ItsmeAlice

So I got a late evening text from XABF asking how things were going. I have not heard from him in a week and that was by text as well. I decided to call him to tell him I wouldn't be able to afford texting back and forth with him anymore and that an occasional phone call would have to suffice. I realized early on in our breakup that he must have preferred texting me because he could be drunk, and I might not pick up on it that way. By phone it's more obvious.

Anyway, we were cordial and caught up on how things were going with each other. When asked, I updated him on the antics of our dogs and cats who now live with me. It's usually at this point that he starts pressing to get together so he can see the dogs especially his first love, the cattle dog princess, who will be 10 next month. BUT, his request was noticeably absent. I said a silent thank you to my HP for not having to put him off again since I'm still not comfortable seeing him at this point.

Finally, as I was about to wrap up the call with him, he says he got a puppy. I was taken by surprise. I asked for details and he told me he got him a week ago. He told me all about him and was so excited about crate training and told me all the cute things he does.

I'm heartbroken for my girl. She's a cattle dog like I said, very smart, too smart sometimes. She pined for her daddy when we left. She was defiant and contrary with me for weeks, which is how she acts when she thinks I've done something unjust to her. I was sure it was because I took her away from him. I'm also sure she still thinks of him.

I looked down while he was talking and saw her curled up in her favorite foam princess bed, the one I made for her out of a memory foam mattress because other therapeutic beds seemed too skimpy on the cushion. She had her favorite fleece blanket nested up just so beneath her. Some nights it takes her five minutes of fluffing to get it just right..... I started to cry. I'm heartbroken that he has moved on with another dog. I get that he can't be alone. I get that he misses having a dog. I didn't expect this to hurt. I told X that I would not be saying anything to her about his new dog, and I suggested he not bring his the dog if he wanted to visit with her. I think it would crush her to see him with another dog. She's the jealous type, a lot of cattle dogs are.

I know it's not rational, right? She's a pup and her biggest concern in the day is how early can she get me up for breakfast and whether the horses have left any deposits close enough to the fence for her to get into. It still hurts that he's moved on from her, and it seems the chances of him wanting to see her again have dwindled.

Why couldn't it be some floozy he's shacked up with? That I could work with. Break my heart, I've got a thick enough skin to move on from that. She doesn't. She'd probably give anything to be with him, but he doesn't feel the same.

I suppose if she were a child, it would hurt far more, but she's my child, and it makes me so sad.

Now I feel crappy. Guess we'll dog pile in bed and try for a happier day tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

Alice

Linkmeister

ItsmeAlice-My dog is still pining away for XABF and every time he hears the common front door to the apartment open, he goes to it and sits there waiting.

They were inseparable when we were together and now that he is gone, my boy is pretty shattered as well in spite of XABF threatening both of us and yelling a lot at him in the days that preceded the breakup. I've been giving him lots of extra love and hugs and it helps both of us. I even let him on my bed and he just nuzzles into me when we sleep.

It's hard enough to explain to a child why "poppa" is no longer there but to a dog-well, you just can't do it. My heart goes out to you and give your cattle princess a big hug from me and my boy.

Cowgirl1265

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with dog heartbreak....kid heartbreak is more than enough! My husband yelled and screamed and threatened the dogs so much they were all beside themselves with anxiety. Since he left they have calmed down incredibly.

GiveLove

My dogs are absolutely insane about their daddy-o. They wait every night at the top step, heads on hands, patient as saints for his key in the lock. They shriek at the top of their lungs. He is their God.

When he had to travel for weeks on end last year, they noticed the change in routine. They were disjointed, sad, acted out. So did I.

For a while.

Then, when I let them, they got on with their lives.

These guys are smart, smart dogs, but they are also animals, and animals are wise enough to know even better than I do how to detach from things that no longer serve their needs. They find new joys and new friends much faster than I do.

I'm betting your princess will be fine if you will, Alice. Love her enough for two, and try not to read too much into her discomfort with YOUR discomfort at being unsettled. My cattle dog and my kelpie were very sensitive to that as well, when we up and moved away from a long-ago ABF. They are control freaks and like to know where everything is. When we were settled, when *I* got settled, so did they.

Hugs to you both, to find your comfort zone again!

