bremerbua

This is an update to my post a few days ago regarding my wife in alcohol recovery overseas. It concerns progress of a sort.

I’ve decided to discontinue initiating contact with her unless absolutely necessary. I won’t be calling her, or sending email.

My reasons for this decision include:
1.My calls seem to mean little to her. She has little to say to me about anything but the most benign things. She doesn’t want to talk to me about rehab, her meetings, or things related. My questions about the program or her meetings are brushed aside with very brief answers, and then quickly moves on to another topic.

2.My contacting her isn’t serving a meaningful purpose that I can detect. I’ve listened to an indifferent, emotionless voice for the past two weeks. No matter how much I try to push it aside, I still hope and expect that I will hear something in her voice that will make me feel that I matter to her. I don’t want that to be the reason that I’m calling.

Until I no longer have those expectations I won’t be contacting her. I’m not closing any doors. I’m just not knocking anymore. I made it clear, repeatedly that I am here if an when she needs me.

I arrived at this decsion due to a post on this site. I do want her to get well and get her life back. I never again want to see her suffer as I’ve seen her suffer. Whether or not, I am in the picture when the dust settles is secondary to her recovery. It was difficult for me to say that to her. It was extremely emotional. The tone of and casualness of her reply made it clear to me, that I'm already out of the the picture.

I do this also for myself. I have been totally useless for the past two weeks. I’ve spent days wondering what the truth really is over there. I’ve agonized over the thought that our relationship has ended. All This has consumed too much mentally and emotionally. I lost all sense of self. The only way for me regain that is to go with what my instincts tell me. If my instincts are correct, I’ve got a great head start on any grieving that remains. If my instincts are wrong, no harm done. Either way time will sort this out. In the meantime I have to get on with my life, and become functional again. This I will definitely do.

I truly appreciate the support and feedback you’ve provided.

Thank you!

bb

Pelican

(((bb)))

Thanks for sharing about you. That was a difficult call to make. I hope you will find peace for yourself in knowing that you have done everything you can at this point.