thought i was better.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Queenie you were kicked out, i kicked myself out of the "home" after being emotionally kicked out for a while, sandra's ex walked away
In the 3 instances i say HP/GOD protected us from much future harm, our ex's will be the ones pushing "loved ones" around, having their children abandoned, choking their spouses, stalking, going to jail etc. etc. if they keep active... why would we lovely ladies need anything like that in our lives?
We were lucky to learn this with less stuff at stake and no harm done to children......... that would be unbearable to me, to harm a 3rd party with my sucky partner decisions... at least right now it is me, not much money lost, i am still healthy and complete, i can regain sanity, i say im good and can be grateful i got away from an addict almost unscathed.
:ghug3
In the 3 instances i say HP/GOD protected us from much future harm, our ex's will be the ones pushing "loved ones" around, having their children abandoned, choking their spouses, stalking, going to jail etc. etc. if they keep active... why would we lovely ladies need anything like that in our lives?
We were lucky to learn this with less stuff at stake and no harm done to children......... that would be unbearable to me, to harm a 3rd party with my sucky partner decisions... at least right now it is me, not much money lost, i am still healthy and complete, i can regain sanity, i say im good and can be grateful i got away from an addict almost unscathed.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
He couldn't kick me out of the house-it was MY house lol
Yeah, and I destroyed MY painting. It was a cheap one, but it was my property nonetheless...
That was a lesson to me. What prompted it was his refusal to keep a promise to me (yet again), and his circular justifications for why he shouldn't be keeping that promise...of course, that is justification for getting angry when someone doesn't keep their promises, right? But..isn't that also justification for just, walking away from the relationship? If you know someone can't keep their promise, why are you with them?
Why try to use anger to mold them and bend them and make them what you want them to be? It never works!!! All it does is leave you frustrated and regretful over the stupid stuff you did, and the other person thinking "she's crazy"! Right?
That's codependency, isn't it?
Yeah, and I destroyed MY painting. It was a cheap one, but it was my property nonetheless...
That was a lesson to me. What prompted it was his refusal to keep a promise to me (yet again), and his circular justifications for why he shouldn't be keeping that promise...of course, that is justification for getting angry when someone doesn't keep their promises, right? But..isn't that also justification for just, walking away from the relationship? If you know someone can't keep their promise, why are you with them?
Why try to use anger to mold them and bend them and make them what you want them to be? It never works!!! All it does is leave you frustrated and regretful over the stupid stuff you did, and the other person thinking "she's crazy"! Right?
That's codependency, isn't it?
Originally Posted by queenie88 
oh man sandrawg, i second that!!! i just couldn't believe how i just exploded...i've never been that angry before. it's taken me a long time to admit this act to others and to accept it for myself. i was just so ashamed and embarrassed.
but when i finally did, i was really surprised that the majority of reactions were "cmon, that's not that bad, relationships have suffered worse transgressions and have survived, you're not a terrible person." took me a while to actually believe them instead of thinking "oh they have to tell me that they're my friends/family."
and while i do take responsibility for the unhealthy things i did in that relationship, i don't think behavior like that just exists in a vacuum. i was obviously reacting unhealthily to his unhealthy behavior, but xabf chooses to see everything as being all my fault. i was just so ungrateful and immature and selfish and an angry person! i was horrible!
at least all your xabf did was walk away...mine kicked me out of his house!!!!
but when i finally did, i was really surprised that the majority of reactions were "cmon, that's not that bad, relationships have suffered worse transgressions and have survived, you're not a terrible person." took me a while to actually believe them instead of thinking "oh they have to tell me that they're my friends/family."
and while i do take responsibility for the unhealthy things i did in that relationship, i don't think behavior like that just exists in a vacuum. i was obviously reacting unhealthily to his unhealthy behavior, but xabf chooses to see everything as being all my fault. i was just so ungrateful and immature and selfish and an angry person! i was horrible!
at least all your xabf did was walk away...mine kicked me out of his house!!!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
if only i'd had this realization before i had my blow up and accidentally broke his tv!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Look on the bright side Queenie, you ARE better than you were only a short while ago. OK so you felt upset and sad hearing his voicemail message aboutthe wedding, but you DO realise what happened and are working on it.
