Still stuck under the same roof and hating him more than ever!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 64
Still stuck under the same roof and hating him more than ever!
Well my AH and I are still in the house. I met my lawyer this week and she will speak to his lawyer sometime in the next few days to try to resolve the current living arrangements. Obtaining a court order to get him out is more complicated than I had anticipated so I'm not sure if that will be an option.
I am so relieved the separation process is underway. I haven’t had one second of regret and the more he displays his nasty side, the more I’m looking forward to my future without him.
He has now cut me off financially but that's ok. I'll manage, somehow. He also keeps trying to pick fights with me. I ignore him and that irritates him even more.
He also is in complete denial over the reasons for my decision and is now trying the spin the divorce as HIS decision to divorce ME! He also told me his drinking is under control as long as he’s not around me because I’m the cause of his excessive drinking! Oh, and also, our 14 year old son is bullying HIM! Unbelievable…can’t wait to be away from this insanity. He also thinks I’m having an affair as I guess he can’t quite believe I would leave for the reasons I so often told him I would.
I’m so glad I didn’t involve his family because they’ve bought right into his victim status so he’s got a ton of support now to help him continue on his self-destructive path.
Someone replied to one of my earlier posts saying that losing his family and house may not be bottom for him and so far, I can say he’s far from having hit bottom. In fact, he seems more motivated than ever to “prove” he doesn’t have a drinking problem.
I am so relieved the separation process is underway. I haven’t had one second of regret and the more he displays his nasty side, the more I’m looking forward to my future without him.
He has now cut me off financially but that's ok. I'll manage, somehow. He also keeps trying to pick fights with me. I ignore him and that irritates him even more.
He also is in complete denial over the reasons for my decision and is now trying the spin the divorce as HIS decision to divorce ME! He also told me his drinking is under control as long as he’s not around me because I’m the cause of his excessive drinking! Oh, and also, our 14 year old son is bullying HIM! Unbelievable…can’t wait to be away from this insanity. He also thinks I’m having an affair as I guess he can’t quite believe I would leave for the reasons I so often told him I would.
I’m so glad I didn’t involve his family because they’ve bought right into his victim status so he’s got a ton of support now to help him continue on his self-destructive path.
Someone replied to one of my earlier posts saying that losing his family and house may not be bottom for him and so far, I can say he’s far from having hit bottom. In fact, he seems more motivated than ever to “prove” he doesn’t have a drinking problem.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Someplace USA
Posts: 415
So Sorry!!!! Being with an A is just nasty and ugly. We try to look past it until the end but it just is. I hope your out of there fast, for your and your son's sake.
I always thought I would have everything together and just leave and send the papers because I know my AH would be awful. That your there with him is real courage!
You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!
I always thought I would have everything together and just leave and send the papers because I know my AH would be awful. That your there with him is real courage!
You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 64
Brundle,
Thank you for your support. To be honest, one of the many fears that held me back from making this decision a long time ago was having to endure his reaction. He's behaving just as I expected and it actually makes it easier for me. All he's doing is reinforcing the rightness of my decision.
I know you're in a difficult situation too. Stay strong. You're in my thoughts too.
Thank you for your support. To be honest, one of the many fears that held me back from making this decision a long time ago was having to endure his reaction. He's behaving just as I expected and it actually makes it easier for me. All he's doing is reinforcing the rightness of my decision.
I know you're in a difficult situation too. Stay strong. You're in my thoughts too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
I don't know how you can live in the same house with a person you are divorcing. That is dangerous in my mind. Surely there is some way to get him out of there at least for a period of time - won't the courts help you? I see it as a very volatile situation. (I know if I lived with my X after he was served with the papers, he would have either killed me or nearly killed me, or the opposite - tried to kill me with kindness, and all the fake niceness that they can muster when it's in their own interest.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaa. Thank God I'm past that junk!
GOOD luck to you!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaa. Thank God I'm past that junk!
GOOD luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Venice, is there anywhere else you can be? Your husband sounds very unstable. Maybe I'm still sensitive from 4peasinapod's thread earlier this week, but...I too would not want to do what you're doing IF I had any sort of option (relatives, friends, etc.)
Take care of yourself
Take care of yourself
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Venice,
Glad your seeing 'everything' with open eyes now.:-) For me, seeing how bad his behavior got towards me when i asked for a divorce was actually comforting in that i knew i should have made no other decision.