Pelican

Alice,

I enjoy reading your shares on SR. You are so insightful. Your recovery is magnificent and it shows in your ES&H.

I'm sorry your heart was breaking for your Princess.

I think your HP was showing you something. You still have some grieving to process and need to give yourself plenty of time. This is another area of your soul that needs to be examined. I am confident that you will grow and learn from this experience!

Your posts shows how important X was in the life of your princess.

IMHO, your love is sufficient to sustain you both.

Love and Hugs!

ItsmeAlice

Thank you all so much for your heartfelt replies. I'm still teary eyed this morning when I think of it, but thankfully the ache in my heart is not constant now.

Stuff just always happens in ways you hadn't even considered. I knew he would move on from me and find someone new. I guess my heart just hadn't considered him moving on from her.

I opened my Codependent No More copy last night for a quick 'talking to' by Ms. Beattie before bed, and wouldn't you know the chapter I had left off the last time was on getting a life and letting others live theirs. Wow! She always knows just what to say. I'm going to add that to my list of things to do today.

1. Pick up horse feed.
2. Return Netflix DVDs.
3. GET A LIFE.

I guess it's not just about me moving on, but all the pets, too. Now, what kind of life do you suppose a 10-year-old, pint-sized cattle dog wants??? I'll have to work on that.

On a side note - The three cats and the beagle-shepherd mix probably wouldn't recognize the guy at this point. Their biggest concern is hunting socks out of the laundry and trying to tip the trash over. Ignorance is bliss.

Alice

GiveLove

((((Alice)))))
You're a good and fierce dog mom, and we love you.

TakingCharge999

Hi itsme... I have to ask... why is it necessary to keep contact with the ex?

I just imagine if you have not talked to him you wouldn't have known, and you wouldn't have felt bad for the dog...

Today I woke up and the kitty was crying.. I took her in my arms and we slept for half an hour... made my whole day. Furry companions are the best and I agree with GL they know how to live in the present and do new stuff! Much wiser...

LOL I loved your list, I got to return to the GET A LIFE attitude, lately there have been so many triggers I wonder how I've had a good attitude before???????????

I'm too rooting for a better day tomorrow

ItsmeAlice

((((GL)))) Hugs back at you, GL!

Thanks TC, you're right there's no need for contact. The last contact I had with him was about getting him off my phone account, which was resolved.

When he texted this time, I called him back to tell him to stop texting me to chat. I had not planned to block him out of my life primarily for the dog's benefit of seeing him again, but it would seem he's moved on from her. I suspect he just wanted to share about the puppy anyway.

I should be taking her lead and living in the moment....my moment...her moment...no longer his moment.

Gotta put in some good work time today so I can afford this life I plan to get! LOL!

Alice

ItsmeAlice

Anvil, my girl, you are so right!....my priorities are all out of whack. Although I tend to make lists that have everything under item one because I am a complete dunce about prioritizing. Thank goodness in my job works pops on a list based on importance, deadline, or assignment...I don't have to decide, I just work whatever comes next. I need to take a lesson on how to do that.

Half blue heeler, huh? Oh...now the hop over the gate to poop on the rug totallly makes sense to me. That's totally a blue heeler move. "This is my space, that's your space, if I have to poop, I'm gonna poop in your space, okay? I have strict rules about what goes on in my space, Mommy, now don't make me repeat myself, can I have a cookie?????!"

It's a better day today now that you're here!!

Smooches!!

Alice

Linkmeister

Like you Alice, she wants a peaceful, serene life. That's what I'm trying to give my guy - a year and a half old beagle-springer spaniel mix. There's lots of love and hugs, walks and spoiling. He's starting to settle down somewhat although whenever EXABF phones, this little guy feels some tension.

LOL....that's a good one, Alice. In spite of his upsets, my guy is still trying to get up on the counter to steal leftovers. His stomach rules his life and it's times like that I know his "poppa" is far from his mind.

One thing I forgot-a well meaning family member told me the other day when they heard of the split that it won't be long till I "find" someone else since I'm moving to a rather upscale neighbourhood-told them pointedly that the only man I want in my life at the present time had 4 legs, a tail, a wet nose and drinks nothing stronger than water...out of a bowl.

Yup, furry kids and their priorities-eat,sleep,play, give unconditional love have a way of making us see what ours should be......