Got the Money for the Lawyer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Got the Money for the Lawyer
I have finally acquired the money I needed for the attorney I wanted. I will pay half and borrow the rest from my mother. I will see the attorney tomorrow.
I am at peace with the divorce and know in my heart that I did everything possible to save the marriage, but it isn't really a marriage if only one person is working on it is it? I understand now how sick he is in his mind, body, and soul. I know that only God can help my STXAH, but that is only if my STXAH is willing to listen to God. I did pray for my STXAH's sobriety for a long time, but came to realize that God has been trying to show my STXAH the way he needs to go, but my STXAH will not listen. We all have free will (I believe) and God will not force himself onto someone that is not willing to listen to Him. I tried to make my STXAH "happy" for all those years, when really, it was his job, not mine, and he needed to find his own way. Besides, happiness is fleeting, I believe what people are seeking is serenity and peace with God, not some hearts and flowers kind of happiness but a deep feeling in the soul.
I see the lawyer tomorrow and have to address my STXAH's decision to suddenly file for bankruptcy. I wonder if you have to show the bankruptcy lawyer what you spent all of your money on (he spent more then $10,000 in bar bills last year).
We seem to be getting along better now that we are not living together, but I do not trust him at all. Never will. He seems to want the divorce as much as I do as he has totally emersed himself into the partying lifestyle which includes booze and more women.
I can see the downward spiral is going faster for STXAH. I only see him once a week (when he takes son to practice) and glad about that. We just talk about the kids and that is fine with me. I am eager to get on with the divorce as I realize that on his present path he will end up in some kind of trouble again as he does drive drunk at times and does get into bar fights sometimes too.
It may sound unkind, but if he does have another drunk accident after the divorce, I will not nurse him back to health again, or take him to court, or the lawyer, or bail him out of jail, etc. I have told him that. I'm done. He needs to live with the consequences that that type of "lifestyle" brings. The "lifestyle" he picked over his family. He or anyone else can call me a heartless bi$ch, but so what??? I'm taking care of me and my kids and not sacrificing any more time or energy catering to someone who lets the bottle, not God rule his life.
I am at peace with the divorce and know in my heart that I did everything possible to save the marriage, but it isn't really a marriage if only one person is working on it is it? I understand now how sick he is in his mind, body, and soul. I know that only God can help my STXAH, but that is only if my STXAH is willing to listen to God. I did pray for my STXAH's sobriety for a long time, but came to realize that God has been trying to show my STXAH the way he needs to go, but my STXAH will not listen. We all have free will (I believe) and God will not force himself onto someone that is not willing to listen to Him. I tried to make my STXAH "happy" for all those years, when really, it was his job, not mine, and he needed to find his own way. Besides, happiness is fleeting, I believe what people are seeking is serenity and peace with God, not some hearts and flowers kind of happiness but a deep feeling in the soul.
I see the lawyer tomorrow and have to address my STXAH's decision to suddenly file for bankruptcy. I wonder if you have to show the bankruptcy lawyer what you spent all of your money on (he spent more then $10,000 in bar bills last year).
We seem to be getting along better now that we are not living together, but I do not trust him at all. Never will. He seems to want the divorce as much as I do as he has totally emersed himself into the partying lifestyle which includes booze and more women.
I can see the downward spiral is going faster for STXAH. I only see him once a week (when he takes son to practice) and glad about that. We just talk about the kids and that is fine with me. I am eager to get on with the divorce as I realize that on his present path he will end up in some kind of trouble again as he does drive drunk at times and does get into bar fights sometimes too.
It may sound unkind, but if he does have another drunk accident after the divorce, I will not nurse him back to health again, or take him to court, or the lawyer, or bail him out of jail, etc. I have told him that. I'm done. He needs to live with the consequences that that type of "lifestyle" brings. The "lifestyle" he picked over his family. He or anyone else can call me a heartless bi$ch, but so what??? I'm taking care of me and my kids and not sacrificing any more time or energy catering to someone who lets the bottle, not God rule his life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
I am glad you are able to move forward.
Two things in your post triggered questions in me. You mentioned that he picks up your son from practice, but also that he has had drunk driving accidents, and that you think he is actively drinking. Is this a concern for you?
Good luck with everything.
Two things in your post triggered questions in me. You mentioned that he picks up your son from practice, but also that he has had drunk driving accidents, and that you think he is actively drinking. Is this a concern for you?
Good luck with everything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
No, as my STXAH comes directly from work and I talk to him before he takes our son and I can tell when he's been drinking (smell, eyes, etc). We have an agreement arranged when we went to marriage counseling. He is not to be near me or our sons if he has been drinking. He has stuck to that and if he does not he will not take our son to practice - period.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Marshall, TX
Posts: 84
Keep moving forward. It's hard to make this type of decision, especially when there's kids involved.
As hard as it may be on your kids in some ways, I like to tell people in your situation that I was from an alcoholic home and I can remember (at about age 10) going to my room to get away from the chaos. I would actually pray that my parents would divorce. They never did, but I think I would have had a much healthier adult life if they had.
As long as there's active addiction in a home it's a bad environment for kids.
Good luck!
As hard as it may be on your kids in some ways, I like to tell people in your situation that I was from an alcoholic home and I can remember (at about age 10) going to my room to get away from the chaos. I would actually pray that my parents would divorce. They never did, but I think I would have had a much healthier adult life if they had.
As long as there's active addiction in a home it's a bad environment for kids.
Good luck!
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