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Cath1029 09-22-2009 07:54 PM

So blessed
 
Tonight, I had one of the most amazing nights of my life, spending it at a couple's house who are in recovery.

To put what happened into words would hardly do it justice. I felt His presence there, I really did. Like never before. I feel so relaxed right now. Everything that is happening in my life is for a reason. I cried, prayed, unburdened, laughed and listened. I connected in so many different ways, never so close before.

I wish I could write more about it, but I wanted to share what I could with all of you. Maybe tomorrow I will find the right words. I am so grateful and blessed to have had such an experience.

My stomach is full, my body is tired, and my heart is lighter.

queenie88 09-22-2009 08:03 PM

this sounds great cath, what a peaceful and wonderful revelation you're having!

:ghug3

ItsmeAlice 09-22-2009 08:19 PM

Your post brought tears to me eyes, Cath. You deserve this light and hope.

I wish you restorative sleep tonight.

Be well,

Alice

Cath1029 09-22-2009 08:29 PM

I can't explain it very well. He was everywhere in that house tonight. I will try to tell the story tomorrow if I can. Thank you for letting me share the experience with you.

TakingCharge999 09-22-2009 10:17 PM

we are all ears!! err... eyes!!

Cath1029 09-23-2009 01:14 AM

Okay, I will do my best to share the story, although like I said it's hard to find the words. It wasn't really like any one huge thing happened, except it did within myself.

I knew the husband first from the program. He was the speaker at one of the meetings. I remember he spoke from his heart and even got teary at one point. I was so touched at the time that, even though I was pretty new, I went up to him afterwards and thanked him. I found out a few days later through a friend that he and his wife live out here in the country near me.

I talked to him again, and he said he would drive me to some meetings if I needed it, which I accepted because I really wanted to hear more of what he had to say. He totally seemed at peace, and he had what I so desperately wanted, and I was drawn to want to be his friend. He introduced me to a couple of people in the program who were very loving and welcoming, and they gave me the same feeling that he did, like they had figured something out that not too many of us knew.

Anyway, it turns out that my sponsor works with him every day, and through that we exchanged e-mails (because I don't have a phone now). He invited me to come over to his and his wife's house and do some reading. I accepted gratefully, adding that I probably wouldn't be very good company because I had fallen into some depression lately. Before he picked me up, I was doubting the whole thing, thinking I probably shouldn't even go and pacing nervously until he got here.

On the drive over, I was teary. I told him I felt lost without my phone, my daughter, my support system, everything. I confessed about taking the extra pills the day before and how they had messed me up and made me sick and that I was afraid to tell my sponsor. He told me that my sponsor had arranged to call while I was over there. He then said that I would really like his house, that it was a special place and that a lot of people had gotten well there. He told me that my support system and family was going to grow in ways I couldn't even imagine.

We got there and I met his wife and his dogs and cats, too. He invited me onto the back porch and read from the Big Book to me, mostly from the Third Step. Even though I have looked through the book before, this time the parts he was reading seemed much more profound, and he put the sections together in a way where I was really getting it. I felt myself welling up as he read about HP's love for us and how He would take care of everything and that we shouldn't be afraid.

My sponsor then called, and he excused himself so we could talk. I bawled my eyes out as I confessed about the pills, saying I didn't want her to leave me. She said that, God willing, she would never do that in a million years and loved me. She was comforting and understanding as I unburdened.

Afterwards, my friend came back outside and shared a little more of his own story with me, the dark place he had come from and how he was able to escape it. Without getting specific, he also told me of the very dark places some of the others he was close to in the program came from, the very same people I have envied so much because they were so peaceful and happy. He told me there was a reason I was going through all this right now, why I don't have a phone, why I am struggling. I just don't know it yet.

We prayed after that. His prayer for me was beautiful and made me cry (again). Then he said he was going to be a bit unconventional and work a Tenth Step with me about the pills, even though I am only on Step One. We went through all of the effects of what I had done: self-esteem (fear), ambition, pride, etc. It was amazing! After it was over, I felt totally cleansed and didn't feel the least bit bad about it anymore. He told me that there were more amazing experiences like that ahead of me by working the steps.

He then burned a piece of sage, saying that some people believed that it was cleansing and that the smell of it later would remind me of the good and peaceful feelings I was having right then. He let me hold it and breathe it in, and I felt myself relaxing and feeling legitimately tired for the first time in a long time. He said he would bring it to my house and do the same thing there, because my cottage has been feeling dark and like a prison lately.

He told me that amazing things were going to happen for me if I was willing to do the work and that he could see that I was ready and willing. I felt worthy for the first time in a long time, maybe ever. He then handed me one of the beautiful candles on his table. The picture of it was a warrior slaying demons, and he picked it specifically for me so I could slay my own.

