AH with a grudge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 122
AH with a grudge
I have been married for 25 years to my ah. We are now living apart because of our jobs. We had been working at the same place. The last time I talked to him was a month ago. He got mad at me because I had told some people where he was now working. He said that they just about ruined his life (an exaggeration)and that I always defended them. I did not defend them, but I did get tired of his constant complaining.
I'm just curious if this has happened to any of you. I mean how can you be married for this length of time and then not even a phone call? I am not calling him because I was the one attacked. He has really got a grudge against me!
Of course I could tell all of you about 25 years of his behavior, but since this is my first post I'll keep it short.
I'm just curious if this has happened to any of you. I mean how can you be married for this length of time and then not even a phone call? I am not calling him because I was the one attacked. He has really got a grudge against me!
Of course I could tell all of you about 25 years of his behavior, but since this is my first post I'll keep it short.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi rae and welcome to the family!
Have you tried Alanon meetings for yourself? I find them helpful in keeping my serenity while dealing with an alcoholic.
An alcoholic is going to blame you as an excuse to drink. They will cause an argument to gain an excuse to drink. But I guess you've seen all this behavior before, right?
Here's something I learned in Alanon:
I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I won't cure it
Stick around and make yourself at home. Post and read as much as you need.:ghug3
Have you tried Alanon meetings for yourself? I find them helpful in keeping my serenity while dealing with an alcoholic.
An alcoholic is going to blame you as an excuse to drink. They will cause an argument to gain an excuse to drink. But I guess you've seen all this behavior before, right?
Here's something I learned in Alanon:
I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I won't cure it
Stick around and make yourself at home. Post and read as much as you need.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Welcome rae,
I'm glad you are living separately for now, after 25 years of what must have been some very painful experiences. Some solitude will probably be good for you.
Resentment is a major symptom of alcoholism, and it is written about extensively in the AA Big Book. Resentment and Selfishness, said Bill W, are the core of the alcoholic's problems. He devised the 12 Steps as a method for the alcoholic to release resentment and to stop being selfish, through restoration of the alcoholic's neglected spiritual life. His neglected heart, which becomes distorted by addiction.
Your AH, without recovery, can be expected to continue with this kind of behavior you
describe.
Maybe you could attend an Al-Anon meeting and pick up some brochures there on relationship with alcoholics. There are some very good pamphlets at all the meetings. You will feel better, knowing you are never to blame, when he blames you.
Please feel free to post here anytime. There's always someone to give you helpful feedback. A lot of experience and hope.
Bluejay
I'm glad you are living separately for now, after 25 years of what must have been some very painful experiences. Some solitude will probably be good for you.
Resentment is a major symptom of alcoholism, and it is written about extensively in the AA Big Book. Resentment and Selfishness, said Bill W, are the core of the alcoholic's problems. He devised the 12 Steps as a method for the alcoholic to release resentment and to stop being selfish, through restoration of the alcoholic's neglected spiritual life. His neglected heart, which becomes distorted by addiction.
Your AH, without recovery, can be expected to continue with this kind of behavior you
describe.
Maybe you could attend an Al-Anon meeting and pick up some brochures there on relationship with alcoholics. There are some very good pamphlets at all the meetings. You will feel better, knowing you are never to blame, when he blames you.
Please feel free to post here anytime. There's always someone to give you helpful feedback. A lot of experience and hope.
Bluejay
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