I need your prayers and thoughts
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Barbara,
Sending my best to you and your mom right now. We experienced this with my mom-in-law late last year, and though it sounds strange, hospice truly was a wonderful experience for us. It gave us time to just BE there with her, no itineraries, no chores, no schedules, no plans, just sit with her and remember the good and thank God for the years together we were blessed with. (If you were closer to North Carolina I could recommend a wonderful place) It was an opportunity I will be always be grateful for.
Here's hoping that the right place comes to you soon, so that this time won't be so trying for you and your brothers.
Sending my best to you and your mom right now. We experienced this with my mom-in-law late last year, and though it sounds strange, hospice truly was a wonderful experience for us. It gave us time to just BE there with her, no itineraries, no chores, no schedules, no plans, just sit with her and remember the good and thank God for the years together we were blessed with. (If you were closer to North Carolina I could recommend a wonderful place) It was an opportunity I will be always be grateful for.
Here's hoping that the right place comes to you soon, so that this time won't be so trying for you and your brothers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
You and your family have my love and prayers.
My XAH died recently, but had been in hospital 8 times in the last 2 years and was on antibiotics, and other meds which eventually did the job and back to his bedridden existence in the nursing home he went. All he and the family wanted was for him to go quietly and quickly, but that didn't happen.
Your decision to cease antibiotics and let her life follow it's natural course is the correct one in my view, and was done with love and caring in mind.
I hope she comes to a peaceful end very soon, for everyones sake.
God bless
My XAH died recently, but had been in hospital 8 times in the last 2 years and was on antibiotics, and other meds which eventually did the job and back to his bedridden existence in the nursing home he went. All he and the family wanted was for him to go quietly and quickly, but that didn't happen.
Your decision to cease antibiotics and let her life follow it's natural course is the correct one in my view, and was done with love and caring in mind.
I hope she comes to a peaceful end very soon, for everyones sake.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
Your decision to cease antibiotics and let her life follow it's natural course is the correct one in my view, and was done with love and caring in mind.
I have only seen pictures since I am near DC and Mom is in Cleveland but it looks like a lovely place and I am very impressed with the staff I have talked to.
Of course, being the political junkies that we all are, my brothers and I decided we are acting as Mom's "death panel." lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I have a Medical Directive in my hospital file, at my doctor,s and with my family, which says that in that situation no action or extra-ordinary measures to prolong my life are to be taken. Having seen my daughters go thru this with their father I have done this to see they do not go thru it with me. My Mass today is offered for you and your family.
God bless
God bless
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Merced, CA
Posts: 77
Hello Barbara:
My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Those of us who have attended a dying parent know just how difficult and heart-rending the experience can be.
You asked for advice regarding the use of anti-biotics for your mother. You are probably unaware of this, but if you re-read your post, you will find that your next comment states the truth of the matter, which is that you don't want to prolong her death. And that is what you'd be doing. So many times, well meaning, loving children wind up attempting to prolong their parent's life, when in fact all they are doing is prolonging their DEATH.
You intuitively sense that this would be wrong. In fact, your mother has in essence indicated what she wants. She has given permission for you to let her go and you need to listen to what she is communicating to you, which is that she WANTS to go.
You want your mom to have a good death, and there really IS such a thing. Having been in your shoes, I would just urge you to make sure you tell her you love her, let her know that she has your permission to go, and that you'll be okay.
Having these final conversations with one's parent is heart-wrenching, but you can make the experience a peaceful, positive transition for her.
All the best to you and your family,
Electa
My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Those of us who have attended a dying parent know just how difficult and heart-rending the experience can be.
You asked for advice regarding the use of anti-biotics for your mother. You are probably unaware of this, but if you re-read your post, you will find that your next comment states the truth of the matter, which is that you don't want to prolong her death. And that is what you'd be doing. So many times, well meaning, loving children wind up attempting to prolong their parent's life, when in fact all they are doing is prolonging their DEATH.
You intuitively sense that this would be wrong. In fact, your mother has in essence indicated what she wants. She has given permission for you to let her go and you need to listen to what she is communicating to you, which is that she WANTS to go.
You want your mom to have a good death, and there really IS such a thing. Having been in your shoes, I would just urge you to make sure you tell her you love her, let her know that she has your permission to go, and that you'll be okay.
Having these final conversations with one's parent is heart-wrenching, but you can make the experience a peaceful, positive transition for her.
All the best to you and your family,
Electa
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: California
Posts: 51
I too am so sorry to hear of your sorrow. My mom is an alcoholic too (she is in her 70's now and started later in life) and I am afraid something like this will happen to her. It's difficult to know how to feel. I'm glad to hear that you are leaning on God for strength and comfort. He is the best one for that! No one else will love you more or get you through. Prayers and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey Barb--
You're in my prayers and thoughts...
Went through this with my father - hospice was wonderful, he had a good death.
There was a poem they gave us in a little pamphlet that sustained me throughout that time, and helped me to let go. It seemed there were so many little "letting-gos" before the big one...
(((((hugs))))) to you and your family...
peace,
B.
GONE FROM MY SIGHT
I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
And that is dying...
Henry Van Dyke
You're in my prayers and thoughts...
Went through this with my father - hospice was wonderful, he had a good death.
There was a poem they gave us in a little pamphlet that sustained me throughout that time, and helped me to let go. It seemed there were so many little "letting-gos" before the big one...
(((((hugs))))) to you and your family...
peace,
B.
GONE FROM MY SIGHT
I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
And that is dying...
Henry Van Dyke
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