Do you ever wish they would just disappear?
 

I was thinking about this one today....after reading a good book, "Addict in the Family", and I wanted to put it out there--out of curiosity, out of seeking a common ground--how many of you at one point or another have just said to yourself, "I wish he/she (the alcoholic) would just disappear."
I sometimes think these things...and then I feel guilty and horrible for thinking them.

Yep. Been there, done that. In fact, one of the biggest motivators for me to start looking at my own issues was when I realized I was becoming someone I didn't like very much.

L

All the time...sad saying that. This was a man I loved, married, and had a child with. Now the times he goes MIA is a quiet blessing as when he is in contact its always drama that he creates or fights he starts.

Well my exH was not an alcoholic but I knew that when I started wishing he was dead that I had really crossed over into madness and I needed to get myself back on track...I'm ashamed of that now...my head was not on straight!

I actually learned a lot about myself in therapy when I shared those feelings with my therapist. I learned some very specicific stuff I needed/wanted to change!!

peace-
b

Yep, right here, many times over. I'm not ashamed to admit it; I think it's my defense mechanism. I fantasize about a better life for myself and my daughter and stepson.

I addressed that thought after my first divorce. I attended a support group for divorced/divorcing individuals. During our first session we were asked "How many think your life would be easier if your spouse would die or if you could move far away and never see them again?". I think every hand went up.

Like Bernadette and LaTeeDa, our group began to work on ourselves instead of looking up the number for a hit man.

I am editing this post - I just realized that the "addict" in your life is immediate family not a spouse.

Adding the fact that I wanted to raise my hand again after I left my active alcoholic earlier this year.

My experiences exactly.

And I have felt that way at one time or another about ALL of the addicts in my life, even my sisters. I don't think it's an unusual fantasy to entertain when you're still in the chaos of addiction and don't yet have a plan to get out. You just want the pain to stop.

Me, I'd still like that number of the hit man! I've wished my now X AH dead so many times, I can't count. Honestly, I'll jump for joy the day I learn he has met his demise.

I'm being honest here. I have nothing but disdain for what he did to his family.

Like everyone who has already responded, I have had exactly those same feelings. Short blurb -- we have three dogs and used to foster for rescue. Once, years ago, one of the dogs drank too much water and threw up. My H has OCD and other issues...so in order to avoid EVER having to clean up thrown up water on the floor (I know, big deal right?) -- Ever since, whenever a dog started to drink water, he would start yelling at them to stop. Needless to say, 3 big dogs in our house = many opportunities during the day to yell at them. I would ask him to stop, he would deny it was a problem. Continue yelling. I told him how much it bothered me. He didn't change the behavior. Several times a night one of the dogs would start drinking, he would start yelling. After a couple of years, literally, every time he started to yell again, I would close my eyes and just WISH HE WOULD DIE. Seriously. I wished he would die. How sick was my thinking? Pretty much so.

Ditto. I haven't posted my story yet but it involves a DH with alcohol issues, depression and bipolar disorder for which he is heavily medicated. Sometimes I think things would be less stressful if he weren't around even though I love him.

Thanks everyone for your honesty. I admit, too, that when she's said "If you hang up the phone on me, I'll kill myself", I've thought to myself, "well, go ahead then. Do us all a favor."

I am seeing a therapist and plan to bring this up in my next session.

Ms. Beatty talks about this in Codependent No More...that most of use have day dreamed about our alcoholics funeral, many times.

Sad but true.

I was not wishing for a really painful death, if that makes it any better. Just a standard, run of the mill death. And if it could happen fast, that would be great. With a side of fries? Supersized? Sorry, I know this is not meant to be funny. I just have wished it so many times it becomes "not so bad" just like my whole life with AH was "not so bad" until I took the rose colored glasses off.

Wow, was I shocked at what "not so bad" looked like.

Oh, man. When I saw the title of this thread, I thought- Yep! For Sure! I think there's something really comforting about this fantasy. I mean, it basically boils to "this person would never be able to hurt me again." That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Oh YES. At those times I think it was about the only thing I COULD think about.
Don't think it was me being deep down nasty, just desperate for some PEACE.

God bless

Oh, yes, friends. I was glad to see this post and that I was not alone in these awful thoughts. Mine tend to be toward seemingly harmless sci-fi endings like getting vaporized to another realm. This would prevent his presence in my corner of the universe, but he happily continue his life outside my galaxy. No ripping limbs from limbs, etc, not I'm not ruling that out depending on how the next few months go...:c031:

I can totally relate. Although, I honestly didn't start having these feelings until I learned he is treating my boys so poorly.

I never wished him dead, I just drove myself crazy buying into his manipulation.

Now...I wish he'd go AWAY so I won't have to do so much damage control with my kids.