Thumper

I've moved on to a new emotion today.

I'm Fed Up and Ticked Off.

This man will not get out of my space. If he doesn't have a plan to MOVE ON when I get off work my head might pop off.

I would take the kids and get out of his space tomorrow but the house would go into foreclosure. I can't make two payments.

I do know I could file for divorce and exclusive use of the house. I told him I'd wait a bit to file the papers until he/we were on some decent footing. I'd like to do that. That seems reasonable and compassionate and yadda yadda yadda.

I did that a month ago and withdrew them. That was SUCH a mistake, which is not a surprise to anyone else here I'm sure

GiveLove

Is it possible to file those papers now? It seems like you're reaching a point of greater clarity about what's important to you, and what you are willing to tolerate.

Just a thought. Hang in there, thumper. Let yourself feel what you feel.

tjp613

It's a shame our "nice intentions" don't work out like we EXPECT them to -- not with addicts...or soon-to-be ex's. It's unfortunate that we have to ONLY look out for ourselves and deny that nurturing half of us that we so want to hang onto. Yeah, it's time to get tough and pull out the big guns because nobody is looking out for you except YOU. The A's will drag their feet and take advantage at every opportunity. It's unfortunate, but IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Try to take the emotion out of it (so you can lower your blood pressure) and calmly decide your next step. No need to waste any more breath with him -- just do what you have to do. He's proven through his actions that he will not be cooperating. One step after the other .... keep moving forward.

While you're at it, pat yourself on the back for taking back control of your life.

Mitsy

That healthy anger will get you through. I realize it's a fine line though. You don't want to be so angry to make your blood pressure go up but angry enough to cause change in your own life because the alcoholic won't change theirs. And don't beat yourself up about withdrawing the papers. You did give him many chances, so he can't claim you didn't. I remember my ex-bf talking about me giving him another chance. I think I gave him at least 4-5 chances when I'd had enough and told him he'd blown all his chances and more. If they can't learn after that many, there is no reason to give them 6-12 more chances because they will blow them as well. Past behavior is indicative of future behavior and that really goes along with how a lot of alcoholics turn out. SOME do find sobriety and I'm grateful that those people oftentimes choose to help others. Many do not though and they never do "get it". Keep strong and many are pulling for you.

LaTeeDa

It was a big step forward for me when I stopped making promises. Also, when I realized it's okay to change my mind. I may have said I would to X, but since I said it, circumstances have changed and X is no longer in my best interest.

It's okay to do what is best for you. You don't have to be bound forever by something you said when things were different, or your feelings were different.

I hereby give you permission to change your mind.

L

transformyself

And I give you permission for the rest of your emotions to strap you into that roller coaster and take you for a ride! (Because I"m the all knowing and powerful OZ, dontcha know...)

Seriously, when I can look at my emotions and realize that they're all part of the normal process of grieving, of healing, and still be able to CHOOSE my actions- I know my prayers are being answered.

You know, those prayers where you just ball up your fists or cry into the pillow and beg Help me..

transformyself

PS- And I hope that didn't sound like I"m not validating you or your feelings.