It is hard living with the "freak out" right after asking for the divorce. however, it is what I use to remember whenever false feelings get in the way of the truth of progressive alcoholism as it effects me and my kids.
My husband is the opposite though. Money is 'ours' and he believes money will keep me married to him. His issue with money come when i divorce him. As to his mom and step father : they sent us an anniversary card , which was aug 8, that said the marriage was till death do us part and not to get divorced. ( that card was aimed at me of course)
I would let him quack and when it got abusive i would leave that space in the house or leave the house with our kids. Of course he would lock the door for our return.
You are in my prayers.
Glad your seeing 'everything' with open eyes now.:-) For me, seeing how bad his behavior got towards me when i asked for a divorce was actually comforting in that i knew i should have made no other decision.
It is hard living with the "freak out" right after asking for the divorce. however, it is what I use to remember whenever false feelings get in the way of the truth of progressive alcoholism as it effects me and my kids.
My husband is the opposite though. Money is 'ours' and he believes money will keep me married to him. His issue with money come when i divorce him. As to his mom and step father : they sent us an anniversary card , which was aug 8, that said the marriage was till death do us part and not to get divorced. ( that card was aimed at me of course)
I would let him quack and when it got abusive i would leave that space in the house or leave the house with our kids. Of course he would lock the door for our return.
You are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Goodness me, are you sure you are Venice? Considered a change to something more rural? Sounds more like McDonald's farm with all the quacking, mooing and oinking, your AH is doing.
Has he blamed you for the global financial crisis yet, or causing the polar icecap meltdown? How powerful you are.
Next time he says you are to blame for whatever his brain comes up with, perhaps you could just ask him, "do you really believe I am that powerful?"
As for leaving him for a lover, well how about, "No affair, just cannot live this way any longer, and your unpleasant behavior just tells me I am right to leave."
It may stop his quacking and give you a few minutes peace.
Hope your attorney gets something sorted out soon for you.
God bless
Has he blamed you for the global financial crisis yet, or causing the polar icecap meltdown? How powerful you are.
Next time he says you are to blame for whatever his brain comes up with, perhaps you could just ask him, "do you really believe I am that powerful?"
As for leaving him for a lover, well how about, "No affair, just cannot live this way any longer, and your unpleasant behavior just tells me I am right to leave."
It may stop his quacking and give you a few minutes peace.
Hope your attorney gets something sorted out soon for you.
God bless
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
This is when the sociopathic behavior really comes out, when the addicts "normal" routine is threatened. This is when you truly find out what they are capable of and how far they will go. Good luck and hang in there. Get lots of support, get you and the kids out of the house as often as possible. I went to a lot of movies during this stage.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 64
Trying2Survive,
In speaking to my attorney, it seems complicated to get a court order and could take 2-3 weeks. She also mentioned it's usually granted when there are young children in the home who are staying with the custodial parent. In my case, my sons are 14, 16 and 18. My attorney is to call me today or tomorrow after reviewing my entire file.
In speaking to my attorney, it seems complicated to get a court order and could take 2-3 weeks. She also mentioned it's usually granted when there are young children in the home who are staying with the custodial parent. In my case, my sons are 14, 16 and 18. My attorney is to call me today or tomorrow after reviewing my entire file.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 64
GiveLove,
I'll see what options my attorney can recommend. My first lawyer told me if I leave I need to request guardianship of my kids and that it's more complicated than getting a court order.
I'll see what options my attorney can recommend. My first lawyer told me if I leave I need to request guardianship of my kids and that it's more complicated than getting a court order.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Venice, 
Well girl, you did it! Congratulations on taking your first step. I know it took a lot of thinking beforehand and a lot of courage. Don't worry too much right now about whether or not it was the "Right" decision. Everything is going to be just fine. Take good care of yourself this week and don't worry too much about those kids! They'll be just fine too.
Peace. We're all behind you. Thanks for keeping us up-to-date. :ghug2
Well girl, you did it! Congratulations on taking your first step. I know it took a lot of thinking beforehand and a lot of courage. Don't worry too much right now about whether or not it was the "Right" decision. Everything is going to be just fine. Take good care of yourself this week and don't worry too much about those kids! They'll be just fine too.
Peace. We're all behind you. Thanks for keeping us up-to-date. :ghug2
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