ICant

Hi all, I haven't been posting much because things have been going well. My AH has been sober and getting better for 9 months. I have been going to al-anon, working the steps and feeling more connected to a higher power.

Last week my mother in law came to stay for a week. I lost my serenity, sanity and recovery. She is not an alcoholic but an unrecovered co-dependent. She has grown up with alcoholism, married an alcoholic, raised 2 alcoholic sons. She has a god complex where she thinks she is the only one on this planet who can be responsible. She comes over and takes over. The things that come out of her mouth are always negative. I don't want to go into details but the things she has done when it comes to the children have crossed boundaries.

If it was only my choice, I would go no contact with her. My husband doesn't see her as that bad and wants the children to have a relationship with her. I can't control anyone else except me, so I made myself scarce for the week. Honestly the way I feel now, I think next visit I will organise a week long retreat for myself. My husband is offended but I really don't care. I can see that I am being immature for expecting her to behave like a grandmother (rather than a mother figure) when it is not in her nature but I cannot handle these visits.

I am shocked at how angry I am now. I feel like I could easily push her into a wall. Right now I am not seeing her as one of God's children worthy of respect.

worthyoflove

My mother was like that until I put my hand up and said, "That's enough. Stay out of it". She became angry, but got over it.

Pelican

I'm currently in between mother-in-laws, and appreciate the refresher!


Congratulations on your recovery and your husbands recovery! If your MIL is your only stumbling block, you're doing great. After you have time to recover from the visit, you can look at things a little more clearly.

You won't be able to cure her or control her. But maybe with some boundaries, you will be able to tolerate her for a short period of time.

I remember how exhausted I would feel after spending time with the negative energy of "family" members.

BuffaloGal

I'm glad that you shared that, cause I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who often resents the codie more than the alcoholic in my life... my former AH's girlfriend is a class A codependent/high dominance person, and right now I see her as one of God's children worthy of having duct tape placed across her mouth, which she cannot keep shut. She drives me up the wall with her sanctimonious interference in my daughter's life-- and the concept of backing off is completely alien to her. Sound familiar?

Deep breath: remember, no matter how warped and controlling your MIL's behavior is, somewhere way under there is the expression of affection; I kinda think it's better to love in a damaged way than to not care. And, I hope for your sake that she lives a long ways off.

ICant

thanks BuffaloGal, the imagery is hilarious. The funny thing is that I was turning into my MIL as my husband's drinking got worse and worse. I am sure that is why I hate her so much, because I can see what I was. I am in recovery now and the most common thing God says when he speaks to me is "Shut up! Don't say it!" Thanks for the support and she does live far, far away.