I felt exhausted as we were leaving, but excited. I felt like He had been there the whole time, and I never wanted that feeling to leave me ever again. His wife handed me a box full of food as well--so kind. He said I could come over anytime I wanted, and truth be told I wanted to move in with them (lol). He was right about it being a special place. I did feel well. We looked up at the stars on the way to the car. They are amazing out here in the country. It was like HP was everywhere.

Well, those are the words, but it's harder to convey the feelings as they really were. Harder to describe. I felt such a sense of peace that I didn't even want to go to bed, tired as I was, for fear of losing it. But it is still with me even as I type this. I want more of it. I'm aching for it. I want to open my heart and let God rush in and show me all the wonderful gifts he has in store.

I know the feelings must seem hard to believe. I have not been a believer my whole life and have never fully believed or trusted in a higher power than myself. But they were there--they really were. It was an experience like none I have ever had before. Thank you for letting me share it with you.

Jadmack25 09-23-2009 02:24 AM

Cath quote: (((I want to open my heart and let God rush in and show me all the wonderful gifts he has in store.)))

Oh my dear girl, how wonderful and powerful an experience for you. So now OPEN yourself totally to Him and surrender your life and will to His. The graces and blessings that flow are unbelievable to imagine, until they begin raining down on you.

He has given you helpers and guides to light your way, and lifted you from that dark place you were in only a couple of days ago. This is Jeremiah 29:11 in action

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord,
plans for your welfare and not for harm.
To give you a future with hope.


I would suggest that the warrior on the candle was representative of St Michael the Archangel, the great defender. I have him in my car and in my home, praying his help to keep the harm of alcohol away from me and my home.

Cath, use up the next days in building up your strength, gaining knowlege and belieing in your future being bright and wonderfully rich.

God bless those new friends and you, abundantly.

Pelican 09-23-2009 03:28 AM


Originally Posted by Cath1029 (Post 2376024)

My stomach is full, my body is tired, and my heart is lighter.


Oh how beautiful!

Thanks for sharing your recovery with us!

Peace and hugs

TakingCharge999 09-24-2009 10:43 AM



Sorry Cath and Freedom, you got me started on this pasting youtube thing lol

Wasn't the warrior Archangel Michael by any chance? he is my angel of choice, he helps those who transcend experiences...

Thank you for sharing !!

Cath1029 09-24-2009 11:14 AM

Wow, that was great!!! The name on the candle says, "San Miguel." I had never heard of him, but loved the idea of slaying demons.

For those of you who were wondering about my exciting UTI (lol), I went to the ER this morning. They found blood and bacteria, but said that because of expense (aka no insurance) they weren't going to investigate further. BUT...they did give me free sulfa antibiotics to take, so I am happy with that. Still kinda uncomfortable though (ouch).

I am going to the meeting tonight with my friend (mentioned above), and I am so looking forward to it. Kinda worried that I will have a hard time sitting there with discomfort, but totally gonna do it anyway.

He sent me a "morning reading" that was a little saying about how feelings are not facts, God understands our feelings, and it pleases Him when we do not let our feelings run away with us. Good stuff!!

Cath1029 09-24-2009 11:17 AM

Oh wait...BIG correction!!!!!!

I just looked on the back of the candle, and it IS St. Michael the Archangel. I guess the other is his Latin name?

WOW, that is really cool!!

ItsmeAlice 09-24-2009 11:33 AM

Cath,

Thank you for sharing this. You may have had a hard time putting your feelings into words, but what you were able to write out was truly inspiring. You have the 'attitude of grattitude' and it is a wonderous thing!

Blessings to you today,

Alice

Astro 09-24-2009 11:38 AM

Cath, nothing happens in God's world by mistake.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience with us.

Jadmack25 09-24-2009 04:15 PM

Cath, St Michael is the protective big gun, and I have him in my home and car, my purse and have given his picture to all my girls to have in their homes. I even sneaked him into abf's flat when he was trying to stop drinking and living dangerously. Boy oh boy, did St M work on keeping abf from some terrible people who were doing all they could to get him back on the beer so they could do more freeloading on him.

Hope that UTI is sorted very soon, as it is an awful thing to go thru.

God bless

Cath1029 09-24-2009 04:30 PM

Thanks, I am going to drag myself to a meeting tonight, UTI or not. I need to be there for the healing and among friends, not here by myself. Feel like cr*p, but that's probably the best time to go.

endzoner 09-24-2009 07:39 PM

Awesome Share Cath !! I experienced those same unwordy feelings at my first AA confrence , all them ppl all that spiritualy, and such reaching thu one hand to anothers while saying the lords prayer , at the end of the meeting , my eyes were closed and it was as tho I was literly floating in the air , my head became black if just for a brief second and tears rolled down my face , what a powerful amazing feeling it was . again something that really words dont do justic to . Im really glad your reaching out to someone whom can help you in your recov and just friendship . your share brought tears to my eyes of happiness for you , and everything he told you is true the gifts are endless and rewards are incredible , all things DO happen for a reason .. ~ Huggles Endzy ~


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