5Fingaz

Well im back... Sorry I havent posted in a while but ive been trying to figure things out on my own. Those of you who dont know my story can look up past posts.

Well ive been trying to work things out with my alcoholic gf. Shes been trying to quit with missteps along the way and the abuse hasnt stopped but I did move out and ive been trying to figure it out. The thing is I love this girl to death and I cant just leave her. She has no friends or family around her and i cant just let her hang out to dry. She has suicidal thoughts and i feel like it would be very irresponsible of me to cut off contact and just leave her by herself. To be honset i have been staying with her but have not moved my stuff back in.

Well to the point. We went to her best friends wedding this weekend. My gf had started drinking early in the day. We were having a great time until the garter toss. I caught the garter and another girl caught the bouqet so I felt inclined to put it on her leg. My gf blew up said I should have tried to put it on her leg. All of her friends tried to comfort her said i did nothing wrong. She went off on all of them. Slapped me in the face at the bar got kicked out. We had to get her into a taxi and she tried to slap two other people. I get her up to the hotel room where she proceeds to try and punch and slap me. I hold her down and try to walk away. I go back down with her friends im talking to them when she causes another scene insults all her friends even the bride and disappears.

Meanwhile I pull two of her friends to the side and tell them about her drinking. How i took her to the hospital one night because she was afraid to sleep. She had a bac of .30 her friends know of her problems from her past. They know she had been to rehab twice. But they thought she was better and could drink here and there. Shes been hiding the severity of it from her friends and family. I usually keep things like this to myself but i wanted to confide in her friends.

Somehow my gf found out. One of her friends confronted her about it. Ive been trying to be there for her so I went to her house yesterday and my gf goes off says I should keep things like this between us two and I should have never gotten other people involved. She basically blamed the entire night on me and said I ruined her life.

My question is did I do the right thing? Im just looking for help and I know shes the only one that can help herself but should I have told her friends?

5Fingaz

Anybody??

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Kinda impatient there. Gonna snip out one key phrase:

The thing is I love this girl to death

Did it ever occur to you that may be what you're doing now?

That possibly, because of your history together-thanks Freya!-that you might not be the best person for her to have around now?

Do a little more reading on the subject-stickies are a good place to start.

GiveLove

I'm sorry, 5fingaz. This is the kind of chaos, blaming, and insanity that comes with choosing to try to "rescue" a mentally unstable alcoholic. I wish I could suggest something otherwise. I wish you luck in whatever it is you think you're going to be able to do. She is an active alcoholic who refuses to stop drinking, and she will never get LESS suicidal pouring depressants through her body, so it sounds like you have given yourself a life sentence.

And for my two cents: Telling her friends (if they're not YOUR friends) would probably irritate me too. Tell YOUR family, YOUR friends, YOUR counselor, cool. Try to enlist HER friends and acquaintances help in getting her sober....definitely gray area with me. Have you read "Getting Them Sober" by toby rice drews, by the way?

And for the four-cent completely unsolicited comment: if you slipped a garter on another girl at a wedding you were attending with me, you probably would've landed in the cake. Many women would consider that really disrespectful, to put it mildly.

Good luck!

LaTeeDa

This doesn't sound like love to me. Sounds more like pity.

I used to confuse pity with love, too. A good counselor really helped me sort that out.

L

5Fingaz

Well I caught the garter and was trying to walk away. The dude on the mic was like dont be shy cmon where are you?? So I decided to do it. It happened without thinking. Next time I know better.

palmbayflorida

Have you tried talking to her about her problems when she is sober? Maybe some counselling. I am new here but have had to deal with this same issue with my girlfriend.

NYC_Chick

Driving yourself crazy with what she is doing is wasted energy. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I nearly killed myself trying to my my xabf's life "better," meaning how I wanted his life to be. What she does is her choice and she's the only one that can save herself. She doesn't seem to want that. That leaves you with a choice to live your life for you or to continue to live your life trying to save her. I know it's hard, but choosing yourself is much better in the long run. I'm thankful I realized that before I handed what was left of me over to my ex when I was at my worse point. Only you know what your bottom is. Hopefully you reach it before you destroy your life for her.

As a side note, and not a way to blame. I probably would have been upset about the garter thing too. Obviously I would not have gone as far as she did, but I think it would have bothered me.

Good luck to you and I hope you find what is best for YOU in all of this.