The only way not to get hung up by him on VM, phone calls, txts or FB, is to not listen, answer, read or get on to any of those. Block him from your phone and quit anything to do with him on FB or anywhere else.
Imagine he is a poisonous and toxic dust trying to get into your home: you would shut all the doors and windows, block any holes to keep that dust out, right?
Well he is TOXIC and POISONOUS for you, so shut him out of your life and mind, in every way possible and stay alert to KEEP HIM OUT.
As for losing your temper, lol, I was a good thrower and a couple of times my ABF left in a hurry with crockery whizzing past his head. No, I do not regret doing that, because at least he got the message that he had P*ssed me off bigtime.
Keep strong Queenie, it will get better and so will you.
God bless
The only way not to get hung up by him on VM, phone calls, txts or FB, is to not listen, answer, read or get on to any of those. Block him from your phone and quit anything to do with him on FB or anywhere else.
Imagine he is a poisonous and toxic dust trying to get into your home: you would shut all the doors and windows, block any holes to keep that dust out, right?
Well he is TOXIC and POISONOUS for you, so shut him out of your life and mind, in every way possible and stay alert to KEEP HIM OUT.
As for losing your temper, lol, I was a good thrower and a couple of times my ABF left in a hurry with crockery whizzing past his head. No, I do not regret doing that, because at least he got the message that he had P*ssed me off bigtime.
Keep strong Queenie, it will get better and so will you.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
Look on the bright side Queenie, you ARE better than you were only a short while ago. OK so you felt upset and sad hearing his voicemail message aboutthe wedding, but you DO realise what happened and are working on it.
The only way not to get hung up by him on VM, phone calls, txts or FB, is to not listen, answer, read or get on to any of those. Block him from your phone and quit anything to do with him on FB or anywhere else.
Imagine he is a poisonous and toxic dust trying to get into your home: you would shut all the doors and windows, block any holes to keep that dust out, right?
Well he is TOXIC and POISONOUS for you, so shut him out of your life and mind, in every way possible and stay alert to KEEP HIM OUT.
As for losing your temper, lol, I was a good thrower and a couple of times my ABF left in a hurry with crockery whizzing past his head. No, I do not regret doing that, because at least he got the message that he had P*ssed me off bigtime.
Keep strong Queenie, it will get better and so will you.
God bless
The only way not to get hung up by him on VM, phone calls, txts or FB, is to not listen, answer, read or get on to any of those. Block him from your phone and quit anything to do with him on FB or anywhere else.
Imagine he is a poisonous and toxic dust trying to get into your home: you would shut all the doors and windows, block any holes to keep that dust out, right?
Well he is TOXIC and POISONOUS for you, so shut him out of your life and mind, in every way possible and stay alert to KEEP HIM OUT.
As for losing your temper, lol, I was a good thrower and a couple of times my ABF left in a hurry with crockery whizzing past his head. No, I do not regret doing that, because at least he got the message that he had P*ssed me off bigtime.
Keep strong Queenie, it will get better and so will you.
God bless
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
It worked like magic, didn't it queenie? choosing something you did he knew you felt guilty about, and make you feel 100% responsible for why things did not work out.
That way he does not have to see his addiction to alcohol and weed, or own any of the 50% he owns.
If you hadn't thrown the remote control to the TV (I think that was it) he would have find any other trait, phrase or action from YOUR part... and that would have been used as an excuse.
I was told I was getting fat and did not keep my stuff "as clean". :wtf2
And it worked like magic too. A year later I see his comments for what they are, BS and denial.
It is OBVIOUS he was the one who hurt, lied and abused trust. My trousers have nothing to do with that LOL.
Your ex is an addict. Can you say it out loud? "______ is an addict"? He is in denial - for all we know. And from what you say he does not seem to have learned much from this last experience with you. Ok. His life.
