justtakestime

If you've read my last post then you will kind of know my history. Today was my birthday and my AH (we have been separated for 5 months) shows up with a cake and bag full of presents. I told him a week ago that I was filing for divorce after he had told me to do it for the 100th time!!!!! It's always when he's mad and it's..."Go file for a f****** divorce you B****!!!" So this time I just walked away and called my attorney. Ever since then he has been OIVERLY nice.....crying, saying how he wants us back....blah blah blah. So, I've had this "wall"....right? Built with love by him...lol. I have told him I love him and care for him but I am not "in love with him". What the heck??? You would think that I have committed some HUGE crime!!! So anyway, he shows up today but is acting wierd, well okay I mean he is acting different from the last 5 days...lol. He's very uncomfortable to be in my home. We have cake with the kids, I open my presents and then it's just w i e r d.... So finally he gets up and says he feels out of place at my house and he's going home ....but stupid me...I want him to elaborate on that!!!!! So he takes me back to my bedroom and tells me that he doesn't understand how I'm not "in love" with him and that he isn't getting any younger and how long is he supposed to await until I decide that I am in love with him again. He tells me he's lonely and he doesn't have anyone. And then he starts talking about intimacy...he says that we are married for crying out loud so why can't we be intimate!!!! I'm crying by now because that is what I do when he feeds me his poor pitiful me cr**!!!!! Then he starts kissing on me and blah blah blah BLAHHHHHHH (i crashed and burned for HIS whole 30 second intimate moment that he needed)............. WHY DID I ALLOW THIS??? WHY? I am so mad at myself!!! I feel like I have taken 2,000 steps backwards. All for HIS needs and HIS desire!!!!! I was doing so good..... I guess I should just stop bashing myself and get back on track. Right????

Gypsy Feet

Right! Heres a big e-hug though, wish it was a real one (((((justtakestime))))

transformyself

Give yourself a break. And chalk it up to experience. I think this self flagulation is part of the ugly dance we do. So break the pattern now by giving yourself a break and using it for distance.

Next time, remind yourself of this before engaging with him.

Have a great day, despite this!

Jadmack25

Don't beat yourself up over your 1 step backwards, just start walking forward again from now.
Let's face it, he really went for the whole hearts and flowers package, then put a guilt trip on you, so it is no wonder you were emotionally all over the place.

Now get back to YOU, and make a note to be wary of AH bearing gifts in future and have an answer ready for if he pulls that on you again.

Maybe something like, "I am sorry about that, but if you feel that way I understand your need to go."

As Transform posted, "Next time, remind yourself of this before engaging with him", and be prepared for his manipulation, cause that is what it was.

God bless

TakingCharge999

justtakestime, we've all have slipped many times, just like alcoholics...

yup, after abusive instances i went away for a weekend...of course miserable all the time... crying, etc a total mess...well i go home and he hugs me and of course we end up in bed. i recall my attraction to him was so great i thought afterwards "if i dont leave NOW, i will never leave"

or after a particularly bad night..next day i say i was never happy with his way of drinking, it was not working blah blah i cried all morning, called mom and went to the church and cried and to the park and cried well at night he says he is hungry and WE go to have dinner... LOL.

my question is why cant they be jerks all the time? why act nice?? sheeeeeeeeeeeesh

er.. well anyway... it was a long way until here... it will be a long way out of it... but its a good thing you are angry.. you can use it in your favor for the future.... remember, you could be again in Wishful Thinking Land and back with him again thinking "this time" he will be a good person.....

yesterday doesn't matter... only today, ok? TODAY you can choose something else.... HUGS!!!!!!!

transformyself

Here's my mantra, hope it helps you as well.

justtakestime

:ghug2 YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful that I found this place. I can't believe how many people have the same story as me. It helps sooooooooooooooo much to know that!!!!