EyesOpen

I have a question...

I went to the grocery store today, and as I was in the parking lot putting the bags in the car, I noticed a man coming out of the liquor store next to the grocery. He had just purchased a 30-pack of miller. I didn't know him, never seen him before in my life.

And yet, I instantly got an attitude. I thought the worst of him, I got disgusted at him. I wanted to go over to him and tell him what a poor excuse for a human being he was.

My A has been moved out for a while, I've learned to let go, I'm moving on with my life. I smile. I have fun.

And yet, a simple trip to the grocery causes me to feel a little piece of anger/disgust at some guy I don't even know.

I mean, liquor stores sell liquor, so I shouldn't be surprised to see someone carrying a case of beer, now should I?

Am I the only who still flinches at being around alcohol at all? Am I the only one with zero tolerance? I used to drink myself, never considered myself a prude........ suppose I'll go back to the days of ignoring how much other people drink?

boo

I am finding I am doing that a little bit. It is not so much how much alcohol another stranger is buying, and what he/she will potentially do with it, it is more that it reminds me of what a horrible disease alcoholism is. It also represents loss for me, because A and I are not seeing each other now because he is an A and trying to get sober (and his sponsor dropped him because he started a new relationship early in recovery).

I think in a way it is a natural reaction. It is a trigger for us to behave that way just as alcohol is a trigger for the A to drink. A and us have to learn to respond to those triggers differently.

And, as an aside, it freaks me out how AVAILABLE alcohol is in the US!!

Jon

There are several good reasons for not starting a relationship while in new recovery.

The facts are that most people will not stay sober a year on the first, second or even third try.

The facts are that 22 million people in the U.S. are drug or alcohol dependent, yet fewer than 3 million get treatment.

The facts are that a new relationship in new recovery is a recipe for disaster.

But I'm sure you guys are different...

phoenix

I was thinking you said he was drinking during the week or so you spent together.And that when he started recovery he said you should forget him.Did I miss something?

phoenix

sdp

I don't cop an attitude, although my attitude towards alcohol has drastically changed. I used to like sitting in the bars, getting a buzz on, etc. However, that was before I had kids and could sleep all day Sunday!!! Infant twins and hangover do not go well together!!!

So I pretty much stopped. Now I can go into a bar for like 2 beers, but that's it- past my bedtime!!!

The thought of sitting in bars for hours, pounding back the beers, having idiotic conversations with people just does not appeal to me. Sometimes i like to get a little loaded, but I have not had a crushing hangover in about 10 years-- I stop way before I leave wherever I am. Usually, the rare times my A and I go somewhere together, I don;t drink at all, as i know I am driving home.

I just can't comprehend how my a and his buddies can sit somewhere for up to 2 or more days boozing!!! Even when I was childless and drank more, the latest I ever made it was 6am, and that was like only once or twice.

So, yes, while I have changed my attitude on booze, I don't think everyone who buys it is, I can't think of a better word, evil. I am assuming that they can control their drinking. Of course, this is unless they are obviously on a 2dayer!!! Then I am disgusted. Of course, in this state, you can buy booze anywhere- grocery stores, convenience stores, etc.

Debbie

Yes, I do cop an attitude but then again it just isn't seeing a person with alcohol I cop an attitude with. My meanness comes out when I am alone.

I see a teenage boy driving too fast, I say "punk", I see a person coming out of the liquor store or beer store a "drunk" and I see a guy going into the "go go bar" a "sleezebag". Now mind you this is all said in my mind and I would never verbally say these things out loud.

Do I have an attitude.......the answer is YES!!

Hugs,
Debbie

jessieandme2003

I totally get the same attitude when I see a man with beer like that. Or hear men talking about going to the bar. Or about getting drunk.
Since my AH has been in recovery I am amazed at how much we are exposed to something about drinking. We're either invited to a party, or with people and they are talking about drinking, or it is on TV or in the movie or in commercials... It just seems everywhere! Right now it annoys the heck out of me!!
I was never a prude about drinkign until becoming involved with my AH. Now I have an almost instant disgust response. Recently I heard my state will begin selling beer in supermarkets and I can't help thinking what a disaster that is.