When will YOU get out of denial? he is an addict queenie, he will use anything to distract you and others. Ignoring the elephant in the room is what addicts do, but you are no addict... you CAN see the elephant!! it HELPS you to see the elephant... to own YOUR 50% then leave it to rest.
Play all the tape through... play it as an outsider... and play it again.
That way he does not have to see his addiction to alcohol and weed, or own any of the 50% he owns.
If you hadn't thrown the remote control to the TV (I think that was it) he would have find any other trait, phrase or action from YOUR part... and that would have been used as an excuse.
I was told I was getting fat and did not keep my stuff "as clean". :wtf2
And it worked like magic too. A year later I see his comments for what they are, BS and denial.
It is OBVIOUS he was the one who hurt, lied and abused trust. My trousers have nothing to do with that LOL.
Your ex is an addict. Can you say it out loud? "______ is an addict"? He is in denial - for all we know. And from what you say he does not seem to have learned much from this last experience with you. Ok. His life.
When will YOU get out of denial? he is an addict queenie, he will use anything to distract you and others. Ignoring the elephant in the room is what addicts do, but you are no addict... you CAN see the elephant!! it HELPS you to see the elephant... to own YOUR 50% then leave it to rest.
Play all the tape through... play it as an outsider... and play it again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
(((why, oh why, then, did he hang me out to dry as if i had done the most heinous things to him?? is that really worth ending a relationship over?))) Quote from Queenie.
He is an ALCOHOLIC and CONTROLLER!!! Mind you he has no control over his drinking, his actions or his addled brain, but seeks to keep those who can help him under the thumb.
You showed him that you had enough of his stupid behavior and I guess it scared him to find you weren't the obedient servant he thought you were.
They say hell hath no fury like a scorned woman. WRONG.
Hell hath no fury like an addict fearing the loss of his supply or enabler.
As for him hanging you out to dry, well that is par for the addiction course.
Do you really need answers (lies), or validation from a self obsessed sicko?
Frankly I think he did you the only good favour he could give you, FREEDOM from him.
Take it and RUN, as fast and as far as you can out of his sight and sound.
Stop listening to his rambling and quacking, because while you still hear him in your ears, mind and heart, you won't be able to hear your own quiet voice telling you the truth.
Cut out his noise and listen to your HP, and your inner voice.
God bless
He is an ALCOHOLIC and CONTROLLER!!! Mind you he has no control over his drinking, his actions or his addled brain, but seeks to keep those who can help him under the thumb.
You showed him that you had enough of his stupid behavior and I guess it scared him to find you weren't the obedient servant he thought you were.
They say hell hath no fury like a scorned woman. WRONG.
Hell hath no fury like an addict fearing the loss of his supply or enabler.
As for him hanging you out to dry, well that is par for the addiction course.
Do you really need answers (lies), or validation from a self obsessed sicko?
Frankly I think he did you the only good favour he could give you, FREEDOM from him.
Take it and RUN, as fast and as far as you can out of his sight and sound.
Stop listening to his rambling and quacking, because while you still hear him in your ears, mind and heart, you won't be able to hear your own quiet voice telling you the truth.
Cut out his noise and listen to your HP, and your inner voice.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
It worked like magic, didn't it queenie? choosing something you did he knew you felt guilty about, and make you feel 100% responsible for why things did not work out.
That way he does not have to see his addiction to alcohol and weed, or own any of the 50% he owns.
If you hadn't thrown the remote control to the TV (I think that was it) he would have find any other trait, phrase or action from YOUR part... and that would have been used as an excuse.
I was told I was getting fat and did not keep my stuff "as clean".
And it worked like magic too. A year later I see his comments for what they are, BS and denial.
It is OBVIOUS he was the one who hurt, lied and abused trust. My trousers have nothing to do with that LOL.
Your ex is an addict. Can you say it out loud? "______ is an addict"? He is in denial - for all we know. And from what you say he does not seem to have learned much from this last experience with you. Ok. His life.
When will YOU get out of denial? he is an addict queenie, he will use anything to distract you and others. Ignoring the elephant in the room is what addicts do, but you are no addict... you CAN see the elephant!! it HELPS you to see the elephant... to own YOUR 50% then leave it to rest.
