I need the house to sell yesterday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I need the house to sell yesterday
OK, he's gone but his presence is lingering. I filed for divorce 6 weeks ago and there is a temporary order that his debt is his from that point on. However, I have discovered in the last 6 weeks that he was not paying MOST of the bills. Every day I get a new bill that has not been paid for 3 months--so I have to pay it. He was not paying the preschool.
We are selling the house and it needs to sell before I can buy another one. I found the house of my dreams for me and the kids--I walked in and immediately felt at peace. I looked at about 15 houses and when I saw this one online I just kept going back to it. It really is perfect.
Today my car started to die and needs over $1000 in repairs.
I am trying like heck to give this over to my HP. So far I have been able to pay off everything he owed. The car made me want to cry. Hopefully no more bills will come in.
I live in a 50-50 split state so he gets half-of course he is willing to take the money but is ignoring the debt. I have been busting my rear getting the house ready to sell (painting, stripping wallpaper, painting the outside of the house and a zillion other things). He has done zilch and today has the nerve to ask me to do his laundry! He does not live in the house but is allowed to be here from 9-5 M-F but strolls in any time he wants and totally upsets the calm balance in the house.
I feel like I will never get him out of my life until this house is sold and I have my own place. Then he cannot just stroll in. He has not paid a dime of the court ordered child support either. AAHHHHH.
Please send prayers, good vibes, good thoughts and anything this way that the house sells soon and me and my children can have a sane, safe, calm and happy life in our own house (and I can dump the car he bought for me and get something-not new--but that does not have his fingerprints on it).
We are selling the house and it needs to sell before I can buy another one. I found the house of my dreams for me and the kids--I walked in and immediately felt at peace. I looked at about 15 houses and when I saw this one online I just kept going back to it. It really is perfect.
Today my car started to die and needs over $1000 in repairs.
I am trying like heck to give this over to my HP. So far I have been able to pay off everything he owed. The car made me want to cry. Hopefully no more bills will come in.
I live in a 50-50 split state so he gets half-of course he is willing to take the money but is ignoring the debt. I have been busting my rear getting the house ready to sell (painting, stripping wallpaper, painting the outside of the house and a zillion other things). He has done zilch and today has the nerve to ask me to do his laundry! He does not live in the house but is allowed to be here from 9-5 M-F but strolls in any time he wants and totally upsets the calm balance in the house.
I feel like I will never get him out of my life until this house is sold and I have my own place. Then he cannot just stroll in. He has not paid a dime of the court ordered child support either. AAHHHHH.
Please send prayers, good vibes, good thoughts and anything this way that the house sells soon and me and my children can have a sane, safe, calm and happy life in our own house (and I can dump the car he bought for me and get something-not new--but that does not have his fingerprints on it).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
My prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie.... I remember the days and honestly.....
since that time I have made such better choices (not prefect) but better.... all because I had to hit my bottom.... you will be ok, just one day at a time.
since that time I have made such better choices (not prefect) but better.... all because I had to hit my bottom.... you will be ok, just one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
wife2kids-
surrendering to our HP means to let go and be open to whatever may happen...
whilst it is good to have a plan, oftentimes, god's plan is different than what we envisioned...
sorry about the financial pressure...many of us are in the same boat...
try to keep it in perspective...everyone is safe and sound...things are moving along (albeit perhaps too slowly for your liking)...
it sounds like you are going to be out of the woods soon...hang in there...just breath and take care of one thing at a time...
naive
surrendering to our HP means to let go and be open to whatever may happen...
whilst it is good to have a plan, oftentimes, god's plan is different than what we envisioned...
sorry about the financial pressure...many of us are in the same boat...
try to keep it in perspective...everyone is safe and sound...things are moving along (albeit perhaps too slowly for your liking)...
it sounds like you are going to be out of the woods soon...hang in there...just breath and take care of one thing at a time...
naive
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Wife, not to be too practical here but........I'd be on my phone to my lawyer right about now, explaining the situation and asking for a remedy. Take a deep breath and focus on the positive, sure, but......hit him where it hurts, too. He should not be allowed to walk on all of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
In my state 50-50 divorce includes debts as well as assets. I agree with GL to immediately call your lawyer.
I received some good advice when I was divorcing, and XH was behaving as yours. "Treat this as you would a business. If someone in the work world was behaving like AH how would the typical business respond?"
