Down the road.. a talk I had with my Mother
I grew my wings to fly...
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
Down the road.. a talk I had with my Mother
I had to have that 'talk' with my mother regarding what her plans are for her future, since it appears that she is going to be a widow soon. Her husband is an alcoholic and he is in real bad shape. The sad part of all of this is the DENIAL!. He (her husband) can hardly walk, his lungs sound like they are full of fluid, and he is in constant abdominal pain. She said to him, Please dear go to the doctors. He said, why I want to die. She said, what about me. He said, who cares, one of the kids will take care of you. WHO CARES!. After 36 year of dealing with this complete... (#^($#^()^$!! and the advice he can offer her is, WHO CARES!.
After she told me this, I went over to visit her. (and to see what he looked like). He looks like death warmed over, and I feel bad for.......MY MOTHER!. It is going to break my heart when he dies, although the DRINK did this to him. The doctor told him YEARS ago to stop drinking and he said, when he is dead is when he will stop. SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH!. I know this isn't my PROBLEM, it was just hard sitting next to my Mother and saying, Umm.. Mom, have you made any plans for after he passes? She looked at me and said, who knows, maybe I will be dead before him. I just lifted my eyebrows and said, maybe so, but in the event that you aren't, have you thought about what you are going to do with this large house? (they just bought a 5 bedroom house, for what? God only knows). She said, I can't afford this on my own, you can move in. I said, Mom.. we would kill each other if we lived together. (me being on my own for so long I know I wouldn't be able to handle moving in with her).
I sat away from her after he came back in the house, and just sat there looking at both of them. I can hear her words echoing in my head one night when I was complaining about being alone.. She said, I am alone too, but at least you can do as you please, I am alone with someone sitting right here.
I remember the lonely feeling of being in the same room with an alcoholic and it was if I was alone, except for the snide remarks and comments.
I took a good long, hard look at them and thought to myself. I am BLESSED to NOT be with an alcoholic, and that I need to keep that vision of the two of them sitting there like complete strangers, in my head for further use and knowledge that THIS is the kind of life you lead when you have lived with an alcoholic for many, many years. It ceases to exist and it revolves around their sickness.
He is a functioning alcoholic, he works hard, brings in great money and drinks every day he isn't working to the point of complete oblivion. What a life to lead. Her weekends are sucked up by the bottle. I REFUSE to live like that. Oh no, it isn't for me. I learned my lesson times 1000!!.
I feel bad for my Mom, but I always remember we all make choices in our life. Maybe she will get a reprieve from this disease and be able to go on vacation for ONCE in her life. (My Mom is young too, only 62). Sad, but true.
After she told me this, I went over to visit her. (and to see what he looked like). He looks like death warmed over, and I feel bad for.......MY MOTHER!. It is going to break my heart when he dies, although the DRINK did this to him. The doctor told him YEARS ago to stop drinking and he said, when he is dead is when he will stop. SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH!. I know this isn't my PROBLEM, it was just hard sitting next to my Mother and saying, Umm.. Mom, have you made any plans for after he passes? She looked at me and said, who knows, maybe I will be dead before him. I just lifted my eyebrows and said, maybe so, but in the event that you aren't, have you thought about what you are going to do with this large house? (they just bought a 5 bedroom house, for what? God only knows). She said, I can't afford this on my own, you can move in. I said, Mom.. we would kill each other if we lived together. (me being on my own for so long I know I wouldn't be able to handle moving in with her).
I sat away from her after he came back in the house, and just sat there looking at both of them. I can hear her words echoing in my head one night when I was complaining about being alone.. She said, I am alone too, but at least you can do as you please, I am alone with someone sitting right here.
I remember the lonely feeling of being in the same room with an alcoholic and it was if I was alone, except for the snide remarks and comments.
I took a good long, hard look at them and thought to myself. I am BLESSED to NOT be with an alcoholic, and that I need to keep that vision of the two of them sitting there like complete strangers, in my head for further use and knowledge that THIS is the kind of life you lead when you have lived with an alcoholic for many, many years. It ceases to exist and it revolves around their sickness.
He is a functioning alcoholic, he works hard, brings in great money and drinks every day he isn't working to the point of complete oblivion. What a life to lead. Her weekends are sucked up by the bottle. I REFUSE to live like that. Oh no, it isn't for me. I learned my lesson times 1000!!.
I feel bad for my Mom, but I always remember we all make choices in our life. Maybe she will get a reprieve from this disease and be able to go on vacation for ONCE in her life. (My Mom is young too, only 62). Sad, but true.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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My best girlfriend's grandma just lost her alcoholic husband last year, after years of the same things you describe, freebird.
We were all so worried about her. It was the only life she'd ever known, and she was just lost at first.
Last week? She was gone all week, sorry can't return your phone calls, because I'm off on a road trip in the Smoky Mountains with my girlfriends in an SUV. Something she could NEVER have done while he was alive. She has literally come back to life at 65.
It is sad what some people choose to do to themselves, freebird, and I'm sorry your mom's husband has chosen this way to go, but don't underestimate the blessings it may bring to your mom.
Hugs, strength, and detachment to you, my friend
We were all so worried about her. It was the only life she'd ever known, and she was just lost at first.
Last week? She was gone all week, sorry can't return your phone calls, because I'm off on a road trip in the Smoky Mountains with my girlfriends in an SUV. Something she could NEVER have done while he was alive. She has literally come back to life at 65.
It is sad what some people choose to do to themselves, freebird, and I'm sorry your mom's husband has chosen this way to go, but don't underestimate the blessings it may bring to your mom.
Hugs, strength, and detachment to you, my friend
I grew my wings to fly...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
GIveLove, thank you. I am hoping this will give her a new lease on life. She beat cancer 6 years in remission now, so possibly she can be strong in the face of the inevitable. I wanted to give her a gift of a trip to her most desired destination for her 60th birthday, I talked with her husband about it first (as he would have to 'let' her go, AND go with her) he said, don't bother I won't take her, I did my traveling when I was younger. I said, that isn't fair, she has had to raise kids her whole life. He said, too bad she choose to be a Mother. Ah the alcoholic mind!!. I have learnt a LOT from watching them, and also living it.
I appreciate your advice, and story regarding your friends grandma. I will keep the thought of my Mom actually getting a chance to experience a bit of the 'good life', in my mind instead of the misery. (that we all here are well aware of).
I appreciate your advice, and story regarding your friends grandma. I will keep the thought of my Mom actually getting a chance to experience a bit of the 'good life', in my mind instead of the misery. (that we all here are well aware of).
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