Heavy heart
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
May I say you handled that phone call beautifully?! 
Life is just plum full of very cool things. Here I am 10 years after hitting my codie bottom, and my life is so full. I wouldn't be where I am today had I not finally surrendered and let God guide my life.
:ghug2 :ghug2
Life is just plum full of very cool things. Here I am 10 years after hitting my codie bottom, and my life is so full. I wouldn't be where I am today had I not finally surrendered and let God guide my life.
:ghug2 :ghug2
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Wonderful news you had a good time today!
On that song I love "your destiny will keep you warm" its so true...
I agree its wonderful to have human contact that is NOT painful and to find healthier people, its no coincidence...
Keep moving forward, thanks for sharing your journey and enthusiasm, its contagious
On that song I love "your destiny will keep you warm" its so true...
I agree its wonderful to have human contact that is NOT painful and to find healthier people, its no coincidence...
Keep moving forward, thanks for sharing your journey and enthusiasm, its contagious
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh Cath, how good to handle his phone call as you did, and yes it is hard to let it go instead of trying to "make it better" for him. Now you know that is impossible to do.
He felt lonely, let down, no-one cared, and physically he was a mess.....so he rang you, at 2am, no doubt waking you from your sleep, looking for his gentle, soft landing pad, and it wasn't there for him anymore.
Well maybe he will get to feel the misery, discomfort and desperation that his drinking will cause, and want to do something about it at long last.
If not, then after it has happened a few more times, the message may eventually get thru to him.
Looking back, I am annoyed that I prolonged the agony by "saving" and protecting my ABF from some unpleasant consequences of his drunken sprees. How I wish I had taken a stand long ago, and saved myself a lot of unhappy years, and maybe him as well.
Stay strong for both your sakes, but mainly for yourself.
God bless
He felt lonely, let down, no-one cared, and physically he was a mess.....so he rang you, at 2am, no doubt waking you from your sleep, looking for his gentle, soft landing pad, and it wasn't there for him anymore.
Well maybe he will get to feel the misery, discomfort and desperation that his drinking will cause, and want to do something about it at long last.
If not, then after it has happened a few more times, the message may eventually get thru to him.
Looking back, I am annoyed that I prolonged the agony by "saving" and protecting my ABF from some unpleasant consequences of his drunken sprees. How I wish I had taken a stand long ago, and saved myself a lot of unhappy years, and maybe him as well.
Stay strong for both your sakes, but mainly for yourself.
God bless
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Tears. I miss the good things.
I will be okay. Just some depression and self-pity settling in. I hate going to bed and waking up by myself. TV dinners in front of the computer. Not looking forward to the upcoming holidays. Friends are great, but in the end they have their own families to be concerned with. Just ignore me, I'm venting.
I will be okay. Just some depression and self-pity settling in. I hate going to bed and waking up by myself. TV dinners in front of the computer. Not looking forward to the upcoming holidays. Friends are great, but in the end they have their own families to be concerned with. Just ignore me, I'm venting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Yes, I remember even before ending my marriage, that I felt empty going into my bedroom alone each night, with no more sharing of our day's events, or him to cuddle up to as I had for 25 years. By the time I left a few weeks later, I had grown used to it somewhat,and AH's insane behavior made it preferable to being with him.
I rather enjoy the freedom to read when ever I want, make a cup of tea if I want, to have my sort of tape playing me off to sleep, and no-one to complain if this is 10pm or 2am.
No beery stinking, thunderously snoring man beside me, or even in the same room.
BLISS.
Something mum told me to do was, make an effort to have healthy cooked meals each day, not take-aways or pre-packed stuff. Eating healthy can help against feeling real down, helps avoid colds etc which can really make you miserable, and preparing the meals also keeps you busy.
Holidays can be very lonely times, Cath, and family and friends may seem too busy to think of how you are doing. Perhaps there are things you have wanted to do and never did, and now you are free to enjoy them. Volunteering your help to charities and agencies would be welcomed by them and may give you lots back in return.
