count for anything?
I guess what I really need is someone to help shed some light on my unfortunate situation. Any words of wisdom will do.
Thanks,
Jackie
My name is Jackie and I live in Hawaii. I have a sister that is in the hospital again after passing out in the bathtub the other evening. We are now trying to get her to detox and hopefully get her into rehab again. She's been like this almost 2 years now and in and out of the hospital 4 times so far. We've been informed that her liver is severely damaged as well as some other stomach problems. I also noticed that her stomach and face is so swollen. We were also told that she may even suffer some brain damage too.
She checked herself into a reab center once and after 2 weeks she said she was better and that they were releasing her. What my parents and I didn't know is that she actually checked herself out.
I can't begin to tell you how angry I am at her for doing this to us. What I also cannot understand is how people feel so sorry for her but no one ever feels sorry for myself and my parents? Do they not understand what we've been through? I constantly hear words such as, "your sister has a disease. you need to be a little more sympathetic to her." Is this true? Must I really be sympathetic to her? What about my feelings? What about the stealing of our money so she can buy herself another bottle of wine or beer? Does that not count for anything?
I guess what I really need is someone to help shed some light on my unfortunate situation. Any words of wisdom will do.
Thanks,
Jackie
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome to the forum Jackie.
Start here by reading this post. It explains a little of what we all go through.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...&threadid=2168
Also read the rest of the power posts at the top of the naranon and alanon boards. We've all been where you are and it does get better.
Hugs,
MG
Start here by reading this post. It explains a little of what we all go through.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...&threadid=2168
Also read the rest of the power posts at the top of the naranon and alanon boards. We've all been where you are and it does get better.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
it does get better
now that you've found Al Anon.
It gets A LOT better. First, do the reading. CoDependent No More is a book by Melody Beattie, and it was great for me. SO were all the posts at the top of these forums, you will be glad you invested the time in reading.
You should also try to find an Al Anon group near you and attend a meeting. You don't have to do or say anything, you can just listen. When you feel you want to, you can also share your experiences. But again, you don't have to do anything but listen if you like. I did it, and it was also a huge help.
Al Anon is going to help you with how all this makes you feel. It is for the families and the tools it teaches can really help you.
Welcome and keep coming back. Share as much as you like, we are here and we understand you beause we've been there, and some still are.
As a matter of fact, I have a sister and you just described her perfectly in your post. I hated watching what her actions did to my mother, it broke her heart. She drained us financially with all the times she hit bottom, and I went back and forth between being mad and scared all the time.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
It gets A LOT better. First, do the reading. CoDependent No More is a book by Melody Beattie, and it was great for me. SO were all the posts at the top of these forums, you will be glad you invested the time in reading.
You should also try to find an Al Anon group near you and attend a meeting. You don't have to do or say anything, you can just listen. When you feel you want to, you can also share your experiences. But again, you don't have to do anything but listen if you like. I did it, and it was also a huge help.
Al Anon is going to help you with how all this makes you feel. It is for the families and the tools it teaches can really help you.
Welcome and keep coming back. Share as much as you like, we are here and we understand you beause we've been there, and some still are.
As a matter of fact, I have a sister and you just described her perfectly in your post. I hated watching what her actions did to my mother, it broke her heart. She drained us financially with all the times she hit bottom, and I went back and forth between being mad and scared all the time.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome to Soberrecovery,
You have found a bunch of people who feel exactly the way you do. I must say I don't recall people telling me to be more sympathetic...they were telling to kick him to the curb!
Sympathy is not what she needs...she has a enough of that for herself.
Stick around a nd make yourself at home.
Hugs,
JT
You have found a bunch of people who feel exactly the way you do. I must say I don't recall people telling me to be more sympathetic...they were telling to kick him to the curb!
Sympathy is not what she needs...she has a enough of that for herself.
Stick around a nd make yourself at home.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
welcome caringsis !
hope you'll keep coming back.
anger, disapointment,confusion etc...
all part of the effects on those close to the alcoholic.
But your sis does have a disease unfortunatly this disease
effects those close. I don't think sympathy is the word either
but compassion for the torment they go through.As bad as it
is on us think what they're going through.hospitals.detox,self-
incrimination,feeling so very sick most of the time.
alanon has saved the sanity for most of us. We learn we can
be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. Its about us.
hugs
liddy
hope you'll keep coming back.
anger, disapointment,confusion etc...
all part of the effects on those close to the alcoholic.
But your sis does have a disease unfortunatly this disease
effects those close. I don't think sympathy is the word either
but compassion for the torment they go through.As bad as it
is on us think what they're going through.hospitals.detox,self-
incrimination,feeling so very sick most of the time.
alanon has saved the sanity for most of us. We learn we can
be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. Its about us.
hugs
liddy
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi caringsis - welcome 
It is so hard to watch someone we love suffer from addiction; Not only do we see the destruction they seemingly self-inflict, but OUR lives are often turned upsidown in reaction to their destructive behavior.
While it is important to know that addiciton is a disease, it is also imperative that we learn how to protect and take care of US in the midst of it all. Having "compassion" for our A's, does not mean that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of. An A will steal, lie, cheat, hurt and inflict unspeakable damage to get what they need; to maintain the working of the disease in their life. It does not necessarily mean they are horrible people, but that they are "sick" - this is where the compassion comes in - it is hard to imagine that the person WE know could do these things.... We hold out HOPE that they will change for the better.
This is where Alanon helps so much.
