Addict home from bingeing
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 20
Addict home from bingeing
Okay, I will start off that my so-called BF is back in town after leaving 7 days ago. And prior to the 7 days he was sick like having the flu...yeah right!? In otherwords...crashing. He would call me almost every night...I guess to check up on me or call me to talk while he is high and alone and doesn't want to be alone.
So tonight, he is back and he is calling me at home, cell phone...why??? I am trying to take care of myself...I want to so much answer the phone, but I can't. I am afraid he may pull me in again. I am working on myself and I finally feel good...until the phone rang and I saw that it was him. My heart sank and I felt bad...but in all honestly he doesn't care about me...I am just a tool that he thinks can use ... NO!!!
What goes thru' an addicts mind? I do need to confront him and ask him so many questions. I am afraid. In hismind, I am an enabler to him...or a soft spot for him. I do like him and I feel so sad for him. I miss him. Help ....
So tonight, he is back and he is calling me at home, cell phone...why??? I am trying to take care of myself...I want to so much answer the phone, but I can't. I am afraid he may pull me in again. I am working on myself and I finally feel good...until the phone rang and I saw that it was him. My heart sank and I felt bad...but in all honestly he doesn't care about me...I am just a tool that he thinks can use ... NO!!!
What goes thru' an addicts mind? I do need to confront him and ask him so many questions. I am afraid. In hismind, I am an enabler to him...or a soft spot for him. I do like him and I feel so sad for him. I miss him. Help ....
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: iowa cornfields
Posts: 126
What goes through an addict's head? How about loneliness,desperation,manipulation,terror,anger and so on and so forth. Don't talk to him for awhile and don't feel bad. I called a sh*t load of people when I was high just so I could confirm that people would talk to me. But this was only when I was ripped on pills which only reaffirmed the fact that since people would listen to me that being on the dope was good. I mean, would they talk to me when I was sober? Probably not-so feeling good and talking only reinforced the usage more. IF you talk to him-be brutally honest and do not feel guilty for calling him out on his bullsh*t.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Is this how you want the rest of your life to go? With this kind of disrespect, abuse, lies, chaos? This is the love you dreamed of as a little girl?
This is what you get with active addiction, and I think you deserve something much better than this. I hope you come to believe it too, and take steps to get back a life that you like waking up to every morning.
Big ((( hugs )))
This is what you get with active addiction, and I think you deserve something much better than this. I hope you come to believe it too, and take steps to get back a life that you like waking up to every morning.
Big ((( hugs )))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 20
I want it all in my life from a man. I am needing 100% - he seems to put in not even 10% lately. I definitely deserve more and determined to get it....I am moving on.
But one thing I must do is get closure. I have not mentioned to him that we are over. I am sort of holding onto that part (him) gaining my strength. I hope he doesn't become violent. I was thinking of talking to him face to face. I am not sure how he will react. Addicts can become mean and turn it all against you. Like its all my fault that our so-called relationship is over not his. I have been blamed for several things...which wasn't my fault. They sure can make you feel really bad and worthless.
Addicts have no emotions, feelings, caring attributes and they want all people around them espec. girlfriends to feel the same way they feel. I was feeling that way - so to be truthfully honest I would not eat for days or eat very small meals (if any) just to get something in me. Yeah, I lost weight and I have admitted to my girlfriend (god love her) that I had a problem. It was due to him making me feel worthless and had low self-esteem. Now I am back!
But one thing I must do is get closure. I have not mentioned to him that we are over. I am sort of holding onto that part (him) gaining my strength. I hope he doesn't become violent. I was thinking of talking to him face to face. I am not sure how he will react. Addicts can become mean and turn it all against you. Like its all my fault that our so-called relationship is over not his. I have been blamed for several things...which wasn't my fault. They sure can make you feel really bad and worthless.
Addicts have no emotions, feelings, caring attributes and they want all people around them espec. girlfriends to feel the same way they feel. I was feeling that way - so to be truthfully honest I would not eat for days or eat very small meals (if any) just to get something in me. Yeah, I lost weight and I have admitted to my girlfriend (god love her) that I had a problem. It was due to him making me feel worthless and had low self-esteem. Now I am back!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
It was due to him making me feel worthless and had low self-esteem. Now I am back!
Glad you are getting your life back!
I found AlAnon really helpful in that I needed some tools to use so I wouldn;t repeat the same patterns in my life over and over - and so that I could stop blaming other people for "making me feel" this way or that way. I needed to accept responsibility and take action to protect myself from my own sometimes extreme negative reactions and treating myself bad!
It's a long sometimes painful road of self-discovery and self-discipline in order to change my bad habits of mind--- but I do not yet regret it!
Glad you're here- stick around - keep posting - you're not alone!
peace-
b
Glad you are getting your life back!
I found AlAnon really helpful in that I needed some tools to use so I wouldn;t repeat the same patterns in my life over and over - and so that I could stop blaming other people for "making me feel" this way or that way. I needed to accept responsibility and take action to protect myself from my own sometimes extreme negative reactions and treating myself bad!
It's a long sometimes painful road of self-discovery and self-discipline in order to change my bad habits of mind--- but I do not yet regret it!
Glad you're here- stick around - keep posting - you're not alone!
peace-
b
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 20
Moved on
Okay lastnight I went over to see my BF and had the talk and I asked him for honesty and truth...I received ******** answers. Story after story and while we were having the talk - I could tell that he was high. Geeeesh!!!