After all you have been thru recently it seems normal for you to be feeling as you do, and this is the time to work on ways to get what you need in place of caring for someone else.
Of course you have SR to come to and vent, knowing that the folk here are with you and understand what you are going thru, because so many have spent time in that same dark and lonely place.
God bless
I rather enjoy the freedom to read when ever I want, make a cup of tea if I want, to have my sort of tape playing me off to sleep, and no-one to complain if this is 10pm or 2am.
No beery stinking, thunderously snoring man beside me, or even in the same room.
BLISS.
Something mum told me to do was, make an effort to have healthy cooked meals each day, not take-aways or pre-packed stuff. Eating healthy can help against feeling real down, helps avoid colds etc which can really make you miserable, and preparing the meals also keeps you busy.
Holidays can be very lonely times, Cath, and family and friends may seem too busy to think of how you are doing. Perhaps there are things you have wanted to do and never did, and now you are free to enjoy them. Volunteering your help to charities and agencies would be welcomed by them and may give you lots back in return.
After all you have been thru recently it seems normal for you to be feeling as you do, and this is the time to work on ways to get what you need in place of caring for someone else.
Of course you have SR to come to and vent, knowing that the folk here are with you and understand what you are going thru, because so many have spent time in that same dark and lonely place.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 20
support
"Focusing on him is what I have done for the last 3 years, and I have lost everything as a result."
I totally understand those feelings. I'm starting to see how I've been doing that myself. Although I"m still married and living w/ my AH, I'm starting to realize that I need to let him go and focus on myself and my kids first.
I used to be a funny person, cracking jokes, laughing a lot. I miss that. Seems I'm usually too depressed and consumed with my chaotic household life to have REAL fun anymore.
Side note, The other day AH asked me what I was looking at while reading the boards here. I told him and he was automatically threatened. He actually asked if I was making him look bad or people were saying bad things about him! I told him people here didn't even know him. It was kind of amuzing to see him squirm a bit. That's typical for alcoholics to feel threatened if their co-dependent is showing signs of change or independence. Hope you all stay strong!
Squirt
I totally understand those feelings. I'm starting to see how I've been doing that myself. Although I"m still married and living w/ my AH, I'm starting to realize that I need to let him go and focus on myself and my kids first.
I used to be a funny person, cracking jokes, laughing a lot. I miss that. Seems I'm usually too depressed and consumed with my chaotic household life to have REAL fun anymore.
Side note, The other day AH asked me what I was looking at while reading the boards here. I told him and he was automatically threatened. He actually asked if I was making him look bad or people were saying bad things about him! I told him people here didn't even know him. It was kind of amuzing to see him squirm a bit. That's typical for alcoholics to feel threatened if their co-dependent is showing signs of change or independence. Hope you all stay strong!
Squirt
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by Lavash 
When my ex of 11 yrs left me for another woman who he was cheating on me with for a whole yr prior to leaving, then finding out she had hiv, he knew the whole time and slept with us both for a year, I was in my room one night about to end my life.
This Madonna song came on the radio and I stopped myself.
This song saved my life and I still listen to it all the time.
I've NEVER EVER told this story to anyone, til now!
This Madonna song came on the radio and I stopped myself.
This song saved my life and I still listen to it all the time.
I've NEVER EVER told this story to anyone, til now!
It's nice to finally release that inner dark place and not have to carry that by yourself anymore. Dealing with my unstable, dry drunk of a mother and realizing the damage she caused me and my sisters is something that I carried with me for years by myself. Getting back in touch with my sisters, and talking about how we had all thought about suicide at one point was such a release, and relief, to me. I wasn't alone in those thoughts and it felt wonderful to let it out and be free of that dark part of me.
I hope you feel relief in the release and admitting it. And I'm glad we're both still here...
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