Dreading the Weekend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 98
Dreading the Weekend
Its coming.I am working on my sobriety and living with an alcoholic that i have been married to for 25 years.
Week long,,,not a problem usually as he is functional and very responsible to his job...
But come Friday, straight to the bar, and the party starts.
Comes home smashed and angry.
When I was drunk, we would fight on Friday.
Need to make a plan to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE on Friday and let it be.
Sitting home calling him to come home does nothing but upset me and threaten my sobriety.
Any suggestions?
I also have a 13 year old at home, thinking may-be a movie and dinner?
Start a new tradition.
I made a mistake of going out alone last Friday and my poor 13 year old was left to deal with him when he came home and it was bad.
The the cycle begins
Saturday is sometimes bad too. Or if Friday was REALLY bad he is on the couch all day Saturday.
Sunday on the couch all day....
Mean on Monday and sick, "I Have the runs and heartburn and I don't know why"
Tuesday. Mean and hates everyone
Wenesday, starting to get nice
Thursday, starting to complain so he has a reason to drink
Friday, disappears completely, no phone, no contact, at the bar.
Our marriage has been over for about 3 years, NO INTIMACY at all, all my fault as he is not attracted to me.
That led to my downfall, but I am trying now to clean my ass up and stay sober.
THANKS for listening, I know you can't solve it for me, but I needed to get this out.
Week long,,,not a problem usually as he is functional and very responsible to his job...
But come Friday, straight to the bar, and the party starts.
Comes home smashed and angry.
When I was drunk, we would fight on Friday.
Need to make a plan to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE on Friday and let it be.
Sitting home calling him to come home does nothing but upset me and threaten my sobriety.
Any suggestions?
I also have a 13 year old at home, thinking may-be a movie and dinner?
Start a new tradition.
I made a mistake of going out alone last Friday and my poor 13 year old was left to deal with him when he came home and it was bad.
The the cycle begins
Saturday is sometimes bad too. Or if Friday was REALLY bad he is on the couch all day Saturday.
Sunday on the couch all day....
Mean on Monday and sick, "I Have the runs and heartburn and I don't know why"
Tuesday. Mean and hates everyone
Wenesday, starting to get nice
Thursday, starting to complain so he has a reason to drink
Friday, disappears completely, no phone, no contact, at the bar.
Our marriage has been over for about 3 years, NO INTIMACY at all, all my fault as he is not attracted to me.
That led to my downfall, but I am trying now to clean my ass up and stay sober.
THANKS for listening, I know you can't solve it for me, but I needed to get this out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Mean on Monday and sick, "I Have the runs and heartburn and I don't know why"
Tuesday. Mean and hates everyone
Wenesday, starting to get nice
Thursday, starting to complain so he has a reason to drink
Friday, disappears completely, no phone, no contact, at the bar.
That's a hard Mon-Fri! And doesn't sound very "functional!" Yes, he may get to work, but as you know if you are battling your own drinking problem, nothing gets in the way of the drinking - so if he has to keep his job so that he can maintain this routine and drink as he chooses then he will keep his job, etc. But obviously his life revolves around the drink.
Congrats to you on your sobriety!
Keep doing the next right thing for you and your child. That's a very sick and chaotic dynamic for a thirteen year old to be learning. Children learn what they live. I know I did growing up with an alcoholic father and codie mom.
Have you tried AlAnon or AlAteen for your child? It's free and anonymous and helps people who love alcoholics learn how to get their own lives back on track. It really turned my head around in a good way. I lived in NYC when I finally discovered AlAnon and there were so many meetings to choose from in every neighborhood.
If your marriage has been over for 3 years why are you still living together?
Dreading the weekends is no way to live!! Dreading anything in your own home, that pit in your stomach - yuk - that'll make you crazy and depressed. I like your dinner and a movie idea w/ your teenager!
You know his drinking is his problem, you can't change that. But you can make a little plan, maybe start with a little list, of what you want to change in your life. Baby steps will still get you somewhere!
peace & welcome--
b
Tuesday. Mean and hates everyone
Wenesday, starting to get nice
Thursday, starting to complain so he has a reason to drink
Friday, disappears completely, no phone, no contact, at the bar.
That's a hard Mon-Fri! And doesn't sound very "functional!" Yes, he may get to work, but as you know if you are battling your own drinking problem, nothing gets in the way of the drinking - so if he has to keep his job so that he can maintain this routine and drink as he chooses then he will keep his job, etc. But obviously his life revolves around the drink.
Congrats to you on your sobriety!
Keep doing the next right thing for you and your child. That's a very sick and chaotic dynamic for a thirteen year old to be learning. Children learn what they live. I know I did growing up with an alcoholic father and codie mom.
Have you tried AlAnon or AlAteen for your child? It's free and anonymous and helps people who love alcoholics learn how to get their own lives back on track. It really turned my head around in a good way. I lived in NYC when I finally discovered AlAnon and there were so many meetings to choose from in every neighborhood.
If your marriage has been over for 3 years why are you still living together?
Dreading the weekends is no way to live!! Dreading anything in your own home, that pit in your stomach - yuk - that'll make you crazy and depressed. I like your dinner and a movie idea w/ your teenager!