Debbie

Yikes, I live in PA and I hadn't heard that but it figures. They recently started selling the "hard" stuff on Sundays. Why? Six days a week isn't enough time to get the booze? Geez.....

LongStrangeTrip

I don't really get an attitude when it comes to strangers but I DO feel uncomfortable. Now, when I am unfortunately in the presence of my husband and his "cronies" as I call them, I used to get a major one.
Not just because of the alcohol but also because of the behavior and actions of them all. They all act like middle school kids trying to one up each other in the goofball or flirt department. All the sexual inuendos that one can stomach and all of the bulging chests, both male and female, that I can possibly stand.
I was unfortunately in the middle of a lot of that yesterday at his big pig roast/bar-b-que thing for the club. I ran the kids table for all the drunk parents who didn't have time to pay any attention to their kids. I painted little freckled faces for about 3 hours. I just listened to the music and more or less tuned out all of the drunks. When I was finished, I had a bite to eat, a little chit chat with my sister in laws and then I gathered up the kids, including my step son and left...without an attitude for once. It felt really good to not leave in a huff for a change.
I really didn't care that he had barely a few minutes to give for the entire time that I was there. I made once small comment about that and of course that comment was protested by him so I dropped it and said it was time to go.
He devoted weeks of planning to this event, all day friday and from 7am saturday morning until finally rolling it at 1am this morning and you know what? I really don't care anymore. I've learned to accept that all of these things come before me, the house or the kids.
I'm fine. I had a fairly good weekend except for this stupid cold I seem to have caught and even kept my afternoon lunch date with my friend and the kids. We had a really nice time hanging out and laughing.

antreeta

Yes, I get an attitude. Our state allows liquor to be sold in grocery stores. My ugly old resentments pop up, when I see a couple of 12 packs in the cart with a toddler. When my children were little, I was lucky to get $20 a week for groceries, but there was always plenty of beer.

MissyBelle

Sheesh. This is that same old complaint of mine. Why do people married to alcoholics/addicts always seem to assume that everyone who drinks does it abusively? I grew up in a family where parties with alcohol were common and drunkeness was rare. Children were never neglected and it was fun for everyone.

I have a glass of wine with my dinner every night and an occasional scotch at a party. I cannot tell you the last time I copped a buzz---10 years, maybe? I think I'm more like most people than our As are.

kitkat

Yes - I do tend to feel badly when I see people with alcohol or if they talk about going and getting a drink. When someone yells out that someone else should go home and have a margarita, I always thing "why?". Why do you need alcohol to relax?

I guess that's because I don't need it and am totally on the opposite side of the A. I take the other extreme and don't drink alcohol at all.

EmotionalMeg

Hi guys,
Yes I have to admit that I fall victim to the "attitude"...

I rarely see people out drinking anymore, because hubby and I don't normally go where alcohol is being served BUT...

Hubby and I went to a wedding this weekend; full of old classmates and G's drinking buddies. There was NOT ONE person there who was NOT drinking, and it made me feel sad. I couldn't help but think how alcohol is so useless and needless; that many of these ppl drank to get a "buzz" and be social, and have fun... I couldn't help but wonder if they KNEW that you can do all these things without the booze!

At one point, G and I were approached by a "friend" that G hadn't seen in years. The conversation progressed, and eventually the guy asked G "Why the hel* aren't you drinking?!" G simply said that he is in recovery; that he is an addict and an alcoholic. You know what this guy said? "Oh man... I would never give up the beer. It's the only thing that keeps me going!"
HUH?!

But, alas... G and I are the exception to the lives of MOST of these ppl. We HAVE seen the destruction of addiciton, and for now choose not to participate. It is our choice, and gives us no right to pass judgement.
I am sure that I will forever "notice" the dysfunction that alcohol can manifest - an "attitude? I am not sure... I figure I am just more educated than the "normies" out there.

Take care
Meg

Debbie

I don't assume this all the time. I probably grab an attitude more often when my husband is drinking than when he is sober though. Guess its just a frame of mind. All fast driving teenagers aren't punks to me all the time either but when they cut me off in traffic they all are punks for at least a month.
As for the "go go bar" goers, all sleezebags no matter what......disgusting.

A general question I would "assume" with honest answers.

Hugs,
Debbie