Play all the tape through... play it as an outsider... and play it again.
That way he does not have to see his addiction to alcohol and weed, or own any of the 50% he owns.
If you hadn't thrown the remote control to the TV (I think that was it) he would have find any other trait, phrase or action from YOUR part... and that would have been used as an excuse.
I was told I was getting fat and did not keep my stuff "as clean".
And it worked like magic too. A year later I see his comments for what they are, BS and denial.
It is OBVIOUS he was the one who hurt, lied and abused trust. My trousers have nothing to do with that LOL.
Your ex is an addict. Can you say it out loud? "______ is an addict"? He is in denial - for all we know. And from what you say he does not seem to have learned much from this last experience with you. Ok. His life.
When will YOU get out of denial? he is an addict queenie, he will use anything to distract you and others. Ignoring the elephant in the room is what addicts do, but you are no addict... you CAN see the elephant!! it HELPS you to see the elephant... to own YOUR 50% then leave it to rest.
Play all the tape through... play it as an outsider... and play it again.
I’ve think I’ve owned my 50%. There was a time when I tried to own the full 100%. Then xabf came back from mexico, I owned up to my mistakes but told him there’s no way that all the problems in a relationship can be blamed on one person. His response: “It’s interesting that you’re taking the offensive after you’ve had all this time to think about it.”
So I guess to him, me refusing to take 100% of the blame is going on the offensive???
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
(((why, oh why, then, did he hang me out to dry as if i had done the most heinous things to him?? is that really worth ending a relationship over?))) Quote from Queenie.
He is an ALCOHOLIC and CONTROLLER!!! Mind you he has no control over his drinking, his actions or his addled brain, but seeks to keep those who can help him under the thumb.
You showed him that you had enough of his stupid behavior and I guess it scared him to find you weren't the obedient servant he thought you were.
They say hell hath no fury like a scorned woman. WRONG.
Hell hath no fury like an addict fearing the loss of his supply or enabler.
As for him hanging you out to dry, well that is par for the addiction course.
Do you really need answers (lies), or validation from a self obsessed sicko?
Frankly I think he did you the only good favour he could give you, FREEDOM from him.
Take it and RUN, as fast and as far as you can out of his sight and sound.
Stop listening to his rambling and quacking, because while you still hear him in your ears, mind and heart, you won't be able to hear your own quiet voice telling you the truth.
Cut out his noise and listen to your HP, and your inner voice.
God bless
He is an ALCOHOLIC and CONTROLLER!!! Mind you he has no control over his drinking, his actions or his addled brain, but seeks to keep those who can help him under the thumb.
You showed him that you had enough of his stupid behavior and I guess it scared him to find you weren't the obedient servant he thought you were.
They say hell hath no fury like a scorned woman. WRONG.
Hell hath no fury like an addict fearing the loss of his supply or enabler.
As for him hanging you out to dry, well that is par for the addiction course.
Do you really need answers (lies), or validation from a self obsessed sicko?
Frankly I think he did you the only good favour he could give you, FREEDOM from him.
Take it and RUN, as fast and as far as you can out of his sight and sound.
Stop listening to his rambling and quacking, because while you still hear him in your ears, mind and heart, you won't be able to hear your own quiet voice telling you the truth.
Cut out his noise and listen to your HP, and your inner voice.
God bless
Well he lost his enabler, his supply is protected though. I guess I know where his priorities lie.
Originally Posted by anvilhead
was it really a RELATIONSHIP.....or more of a hostage situation?
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by queenie88
Well anvilhead, I thought it was a relationship. I even told him that he loved me more than anyone else ever had. I guess I just wanted that to be true, I just wanted something REAL so much that I was willing to believe anything. I wonder if I was just fooling myself this entire time?
Imagine to yourself you are in a healthly relationship with someone who really does love you. What are the kinds of things you would do together? How would you handle disagreements? How would he treat you? What kinds of things would he say to you if you had an issue to work through?
Is that what you have experienced with this man?
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