I don't know of any places like you mention, but I can say that individual therapy helped me tremendously........

L

I do have an appointment Monday.

Also - I bought the book recommended by Bookwyrm..."Codependent no more" during lunch.

I AM listening and trying to take steps into action. There is just a lot of information on here and I want to go over it all when I get home tonight. Please don't think I haven't heard or am not greatful for each and every post! I truely am! Ya'll have lived it and lived thru it.....I need to trust what ya'll are saying and apply it.

Take a breath...

You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to..and that includes doing nothing.

Maybe check out some of the books that have been suggested.

Wouldn't hurt to attend an Al-Anon meeting.

Breath...

Dang. This is unbelievably true. It should be tattooed - no, BRANDED - on the forehead of every co-dependent!

CLMI

I live in a small town and there are no meeting here. The closest city that has them only meets on Fridays and Mondays. I am going to go Friday. It is at a church of a different denomination and I am a little scared about that, but it is the only one close. I AM going to go though.

Al-Anon doesn't subscribe to any particulars of your personal Higher Power, nor are members allowed to suggest or pressure you to believe anything in particular. The church is just real estate for the meeting to use.

Al-Anon is a great place for you to learn tools to sort out your confusion. Just keep an open mind, and allow yourself to adapt over time to their unique culture. It can feel very strange at first, until you get used to how it works.

Look for people in meetings who have what you want, who have been where you are and made a great, healthy life for themself, and then focus on connecting with them, before or after the meeting.

:c014:

CLMI

Oh dear...don't worry about it being at a church that is a different denomination. The church just provides the meeting place, nothing else. Al-Anon people will be who you are meeting with, and discussions will not be about denominations.

Is there something you can do special for yourself right now? A bubble bath, manicure, anything at all?

You deserve something special for yourself right now.

Something for myself? No, not right now. I am at work. But I DID buy that book during lunch....can that count?

(((Innerpeace))))

The book is a great start.

Can you do anything for yourself after work, even if it is just taking a walk, buying some coffee...anything that you would really like.

This is going to sounds really sad.....but i have no idea what "I" want. Honestly...I am not feeling sorry for myself...I truely don't know what would make ME happy. I havent focused on ME for 23 years! I would say a haircut maybe, but my kids hate the way I get it cut (they say Im stuck in the 80's) but I really cant think of anything else.

Why do I feel selfish trying to answer that question?

You feel selfish because you have focused on everyone but you. You have spent time trying to take care of, fix and please everyone else.

A haircut...well, now., get one!!! If your kids don't like the style, well, then, they will live thru it. What matters is that you like it, and if it does, makes you happy, then GO FOR IT!

:ghug3

One of the things I learned in Al-Anon is that there is a difference between loving yourself and taking care of yourself, and being selfish.

It's all about being the best self you can be - healthy, productive, compassionate. And it starts with self.

Self love, and self care, first. Before we can love and care for others.

CLMI

hmmmmmm......I may just do that! It always makes me feel better. Usually I just cut it myself.

The DA leaned over, in the court room, right before our first 6hr custody battle and whispered in my ear "have you read a copy of 'Co Dependant No More'''? Ha!

It can be sooo obvious to everyone else. By then you can bet I'd read it.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Yes! Buying that book counts. Around here you we see references to slogans such as, "One day at a time", "easy does it", and "baby steps".

Day by day, bit by bit this will get better for you. Just reading here is something you are doing for you. What else can you think of that would be fun for you and would lift your spirits?

Hurray Innerpeace...get a haircut today, and treat yourself!!!!!!!!!!

That most certainly does count! :)

Doing something for yourself can be as simple as remembering to eat a healthy meal. We all get overwhelmed in crisis and forget even the basic needs.

Sometimes taking 5 minutes to sit in silence (I used to like sitting in the ladies room in a stall, it was the only place no one came looking for me). Just listen to your own heartbeat and purposefully shut out all thought. Just empty your mind and fight to keep it that way for 5 minutes. It does help to maintain calm.

This is such a tough time when you first start reaching out and learning about this disease. I was so tired and run down from it all when I started. My life was consumed with it at first. This will pass. You will start to sort through your feelings and start finding more answers to eat through your confusion. Be patient, the answers are coming.

There's a thread on here about taking things one day at a time. That will be a good one to read when you're ready.

I think the weekend will feel a lot better after you've been to a meeting and had some time to think.

Take care,
Alice

Can I have permission from ya'll to print out your posts and stick them around my house and work? Some of this is really deep and I need to think on it....and some of this is so simple I have overlooked it. I am a visual person and having them on my mirrors or refrig, or even the bottom of my computer screen would be great reminders.