That hepled me remove the emotional involvement and my codependent tendencies such as "massive guilt" for being the "bad guy". Thinking like that helped me to make emotionally healthy and mature decisions.
I received some good advice when I was divorcing, and XH was behaving as yours. "Treat this as you would a business. If someone in the work world was behaving like AH how would the typical business respond?"
That hepled me remove the emotional involvement and my codependent tendencies such as "massive guilt" for being the "bad guy". Thinking like that helped me to make emotionally healthy and mature decisions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Chrysalis that is good advice.
I have put together a spreadsheet for the last 2 months of what I have had to pay and what he has contributed. He is supposed to be paying half of the preschool and afteschool care--along with the child support.
You are right--not that I considered it, but you don't have "informal agreements" when you work with a business. Can you imagine going into a store to buy a couch and asking them to just believe that you will send them the monthly payment.
We have court again on Monday because he wants to contest the child support. I say good timing. I will bring copies of all the bills I have paid, bank statements and my spreadsheet. It is about support so that should be relevant. Also, the fact that he is not doing what he was ordered to do a month ago may result in the judge putting forth a seek work order for AH.
I did call some of the credit card companies that he had my name on or were in both our names and either cancelled them (if I was allowed) or had my name taken off of them.
I took the list of things the dealership told me I needed to do to my car so I can drive it and took it to my friendly neighborhood garage and he said some of it needed to be done now--but not all and that I could drive the car around town until he can get me in on Tuesday.
One day at a time.
I have put together a spreadsheet for the last 2 months of what I have had to pay and what he has contributed. He is supposed to be paying half of the preschool and afteschool care--along with the child support.
You are right--not that I considered it, but you don't have "informal agreements" when you work with a business. Can you imagine going into a store to buy a couch and asking them to just believe that you will send them the monthly payment.
We have court again on Monday because he wants to contest the child support. I say good timing. I will bring copies of all the bills I have paid, bank statements and my spreadsheet. It is about support so that should be relevant. Also, the fact that he is not doing what he was ordered to do a month ago may result in the judge putting forth a seek work order for AH.
I did call some of the credit card companies that he had my name on or were in both our names and either cancelled them (if I was allowed) or had my name taken off of them.
I took the list of things the dealership told me I needed to do to my car so I can drive it and took it to my friendly neighborhood garage and he said some of it needed to be done now--but not all and that I could drive the car around town until he can get me in on Tuesday.
One day at a time.
sorryMember
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Wife, glad things are slowly coming together for you.
Friend of mine was in same boat. She found that her AH had not paid bills for nearly 4 months, actually had a credit card $8000 owed, with her name on it also, that she knew nothing about. She paid the bills, otherwise no power, and handed credit card details to her lawer. She got no child support for the whole 15 months till the divorce hearing, where AH was going for 50% custody and 50% assets.
She had it all down in black and white, every cent spent on pre separation bills, on kids expenses and amount owed in support. Also had info on his drinking expenses, from their joint account for 5 years prior to leaving, which showed he spent twice over on booze and women, to what she earned during that time. She worked to pay the mortgage.
Judgement was 50% of house to her, plus a further 15% for her payments off mortgage, and then Judge considered that 50% of his spending should have come off house.
Result was she got 90% of house sale price, plus awarded his outstanding support, and other expenses. And he did NOT get kids, given visitation rights but, of course didn't use them much...............
Hope you get thru all the tape and find a home where you are all happy and free.
God bless
Friend of mine was in same boat. She found that her AH had not paid bills for nearly 4 months, actually had a credit card $8000 owed, with her name on it also, that she knew nothing about. She paid the bills, otherwise no power, and handed credit card details to her lawer. She got no child support for the whole 15 months till the divorce hearing, where AH was going for 50% custody and 50% assets.
She had it all down in black and white, every cent spent on pre separation bills, on kids expenses and amount owed in support. Also had info on his drinking expenses, from their joint account for 5 years prior to leaving, which showed he spent twice over on booze and women, to what she earned during that time. She worked to pay the mortgage.
Judgement was 50% of house to her, plus a further 15% for her payments off mortgage, and then Judge considered that 50% of his spending should have come off house.
Result was she got 90% of house sale price, plus awarded his outstanding support, and other expenses. And he did NOT get kids, given visitation rights but, of course didn't use them much...............
Hope you get thru all the tape and find a home where you are all happy and free.
