Stand your Ground SO2!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Thank you all for the wrist slaps. I did deserve them. Unfortunately there is only one way into where I live and one way out, we were close to exah's. Maybe part of me wanted to check and maybe it was supposed to happen. Always does. When I start to weaken...something like this happens to slap me back to reality.
You are right Harley...she did get my drunk. She did get the pain. I saw the awful things he said to her and know what its like to want to believe him.
I am so much better off.
You are right Harley...she did get my drunk. She did get the pain. I saw the awful things he said to her and know what its like to want to believe him.
I am so much better off.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
Just look at is as a lesson learned. Sometimes we have to go through the lesson 100 times before we get it, and we have to stop beating ourselves up over it. The worst part of all of this nine years....I have so much self-hate for being so weak and buying into the garbage everytime. I'm trying something different this time. I blocked his phone number (9 days now!), and I'm going to Al-anon. Also reading their book and literature. I just know that somehow, in time, I am going to get better and not do this insane behavior (all in the name of love!) anymore. Best to you sweetie!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
So some other woman is involved with the man you had so much pain and trouble with?
Feel sorry for her: she will cop the same c**p, the same chaos, pain and suffering you got, and finally wanted out of.
Cut his doings out of your life, and out of your mind completely, because unless you do this, you are still actively part of his miserable addiction and chaotic existence.
Concentrate on yourself and mothering your child and giving yourself the best you can.
God bless
Feel sorry for her: she will cop the same c**p, the same chaos, pain and suffering you got, and finally wanted out of.
Cut his doings out of your life, and out of your mind completely, because unless you do this, you are still actively part of his miserable addiction and chaotic existence.
Concentrate on yourself and mothering your child and giving yourself the best you can.
God bless
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi StartingOver,
Sorry you're going through this. I'm going through the same exact thing with XA+ABF. He's been gone since late January, started a "relationship" with another sick, drunk person, and now is trying to "get back" with me because she "dumped" him. He is doing what he has done his entire life: Start a relationship with one woman, while there is another woman waiting for him back home. Trying to maintain both relationships in case one or the other one doesn't work out. It's classic drunk behavior.
In fact, I am truly impressed that he texted the girlfriend to break up with her. My experience is that they leave you and start the new relationship without even telling you.
It helps when I remind myself that I do not function well, and am not healthy in, a relationship with a drunk crack-head.
It helps when I remind myself how much chaos and sickness he brought into my life.
It helps when I remind myself how I had no peace or serenity while he was in my life.
It helps when I remind myself how every day I was sick to my stomach, scared out of my mind, hysterical and panicking because I KNEW what even the smallest little action/behavior of his meant.
I hope that soon you realize these kinds of things for yourself and go no-contact. I know what he is saying about his family tugs at your heartstrings and brings you hope, but he is just keeping his options open and his foot in your door, bringing you continuous trouble.
Hang tough. Maybe you could move away from this neighborhood.
L2L
Sorry you're going through this. I'm going through the same exact thing with XA+ABF. He's been gone since late January, started a "relationship" with another sick, drunk person, and now is trying to "get back" with me because she "dumped" him. He is doing what he has done his entire life: Start a relationship with one woman, while there is another woman waiting for him back home. Trying to maintain both relationships in case one or the other one doesn't work out. It's classic drunk behavior.
In fact, I am truly impressed that he texted the girlfriend to break up with her. My experience is that they leave you and start the new relationship without even telling you.
It helps when I remind myself that I do not function well, and am not healthy in, a relationship with a drunk crack-head.
It helps when I remind myself how much chaos and sickness he brought into my life.
It helps when I remind myself how I had no peace or serenity while he was in my life.
It helps when I remind myself how every day I was sick to my stomach, scared out of my mind, hysterical and panicking because I KNEW what even the smallest little action/behavior of his meant.
I hope that soon you realize these kinds of things for yourself and go no-contact. I know what he is saying about his family tugs at your heartstrings and brings you hope, but he is just keeping his options open and his foot in your door, bringing you continuous trouble.
Hang tough. Maybe you could move away from this neighborhood.
L2L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I completely agree with all of this. Why in the heck would I ever even entertain the thought of taking him back....unchanged as well? I was completely miserable when he was here. Yes, I loved him but the drinking and the other woman was horrible. I was pregnant and thru the beginning months of her life! What kind of man does that? A horrible one!