Oh, 1 gram a month - lets try 1 gram or close to it each day!!! Does he think I am stupid!!?? I just shook my head and I knew where I needed tobe - put the door and on with my life.
I thank you all for your honest opinions!!
Oh, 1 gram a month - lets try 1 gram or close to it each day!!! Does he think I am stupid!!?? I just shook my head and I knew where I needed tobe - put the door and on with my life.
I thank you all for your honest opinions!!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
"Codependent No More" is an excellent starter book. I'd strongly suggest you consider some counseling and/or attending Alanon or Naranon meetings for yourself.
I continued to make the same mistake over and over, only with different men for many miserable years.
It was important for me to address why I was attracted to those kind of men in the first place, and how to change my patterns and thinking.
:ghug2 :ghug2
I continued to make the same mistake over and over, only with different men for many miserable years.
It was important for me to address why I was attracted to those kind of men in the first place, and how to change my patterns and thinking.
:ghug2 :ghug2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by pinpoint 
What goes through an addict's head? How about loneliness,desperation,manipulation,terror,anger and so on and so forth. Don't talk to him for awhile and don't feel bad. I called a sh*t load of people when I was high just so I could confirm that people would talk to me. But this was only when I was ripped on pills which only reaffirmed the fact that since people would listen to me that being on the dope was good. I mean, would they talk to me when I was sober? Probably not-so feeling good and talking only reinforced the usage more. IF you talk to him-be brutally honest and do not feel guilty for calling him out on his bullsh*t.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Doesn't that open door look sooooo good? It is inviting to walk thru, slam it shut behind you and walk into a fresh, new life where there is NO abuse, NO blame, NO lies, NO pain and NO toxic self doubt anymore.
Just keep on walking that path, HELL, try running instead of walking.
God bless
Just keep on walking that path, HELL, try running instead of walking.
God bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 20
I was blamed for so many stupid things (I MEAN STUPID), all the lies and made-up stories, mental abuse and just being mean. I know I am the better person and he does not deserve me at all. He did a number on me, and I truly admit it, but I have moved on. I think about him still and miss him. Why?? He is an addict and I really don't even know the real him. It's all a front; the worst part of it is that I care for him which I did mentin to him and his comment was - "that's funny you didn't show it". Oh, yes I did, but in his warped addict thinking I didn't.
I still today wonder why I was attracted to him? Did he manipulate me the first night...yup. Yes, I was drinking the night we met and I guess I was in a fog and didn't think clearly. We had some fun times; however all the bad things overpower the good.
We hardly ever went out - he always wanted to stay home...BORING!! There is so much more to life than wasting it sitting infront of the damn tv. My eyes are open and I am on my way away from him. The funny/hard part of this is that he lives very very close to me...I will prob. run into him...I hope not.
Thanks all!! :ghug2
I still today wonder why I was attracted to him? Did he manipulate me the first night...yup. Yes, I was drinking the night we met and I guess I was in a fog and didn't think clearly. We had some fun times; however all the bad things overpower the good.
We hardly ever went out - he always wanted to stay home...BORING!! There is so much more to life than wasting it sitting infront of the damn tv. My eyes are open and I am on my way away from him. The funny/hard part of this is that he lives very very close to me...I will prob. run into him...I hope not.
Thanks all!! :ghug2
Last edited by gfunknown; 10-10-2009 at 06:14 AM.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
My therapist said I missed an xabf as a FRIEND. It made sense and made me feel less insane. Perhaps its the same case with you?
Dont worry if you run into him. Nothing happens. If you feel anything you can store it and release it later. As long as you dont act on it you will be OK. Just remember why he is not good for you so you are not dragged again.
Sheesh its so easy to say it.... HUGS
Dont worry if you run into him. Nothing happens. If you feel anything you can store it and release it later. As long as you dont act on it you will be OK. Just remember why he is not good for you so you are not dragged again.
Sheesh its so easy to say it.... HUGS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 20
It was important for me to address why I was attracted to those kind of men in the first place, and how to change my patterns and thinking.
Yes so true...well I have met this wonderful man who is older and is not into drugs...thank God! He (God) is leadng me into the right path mysteriously. I have attended Alanon meetings 3 times and I have come to the conclusion that it is me, not the cokehead I desire. I have the desire to fix me. I have been in relationships where they have different problems (divorce, drugs, hate themelves). I need to enable myself before I can enter into a new relationship. I am working on it day by day and I am getting there.
I am afraid of being abandoned. I clung onto the cokehead becasue I didn't want to be alone...just knowing he was there was good enough in some ways, but to be brutally honest the direspect from him hit me hard and I knew I had to get out. I was lead on the wrong path to get to where I need to be.
Thanks all for your advise and I take it to heart and I know my journey ahead is all for the better!
Yes so true...well I have met this wonderful man who is older and is not into drugs...thank God! He (God) is leadng me into the right path mysteriously. I have attended Alanon meetings 3 times and I have come to the conclusion that it is me, not the cokehead I desire. I have the desire to fix me. I have been in relationships where they have different problems (divorce, drugs, hate themelves). I need to enable myself before I can enter into a new relationship. I am working on it day by day and I am getting there.
I am afraid of being abandoned. I clung onto the cokehead becasue I didn't want to be alone...just knowing he was there was good enough in some ways, but to be brutally honest the direspect from him hit me hard and I knew I had to get out. I was lead on the wrong path to get to where I need to be.
Thanks all for your advise and I take it to heart and I know my journey ahead is all for the better!
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