God bless
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Wife I am in a smaller but similar boat, today I was told some apartments I liked were already taken and I almost cried in my car 
sometimes it feels like A LOT of things have to happen to get something but I just keep imagining a safe and peaceful place for me and keep asking God/HP for it... I need to trust things will get easier... keep your enthusiasm and imagination alive... I picture myself with a huge space to do my drawings, play the piano and sing and do yoga... one moment at a time.. good luck!
sometimes it feels like A LOT of things have to happen to get something but I just keep imagining a safe and peaceful place for me and keep asking God/HP for it... I need to trust things will get easier... keep your enthusiasm and imagination alive... I picture myself with a huge space to do my drawings, play the piano and sing and do yoga... one moment at a time.. good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I looked at the house I liked again today and discovered it is not perfect--which was great because I am not looking for perfect. Nothing major is broken. I decided to put in an offer-if it is not the house I am suppose to have it will not fall together. If it is, it will.
STBXAH was all hinky today. Started in on the "it's not fair" roll. It worries me when he goes down that path because the "it's not fair" roll can turn into you are such a huge bit** and it is your fault my like sucks--and the screaming and violence starts. I guess that is why I feel the need for speed. I don't feel completely safe in this house. He has not actually done anything so I cannot file a restraining order.
He is being very abusive to older DS too-and older DS has talked to his therapist about it. Today he lost it because it was his dad's night to take him and he did not want to go and was angry with me for not keeping him safe. They were only gone 2 hours and when they got home were screaming at each other. STBXAH cannot disengage from older DS when he goes into rages and starts to say things that make STBXAH angry. Older DS does this on purpose. It is part of his attachment disorder and PTSD. Let's see how hard I can push to see if you really do love me and will stay--or will you bolt like all the other people in my life who were supposed to love me (for those who do not know—my kids are adopted—they were abandoned and neglected the first year of their life). Older DS has deep wounds and he is only a child. STBXAH is too self-absorbed to step up and hug him when he is raging. Yes, sometimes it is like hugging a cactus--but eventually the cactus accepts the love you are offering and the rage stops. Sorry, got off on a tangent. I guess my desire to get things moving is I want both kids in a place where they can say and do whatever they need to and know that it will not make the person they are with love them any less. This house I am putting the offer in on—it would be a haven for them and me. Call me weird—but it has a very healing feel to it. It is not just a house—it feels like home, and where we live now—it has never felt like home.
STBXAH was all hinky today. Started in on the "it's not fair" roll. It worries me when he goes down that path because the "it's not fair" roll can turn into you are such a huge bit** and it is your fault my like sucks--and the screaming and violence starts. I guess that is why I feel the need for speed. I don't feel completely safe in this house. He has not actually done anything so I cannot file a restraining order.
He is being very abusive to older DS too-and older DS has talked to his therapist about it. Today he lost it because it was his dad's night to take him and he did not want to go and was angry with me for not keeping him safe. They were only gone 2 hours and when they got home were screaming at each other. STBXAH cannot disengage from older DS when he goes into rages and starts to say things that make STBXAH angry. Older DS does this on purpose. It is part of his attachment disorder and PTSD. Let's see how hard I can push to see if you really do love me and will stay--or will you bolt like all the other people in my life who were supposed to love me (for those who do not know—my kids are adopted—they were abandoned and neglected the first year of their life). Older DS has deep wounds and he is only a child. STBXAH is too self-absorbed to step up and hug him when he is raging. Yes, sometimes it is like hugging a cactus--but eventually the cactus accepts the love you are offering and the rage stops. Sorry, got off on a tangent. I guess my desire to get things moving is I want both kids in a place where they can say and do whatever they need to and know that it will not make the person they are with love them any less. This house I am putting the offer in on—it would be a haven for them and me. Call me weird—but it has a very healing feel to it. It is not just a house—it feels like home, and where we live now—it has never felt like home.
hang in there!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Well this is NOT the house. My boss was volunteering at a shelter last night and talked to a city official who is part of a national organization for trout fishing. He told her I was thinking about buying the house and she told him to tell me to stay as far away from that house as I could. The stream floods on a regular basis, I could not fence the yard and it would be a huge safety hazard for my kids because the current is so strong some adults will not even go in the water to fish.
So, cross that one off the list. Too bad, I liked the house--but red flags were going up everywhere.
One day at a time.
So, cross that one off the list. Too bad, I liked the house--but red flags were going up everywhere.
One day at a time.
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