queenie88

well i guess i can add that to the list of everything wrong with him...alcoholic, weed addict, narcissistic...and JUST PLAIN JERK. of course i'm overreacting a tad, but it brings to mind what others have said here, take away the addictive behaviors and you still have a mean, selfish person.

Jadmack25

So this Wonderman has "recovered" from his addiction, got a job, is supporting a woman and her 4 kids and is on top of the world,......all this in 2 months!!!

Gosh!! Think I just saw the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and a battalion of pink pigs, all fly past my window. At least I could believe more in these characters than in your XABF having this miraculous change of character......or in it lasting very long.
I'd liken it to a mirage....looks good, looks real, but it aint either.

You, on the other hand CAN make real and lasting changes to yourself and your life. You, like us all here in one way or the other, have spent OURtime, energy, money, mind, heart, soul and love, on folk who took all we gave and so often threw our precious gifts back in our faces. Only when we finally wore out and could not stand our lives anymore, did we seek help and learn how to get off the treadmill of misery.

There has been so much wonderful support and suggestions posted here that can make a difference for anyone who follows them.

I hope you can get off his case very soon, and begin taking care of yours, so that you get the future you so definitely deserve.

God bless

sclarke64448

Aaaaaw thank you Jadmack. I know that no matter how he's looking back and telling himself I was to him, deep down he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He was forever telling me I was too sweet for my own good, should stand up to him more, was so lovely and he'd never ever met a girl like me. (Admittedly I am very laid back and don't really have an argumentative side and I - naively - worshipped him so just did what I could to make life easier and happier for him - how we learn our lesson!). So to transform me from that to the wicked witch of the west will be quite an achievement, even by his standards.

Learn2Live

I think this is a disease too LOL! Cause I've known a lot of men like this.

CNMC2C

Amen to that! I thought a couple of months ago that I was ready to date again. There was a guy that asked me out and I said yes. He stood me up the night of our date. Never called, texted, e-mailed, sent telepathic signals, smoke signals...nothing to let me know he wasn't coming. I politely let it go and thanked my Higher Power for protecting me from this person. After that experience, I politely retreated back to the non-dating world.

sclarke64448

Oh Amy how you're better off without him! I have to say though, if it happens to me again I hope it happens early on in the relationship before I get too emotionally involved than before I get sucked in hook, line and sinker. I never, ever, EVER imagined he would do this to me. He was so protective and loving all the time. My friends were totally taken in by his apparent besottedness too. I know right now I'm better off on my own. But I do kind of miss being in a relationship. Going to have to pick very carefully from now on!

CNMC2C

Hey Sam! When I think back to my A XBF, I remember how he chased me for a month trying to get me to go out with him. I finally accepted his invitation to dinner one night. I was amazed at how he was presented all the characteristics I thought I wanted in a guy. We had the best time together. He was so attentive, caring, sweet, and loving and continued to be that way for 4 months, then his attitude toward me changed out of the blue. He became a person that I didn't recognise. I stayed in the relationship for 8 more months hoping that the guy I fell in love with would appear again....well he never did. One of my friends that has known him for years told me that the guy I fell in love with really doesn't exist. She said that he has always been a master manipulator and that her and her husband knew that we wouldn't last because they knew the real him would appear sooner or later. The "real him" is an alcoholic who has no desire to change his life. His "nice persona" is a facade. The minute that I called him on his alcoholism, he moved on to another woman/enabler while supposedly being in a monogomous relationship with me. Here is the thing, as long as an alcoholic is in active addiction, their only care in the world is where their next drink comes from. I too miss being in a romantic relationship with a man, but I realize that I need to get comfortable with myself before I can move forward with dating. I want to feel stronger in my recovery from codependency, and I just don't feel strong enough in that area yet. I just scheduled an appointment with a new therapist who specializes in addiction, eating disorders, and relationship issues for next week. I have to learn to love myself ....which seems to not be as easy as I thought it would be. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this therapist is a good fit. The one I met with a couple of weeks ago ended up talking about her divorce, instead of my issues

steve11694

A person that was a horse thief before alcoholism would still be one with alcohol removed,

HOWEVER; chemical addiction can and does make even the most honest hardworking educated people into liars, scammers, con artists, thieves. This is not disputed and, additionally, I have seen it with my own eyes after wife developed alcoholism.

steve11694

Recently scientists have identified this specific "gene" in the male species...

A glimmer of hope exists for the future as gene therapy may help the male species rid itself of this gene.

Learn2Live

This also I have found that even the non-addicted/non-alcoholic men do. One man I fell for (NO addiction WHATSOEVER, past or present) was like this for only 2 months before changing. My wise old Mom still gives the same old advice that when you meet a guy, hold out for as long as you can because once you give in, they change on you. And then you're TRAPPED! Either in a marriage or emotionally, or both.

It's strange because I actually thought that if I just picked someone who appeared healthy by "normal" standards, and if I avoided all men with alcoholism or other addictions, that I would be "safe" and have a successful relationship. Boy, had I fooled myself!

As for staying single awhile, the longer I live alone, the longer I enjoy my peace and serenity, the more I don't want to have to live with another man. Especially one who wants to walk through life with his head in the clouds, ignoring the obvious about himself.

Thanks everybody for being there for me and listening to me!

TakingCharge999

I guess my conclusion is we are all changing day by day, but there are people that change for the worse or keep the status quo, and others that try to change for the best. If you pick someone who also has this goal then you can be relaxed and know he will change, just lke you, but it will be to something great.... and if you decide to part ways for whatever reason it will be a healthy way... with a good memory and good hopes towards the ex. So you are safe.. its all a matter of having a healthy "picker" !!!

Sometimes I wonder how I survived so many years without BASIC learnings

/my experience is as valid and true as anyone's
/the ability to recognize quacking
/knowing I got the option to remove myself from said quacking.. I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN !
/a friend is different from a coworker who is different from a "contact"
/knowing people lie all the time and many are just out to get something
/knowing most people are greatly hurt and act out their childhood stuff, they never seek help or recognize where this comes from.
/knowing happiness resides in me and me only
/understanding I dont know ALL the story, my vision of things is very limited and for someone somewhere this all makes total sense.. someday I'll find out why.. for now I know what I am supposed to know, not more, not less
/I am not defined by my past

I have floated without direction but now I know where I want to be... and I know more of who I am.. I am a woman that has higher standards for a partner and won't swallow any disrespect of any type from anyone anymore !