I was journaling last night about the weekend and I wrote about this trigger. When exah lived here I was always taking a visual location of his phone and where he set it. When he would turn his back long enough, pass out, take a shower, etc. I would sneak a peek to see who he was texting. I was completely obscessed! The other night I spotted his phone again and those old feelings came back...can I look? I wonder what he says to her? YUCK! OMG.
As much as he is a pile of doo doo, I am so disappointed in myself. Am I that lonely? Am I that desperate? Am I that pathetic? I guess the answer to all of those questions is yes. I have never been lonlier in my life! I have my wonderful baby 24/7 and wouldn't change a thing, but I don't have much else. Something I need to work on. Maybe if I had felt better about myself and my own situation I wouldn't have been so vunerable.
I did look at the positive about my relapse. It gave me new information and knowledge that the drinking is still very much a part of his life and I documented that.
I was journaling last night about the weekend and I wrote about this trigger. When exah lived here I was always taking a visual location of his phone and where he set it. When he would turn his back long enough, pass out, take a shower, etc. I would sneak a peek to see who he was texting. I was completely obscessed! The other night I spotted his phone again and those old feelings came back...can I look? I wonder what he says to her? YUCK! OMG.
As much as he is a pile of doo doo, I am so disappointed in myself. Am I that lonely? Am I that desperate? Am I that pathetic? I guess the answer to all of those questions is yes. I have never been lonlier in my life! I have my wonderful baby 24/7 and wouldn't change a thing, but I don't have much else. Something I need to work on. Maybe if I had felt better about myself and my own situation I wouldn't have been so vunerable.
I did look at the positive about my relapse. It gave me new information and knowledge that the drinking is still very much a part of his life and I documented that.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hey again SO2.
I don't think you're desperate or pathetic. I think you made a decision to get married and have a baby because you thought that was what you wanted. The truth of the matter is, being in a relationship like marriage is very difficult in the first place. If you pair up with someone whose interests are different than yours, or their schedule, or where they like to vacation, even those kinds of things it is so difficult!
Add to all those normal, everyday things, a partner who is too afraid to look at himself and want a better life for himself; who chooses to numb himself with substances, not feel, and who chooses to break his marriage vows, and you have one, big chaotic MESS.
You didn't get what you wanted. That's all. I have yet to meet a woman who has gotten what they wanted out of their marriage. Stop beating yourself up for something that is really out of your control and look for what you would like for yourself, somewhere else. You are worth so much more than this sickness he is bringing into your life.
I don't think you're desperate or pathetic. I think you made a decision to get married and have a baby because you thought that was what you wanted. The truth of the matter is, being in a relationship like marriage is very difficult in the first place. If you pair up with someone whose interests are different than yours, or their schedule, or where they like to vacation, even those kinds of things it is so difficult!
Add to all those normal, everyday things, a partner who is too afraid to look at himself and want a better life for himself; who chooses to numb himself with substances, not feel, and who chooses to break his marriage vows, and you have one, big chaotic MESS.
You didn't get what you wanted. That's all. I have yet to meet a woman who has gotten what they wanted out of their marriage. Stop beating yourself up for something that is really out of your control and look for what you would like for yourself, somewhere else. You are worth so much more than this sickness he is bringing into your life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
I relate to the phone thing sooo well!! Mine went into the shower (few weeks back) and I just got back from work, and he must have realized he left the phone on the kitchen table. Of course, I saw it there, and he came back out of the bathroom, did a few things in the kitchen, then dropped the shirt in his hand over the phone and went back into the bathroom!!! My stomach hit the floor. When he came out of the shower, I told him I saw what he did, and he told me I was crazy!! He said he didn't take the night off work to put up with "this crap"!!
These are the things I need to remember when I start to feel lonely, and you just triggered that for me. I was feeling like taking the block off the number today, and just your post, and that one thing that you said, changed my mind. You helped me today sweetie, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't want that pain again.
Big hugs!!!
These are the things I need to remember when I start to feel lonely, and you just triggered that for me. I was feeling like taking the block off the number today, and just your post, and that one thing that you said, changed my mind. You helped me today sweetie, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't want that pain again.
Big hugs!!!
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