We learn how important it is to help OURSELVES first; to detach from the A and still be able to love and encourage them.
This is YOUR opportunity to show HER that you won't be taken advantage of... that you are healthy and happy in your OWN life... It goes a long way in giving her the room to seek help for herself.
Take care, and come back and share
Meg
It is so hard to watch someone we love suffer from addiction; Not only do we see the destruction they seemingly self-inflict, but OUR lives are often turned upsidown in reaction to their destructive behavior.
While it is important to know that addiciton is a disease, it is also imperative that we learn how to protect and take care of US in the midst of it all. Having "compassion" for our A's, does not mean that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of. An A will steal, lie, cheat, hurt and inflict unspeakable damage to get what they need; to maintain the working of the disease in their life. It does not necessarily mean they are horrible people, but that they are "sick" - this is where the compassion comes in - it is hard to imagine that the person WE know could do these things.... We hold out HOPE that they will change for the better.
This is where Alanon helps so much.
We learn how important it is to help OURSELVES first; to detach from the A and still be able to love and encourage them.
This is YOUR opportunity to show HER that you won't be taken advantage of... that you are healthy and happy in your OWN life... It goes a long way in giving her the room to seek help for herself.
Take care, and come back and share
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: a small town in Texas
Posts: 4
Hi Caringsister.
I am glad to see you here. My brother is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He started out drinking a lot, but it put him in the hospital 1 or 2 times every year for 7 or 8 years. He was smoking pot during the last few years of that and then he moved into meth. He quit drinking as much because the doctors kept telling him that he was going to die. He went to a 28 day rehab and did really well there. He came out with everyone believing that he would have no problem staying clean. One week later he went to a party and got drunk. Then he did well until just recently. But in all, he has only been out of rehab since the second week in July. My parents and I have been through a whole lot. None of my friends (who know my brother also) think it has affected me. But now that I am going to Al-Anon meetings, I am feeling a lot better. It still hurts very much to watch my brother do this to himself and my family, but I am learning not feel so guilty for doing or not doing things. My parents are also going to Al-Anon and it has really helped them. They have gone into so much debt trying to help him and give him one more chance. Those chances have added up to a million!! I married my brother's best friend 8 years ago. Our first year of marriage is when my brother went into the hospital the first time. I stayed at the hospital when I was not at work the entire time he was there. All of his stays are 2-3 weeks long. So you can imagine the toll it has taken on my marriage. They are no longer friends. My husband does not understand why I let it consume me. My brother and I are only 13 months apart. We grew up doing all the same things, shared all the same friends. We were as close to twins as you could be without actually being twins. We are still close, but nothing like we could be. We are close in a totally different way than I ever thought it would be. My children (3 & 1) think he is the best thing ever. And they are right, when he is sober. But when he is not, he is so mean and balligerant. It is hard to be around him and I certainly don't like my kids to see him be mean to my parents. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on, but I totally understand your feelings. Other people who are not going through this kind of situation can not tell you what you should or should not feel. They have no idea, even if they think they do. My very best friend is not someone I can talk to about this, and I've already told you about my husband. So until Al-Anon, I felt totally alone and would just cry at night and say over and over "WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!" I truly hope that you try and attend some meetings. I haven't really talked in them and I've been going since July. It just helps to sit and listen to people who are the other side and people who are still dealing with this, but they are so calm and seemingly happy!! I really want that!!
Keep reading here and it will really help. God bless and hang in there!!
I am glad to see you here. My brother is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He started out drinking a lot, but it put him in the hospital 1 or 2 times every year for 7 or 8 years. He was smoking pot during the last few years of that and then he moved into meth. He quit drinking as much because the doctors kept telling him that he was going to die. He went to a 28 day rehab and did really well there. He came out with everyone believing that he would have no problem staying clean. One week later he went to a party and got drunk. Then he did well until just recently. But in all, he has only been out of rehab since the second week in July. My parents and I have been through a whole lot. None of my friends (who know my brother also) think it has affected me. But now that I am going to Al-Anon meetings, I am feeling a lot better. It still hurts very much to watch my brother do this to himself and my family, but I am learning not feel so guilty for doing or not doing things. My parents are also going to Al-Anon and it has really helped them. They have gone into so much debt trying to help him and give him one more chance. Those chances have added up to a million!! I married my brother's best friend 8 years ago. Our first year of marriage is when my brother went into the hospital the first time. I stayed at the hospital when I was not at work the entire time he was there. All of his stays are 2-3 weeks long. So you can imagine the toll it has taken on my marriage. They are no longer friends. My husband does not understand why I let it consume me. My brother and I are only 13 months apart. We grew up doing all the same things, shared all the same friends. We were as close to twins as you could be without actually being twins. We are still close, but nothing like we could be. We are close in a totally different way than I ever thought it would be. My children (3 & 1) think he is the best thing ever. And they are right, when he is sober. But when he is not, he is so mean and balligerant. It is hard to be around him and I certainly don't like my kids to see him be mean to my parents. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on, but I totally understand your feelings. Other people who are not going through this kind of situation can not tell you what you should or should not feel. They have no idea, even if they think they do. My very best friend is not someone I can talk to about this, and I've already told you about my husband. So until Al-Anon, I felt totally alone and would just cry at night and say over and over "WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!" I truly hope that you try and attend some meetings. I haven't really talked in them and I've been going since July. It just helps to sit and listen to people who are the other side and people who are still dealing with this, but they are so calm and seemingly happy!! I really want that!!
Keep reading here and it will really help. God bless and hang in there!!
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