Seeing AH in a different light
 

Yesterday he came over to help me bleed the clutch on my car, as he was in front of the car on the ground he kept saying, "don't run me over ."

We laughed. I made him a sandwich before he left. I think I can be his friend eventually. Rather, I think we can be friendly eventually. I have no friends who treat me the way he has.

I think I"m not in love with him anymore.

At least my heart isn't broken anymore. I don't care what he does when he's not here with me. When he calls raging, I hang up.

I think the spell is broken. My life, and taking care of the kids, is the most important thing on earth right now. Not whether or not he'll sober up, or text the bimbo again, or go see her, or threaten to divorce me. He can't hurt me anymore. I lived in fear for so long and in the absence of that, feel like a superhero.

Now, if I can just white knuckle it through this batch of brutal PMS...

One of those great AHA moments! Congrats!:c031:

I'm having one of those Aha moments right now too. AH is coming to our town on Thurs, we are going to look over the numbers for the separation agreement. He is sober for the moment and wants to get back with me. I'm at the same point as you, I just don't care ... don't want to. I like my life as it is ... best thing he could have ever done for me was leave me!

That's nice Transform.

The other day I helped my recovering exBF fix up a bicycle for his son. Today he brought me some home-made soup because I'm sick. And I drove him to a doctor's appointment. I am not obsessing about him as I did before and I'm taking care of my own business instead of his.

He is still sober after 2 1/2 years and I think his brain is finally starting to work again. He just finished submitting 10 years of tax returns.

I am hoping to remain friends as there is much I like in him but I'm not ready to be a GF again.

Spinner

Thanks guys.
I think I know the formula for this: detach, detach, detach.
Honestly focus on myself and my life, even when it's ugly
Treat myself with the love and adoration and patience I used to give him.