bebemay

I just wanted to post this because right now, I am feeling really proud of myself!! My exabf and I have been talking again lately...he finally reached what I call his "turnaround" point, where he decides to "repent" and apologizes, and then the honeymoon stage begins. I spent the night with him Saturday, which was the day he decided to go back to his "good" self (stupid I know). Since then he has been a perfect angel, respectful and caring. But this time it has been different for me. I just dont feel...the sense of relief I used to when he would decide to come back to me. I dont want to be completely immersed in him for few months or years or w/e, only to have my heart broken again. Today was the day he got out of work release for good....(he has been getting 48 hour passes every weekend and been spending them drinking). Last night he was calling me all night, being loving and sweet, and I told him that I need my personal space and time to focus on me, and that I dont know how I feel about him and the things he has been doing to me for the past two months. Today he got out, and he just told me he is moving in with a guy he knows across the city from me to give me the space I requested, and to work on himself. He was originally supposed to move in with me, but had decided to stay with his mom instead when we started fight....and then Saturday he had mentioned staying with me all the time. SO when he told me today he is moving in with this guy, at first I felt hurt that he no longer wanted to live with me, and even considered asking him to come and live with me again, but then it hit me- THIS IS WHAT I WANTED! and need. I just said "ok", and then he said, "see now I know you are dating someone else", and I said "no, I am just going to be myself and be happy and healthy". and he said ok. That was that! This might not seem like a big deal, but I felt like it was. A big step of independence for me thanks for listening!

GiveLove

It is a HUGE deal, bebemay, and you should be proud of yourself. This distance will give you the freedom to make good, safe decisions for yourself.

It also showed you what kind of man he is. One of our SR members reminds us that the way to get an addict to show their true colors is to tell them "No." You told him no, and he started in with the badgering right away. ("you must be seeing someone else, blah blah blah quack quack")

Congratulations on your progress!!

bebemay

Thank you! Yeah I feel exactly everything you said. Im still kind of sad things cant be different, but it is so freeing to not have to constantly worry about what he is doing/going to do. And about him showing what kind of a man he is-AMEN! From reading everyones posts on this site I feel like my eyes have been opened to his manipulation, when he does things or says things like that I just think, man......nice try.

peaceteach

Bebemay,

My exAH was good at accusing ME of some kind of wrong-doing whenever I would decide to put a hand up to his quacking. I got the "you must have a boyfriend" speech as well, which I was really insulted by but now know is a STANDARD response of an A. Way to stick to your guns and realize how relieved you feel by doing so!