You know his drinking is his problem, you can't change that. But you can make a little plan, maybe start with a little list, of what you want to change in your life. Baby steps will still get you somewhere!
peace & welcome--
b
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
Hello there!!! I too am a recovering alcoholic, and I want to tell you that the ONLY thing you need to worry about at this time is getting to meetings and not drinking. You can't control what he does, and he is not yours to worry about. Romance and finance are the two biggest things that most alcoholics relapse over. Is there people that you know in the program that could maybe do something with you and your son? Do you have an alano club you could maybe hang around at? The biggest thing is to take this one day at a time, one minute at a time, and remember that it's all about you taking care of you today. Your sobriety is the MOST important thing, along with keeping you and your son safe. You don't have to be a victim of his alcoholism, all you have to do is take care of yours. I understand how hard this is because of him, and I can tell you from experience that it doesn't get easier. I wanted to drink over my XABF's drinking so many times, but I just got to meetings, talked about it, talked to my sponsor, and read my Big Book. It passes, and I realized that my sobriety was in jeapordy if I continued to stay with this man, and today, NO ONE gets in the way of my sobriety. Big hugs to you!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Maybe you two could attend an Al-anon meeting together on Friday nights? When my daughter (15) and I did this it provided us with a great opportunity to talk things out and much healing took place -- she learned a LOT and so did I. So maybe dinner and a meeting?? Or better yet, a meeting THEN dinner... a time to talk together.
My daughter also enjoyed Alateen but the meetings can be hard to find.
I wish you all the best as you walk this journey. Stay strong for yourself and you will provide a great role model for your child.
My daughter also enjoyed Alateen but the meetings can be hard to find.
I wish you all the best as you walk this journey. Stay strong for yourself and you will provide a great role model for your child.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
(((The LadyB)))
Congrats to working on your sobriety.
I am an alcoholic, I was sober for almost 6 years, relapsed this year and I am back on week 5.
My husband is a weekend warrior. He isn't mean or abusive., just a weekend excessive beer drinker. I battle the repeated words...slightly slurred talk, and louder drunken voice.
Years ago., it would almost set my skin on fire..I just couldn't take it.
I realized though, I can only work on myself. I need to be a healthy example to my children of how to parent and love without alcohol. This also allowed me some very healthy dialouge with my children about the dangers of drinking, and their genetic
history with alcoholism.
Don't worry about romance, worry about you.
Do things with your child. with your child and some of their friends maybe. I spent alot of time being the Mom that drove everyone everywhere, or was the parental escort at times, anything to keep busy, and keep the focus off of things I cannot control...such as my husbands drinking.
I can only imagine how tough this is for you..as it has been suggested, an Al-Anon meeting would be wonderful for you, and your teen.
Hang in there...you are worth living a sober life, and so much more.
Congrats to working on your sobriety.
I am an alcoholic, I was sober for almost 6 years, relapsed this year and I am back on week 5.
My husband is a weekend warrior. He isn't mean or abusive., just a weekend excessive beer drinker. I battle the repeated words...slightly slurred talk, and louder drunken voice.
Years ago., it would almost set my skin on fire..I just couldn't take it.
I realized though, I can only work on myself. I need to be a healthy example to my children of how to parent and love without alcohol. This also allowed me some very healthy dialouge with my children about the dangers of drinking, and their genetic
history with alcoholism.
Don't worry about romance, worry about you.
Do things with your child. with your child and some of their friends maybe. I spent alot of time being the Mom that drove everyone everywhere, or was the parental escort at times, anything to keep busy, and keep the focus off of things I cannot control...such as my husbands drinking.
I can only imagine how tough this is for you..as it has been suggested, an Al-Anon meeting would be wonderful for you, and your teen.
Hang in there...you are worth living a sober life, and so much more.
one.day.at.a.time.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Lousiana
Posts: 19
how can people stay sober around other people who are alcoholics? wouldn't that be a trigger for the recovering person to drink? wouldn't the best thing be to take yourself out of a situation where you could potentially relapse... not only for yourself but for your kids? not for one night but until you two were on the same page. some people can't live with or without one another i know. i mean to leave your own house out of fear of what someone will do when they come home, someone who loves you and vowed to always make sure you are comforatable and safe, doesn't seem okay to me. i know there is always more than what is in these boxes and some situations are hard but i was 13 years old with alcoholic parents and it wasn't easy to understand at that age why my parents were making the choices they were making. i think about the 13 year old who knows he is leaving home for a while becasue his father gets drunk and comes home angry and mad... that makes me sad for him. just the fact that his father comes hom drunk or doesn't come home at all is enough for him. i feel like if there is any reason to leave it would be to make sure he feels okay... safe.
it will be his father's decision to get sober and patch up the holes in their relationship but he will always know mom kept him safe. my nanny & grandmother is that person for me and i am forever grateful to her for that. i always knew i had a safe place with them and you have no idea what that means to me as an adult.
best of luck to you. hugs!
it will be his father's decision to get sober and patch up the holes in their relationship but he will always know mom kept him safe. my nanny & grandmother is that person for me and i am forever grateful to her for that. i always knew i had a safe place with them and you have no idea what that means to me as an adult.
best of luck to you. hugs!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Rush..some people can't stay sober around alcoholics, some can. Some can be around alcohol in social situations, some can't.
When we become grounded in a program of recovery, no one, nothing will make us drink. We may have to change somethings in our lives, including our marital situation, we may not.
Each persons path and journey to recovery is different.
When we have enough, and need to make those changes, we will.
I am so glad you had a Nanny and Grandmother to be your safe place, your haven and refuge from the storm of alcoholism.
Peace
When we become grounded in a program of recovery, no one, nothing will make us drink. We may have to change somethings in our lives, including our marital situation, we may not.
Each persons path and journey to recovery is different.
When we have enough, and need to make those changes, we will.
I am so glad you had a Nanny and Grandmother to be your safe place, your haven and refuge from the storm of alcoholism.
Peace
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