transformyself

I"m just venting. I'm really really mad
Starting last week, AH started yelling and screaming and sending me nasty emails about money.

OH my god I hate him right now so much. We talked earlier on the phone about money he said he was going home to budget. I reminded him that if he started yelling at me I would hang up.

Well, he called and announced that if he gave me $433 out of his check he would have $57 left over for two weeks. I waited. Then said, "well I have to pay my rent."

So he starts yelling! And it's just more accusations and insane resentments toward me. "I"ve got to pay the water bill that you didn't pay!" as if it were my job to pay the bill when i didn't live there. That guy is out of his mind.

the worst part is realizing how abusive he has been towards me. I think it's getting worse. He can keep it together but you can see he barely is.

Problem with NC is that if he's got the kids, I need to talk to him on the phone to see if he's been drinking. Rather, to know when he starts drinking because evn though he's committed to not drinking when they'r ewith him, he will.

Screw him. I really need a job! UGH

sailorjohn

I read this in Toby Rice Drews' book, when the conversation gets off-track. simply state, "I'm not having this conversation" "Goodbye" and hang up.

I know, been down that road in the past, those circular conversations can be maddening. We both know that you can't reason with them, trying will make us just as crazy as them.

I think you did pretty good.

Astro

I agree, you did very well, and I use a tactic just like John shared.....

"Call me back when you can speak civilly to me". *click*

transformyself

Sailor, I learnt this about 8 months ago. I realized he was trying to change the subject any time he felt under the spot light. Answering questions with questions, etc.

i learnt to say, "we're not talking about me. I asked you a question."
or something like that.

Screw him. He sent me a text saying, I AM SORRY THERE IS TOO MUCH RESENTMENT. WE CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT MONEY BY EMAIL. SORRY TO BE AS UPSET AS I AM TOWARD YOU.

He's nuts! This isn't resentment, it's a way of life for him. Whatever his problem is, he finds a way to blame me. It doesn't even have to make sense.

And if it is legitimate, it doesn't matter because he's yells and swears at me. I don't care! you have the nerve to tell me I need to be accountable! you can choke on that resentment d***wad!! I can hardley wait until you get a girlfriend so that someone else will be the focus of all your problems!

*******.

transformyself

And yes I spelt learnt that a way on purpose! See I'm reckless! I'm a rogue! You don't know what I'll do!

sailorjohn

Yeah, but for me, am slowly realizing that for every nutty thing she ever said or did, there was an equally nutty thing I did or said by way of reaction. Which is the only thing that has any value for me.

LaTeeDa said it very eloquently-"crazy is contagious".

I step away from it, see how truly nutty my reactions were, stop engaging in the mutual insanity, start hanging out with healthy people, I get healthier.

I will give all the married women credit here, I don't know how they survived their relationships, I believe I would have lost my mind completely.

Think I still have a little gray matter intact!

harleyd101

LOL!!! You rebel you!!! When I have to deal with someone in active addiction, if I expect them to make sense, I'm the one that's out of my damn mind!!! They are not capable of thinking in a rationale manner, and they cannot take responsibility for their own actions. They are looking for a scapegoat, someone to blame their miserable, hopeless existense on. Trust me, I was there at one time. Everyone else and everything else was the problem!! It was NEVER me!!! That's what my addiction told me. The more we don't play their game, the madder they get! It's like "open up honey, here's another spoonfull of s**t!! Gobble up!!" When we stop eating that crap, they don't know what to do!!! Active addicts will NEVER own their stuff until they get into recovery, if that ever happens. My XABF took my car (called the police on me), then was so irrate yesterday because I had the AUDACITY to place a stop payment on this months car note!!! ROFL!!! He called all my friends AND my family, screaming at all that would listen (only one idiot answered his call!) Then he proceeds to let this idiot know that he's taking a buyout from Chrysler (none offered) and going to work on an oil rig in Texas!! Bottom line - he lost his $37.00/hour job because of his drinking. It finally happened. All these years of the union covering his ass, and they couldn't save it this time. He's grasping at straws right now...he wanted that car back so bad to hurt me, and he can't afford it. All the while God has provided, and he will for you too! You will get a job, and you will be able to provide for your kids. Keep doing what you are doing girl. You sound so good!!! Bug hugs!!!

Cowgirl1265

Amen, sistah. I am riding on that bus with you.

GiveLove

See how insidious the poison of alcoholism is? They drive us to misspelling.
Stay sane, transform. Breathe. Keep working on that job. Not only does sound cooler than cool, but it also seems the quickest way through this morass.

transformyself

Ah. The dawning of a new day. I missed you my friends. Fortuantly the insanity of yesterday is waning and I"m no longer driven to misspelligns. Well not on porpoise

Thanks for letting me vent here. I guess I ain't as stupid as I look cause instead of trying to make sense of his nutjob outbursts, I came here to vent.

Once I realized that his outburst really has nothing to do with the words coming out of his face, I felt better. It's not "resentment" or "money issues" but rather his chronic disease, which includes using me as a punching bag. Sorry. I'm resigning from my job.

I didn't respond. Didn't engage. I wasn't really even compelled to. I know what that gets me. More punching! But it did trigger a bunch of anger, I think from being the target of his bull crap for so long. It's a defense mechanism- Fighting back.

But, I let it flow out of me here, then got back to my life. That's a much better choice than going at him, asking for more. Ew.

ABout that job--I"m very disappointed in my writing sample I sent away. I had less than 24 hours to submit it, and had a full plate of freelance work to do as well. I hope they consider that when reviewing it--all though part of the job is generating clear, copy edited mailings on short notice.

I also know that if this doesn't pan out I will be ok. I have more work than I can get to, but it's all freelance. Not garunteed work.

The kids and I would be better off living in a hole in the dirt than with that poor guy.