vegibean

***had originally posted this up in new comers, but posting it here by suggestion. I'm having a real hard time with my X. He wasn't so great to begin with back when we were married and now that we're divorced it's like he's on a rampage to see me fail, make me out as a horrible mother and do whatever it takes to bring me down to the bottom. Help?*** TIA!!!

..........with the X that is. Every time I turn around with this guy it's something else. Starting with the phone call Friday night in regards to a paper for school in regards to our son. He called wanting to know my roommates medical status, said he needed to know for school and I asked if I could see the paper work first.

Turned into "you're not cooperating, I'm going to let the courts know, the school know, you aren't helping with your son, I'm writing a note on the paper work to take to school so the school knows that you weren't cooperating." and so on.................

I know I'm right on this one but the whole thing that I questioned is why he needed to know someone else's PRIVATE medical status. Also as his mom with equal rights I think I have a right to know why he's asking without being harassed in the process.

You know, I swear I'm not trying to be difficult but I would like to get through one week of not having a phone call with him that ends in "I'm going to write down this or that, I'm going to make sure the courts know that you are doing nothing to help me and that you don't care about your son."

Let me tell you how close to tears I've been to all weekend. He's stalked me on here, driven by the house, I feel like his phone calls are total harassment when all I'm doing is asking "why" and it's got to turn into I'm a horrible parent.

And I believe that the main reason why he's doing this is because he wants to pack up our son and move to another state with him for work so in the meantime he's working really hard on trying to prove that I'm an unfit parent.

Of course the whole "alcoholic" thing makes me feel completely doomed and defeated.

I am at my wits end people. I know for a fact I have done nothing wrong however I am so tired of being sick to my stomach and stressed over this man.

Thanks for letting me share.

Astro

Glad to see you posted this over here, and I'll share my response too........

I can definitely relate to this. I've been divorced for just over 4 years, and it's no coincidence that my divorce and my sobriety started at the same time. Sometimes recovery saves marriages, but other times alcoholism has devastating effects on relationships and parenting. And I have to admit that I'm guilty of dishing it out, taking and practicing the 12 Steps doesn't guarantee perfection in handling parenting issues, I'm still a work in progress.

I can tell you from experience that with time it will most likely get better, but sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back. If I still saw eye-to-eye with my spouse on everything, we'd probably still be married, but it's the differences that tear marriages apart. What I do know for sure is that I have the choice every day to keep my side of the street clean. My ex can say, think, or do whatever she pleases, but that doesn't mean it's true and I don't have to react to it. It takes practice and patience to set and maintain boundaries, and to practice detachment as much as possible, but I find it to be a necessity in order to keep the peace.

The most powerful "tool" I can use is a Parenting Plan, it's sorta like the "rules and guidelines" for "playing nice". Any attempts to change or overrule the PP is contempt of court so it's not to be taken lightly. If you don't have one, please seek legal help and get one if they're available in your state.

I know you're stressing but get a load of this.......My ex is a teacher at a local high school, my son is a freshman this year and my daughter's in 6th grade. My "stinking thinking" tells me that she's badmouthed my name all over the public school system and I'm Public Enemy #1 when it comes to education. And we've had more than our share of battles over homework and other school-related issues. But honestly, I've never felt all that uncomfortable around my kids teachers, and if some of them do think poorly of me, that's their burden to bear, not mine. The only thing that's really important to me is being the best father I'm capable of being to my children. Most days, I feel like a hero, in spite of being an alcoholic in recovery. In fact, I'm damn proud of it.

catlovermi

Not sure of your history here, but did have a thought.

Keep all your communications with him in written form, so you have documentation of what was said. (Texts, IMs, emails). In case you ever need it. There is no way to prove what was said verbally and it becomes a he said, she said conundrum if a judge is trying to figure out the truth.

Sorry he is so difficult.

Unfortunately, you can only manage your own end, and your own behavior.

CLMI