trying to have a nice nite
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
trying to have a nice nite
Cooked the dinner he wanted- even made walnut brownies- then a laddle full of spagetti sauce gets thrown against the sink and splatters everywhere- evidently your not supposed to use a laddle for spagetti sauce- out of the blue he tells me how tired he is of my half As*ing everything and I need to shut the "f" up. Its notmy fault he went out last nite and got drunk on tequila and vomited all over himself and the car on the INTERSTATE driveing home- and he feels crappy today.Hes been home 2 1/2 monthes now- this is the first "bad" spell with the anger- hes inbed now- mad at me i guess...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Ellima, no one, and I repeat no one, deserves to have supper thrown against the sink and to be told to shut the 'f' up. That is abuse. I don't care if it's his first 'bad spell' with anger.
It hurts my heart that you continue to stay in such an appalling situation.
You have so much to give, and there are good caring men in this world. He isn't one of them.
It hurts my heart that you continue to stay in such an appalling situation.
You have so much to give, and there are good caring men in this world. He isn't one of them.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Of course he's mad...I'm wondering how _you_ are feeling after all of this??
His actions amount to abusive, violent intimidation.
I remember how often I would minimize things that happened in our home and am so grateful for the moment when I finally realized that once that behavior became evident--- it was up to me to get out of harms way; set firm boundaries for "myself" and only myself.
I hope you will stay safe.
His actions amount to abusive, violent intimidation.
I remember how often I would minimize things that happened in our home and am so grateful for the moment when I finally realized that once that behavior became evident--- it was up to me to get out of harms way; set firm boundaries for "myself" and only myself.
I hope you will stay safe.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Tacoma, Wa
Posts: 2
You do not deserve that! No one deserves that! There is alot of us out there who are going through what you are. You arent alone! I will tell you what everyone tells me. Even though I dont listen either! You deserve so much better than that.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
He may have not had an angry episode in the time he's been back home, but he still has the same problems he has always had. His latest tantrum shows he still has no control over HIS drinking, his bad temper and little respect for you.
Then again his past behavior of lies and cheating demonstrated that.
I do hope you soon realise you deserve a real marriage with a real man, and find the strength to get out of this demeaning relationship, for your own sake and your child's.
God bless
Then again his past behavior of lies and cheating demonstrated that.
I do hope you soon realise you deserve a real marriage with a real man, and find the strength to get out of this demeaning relationship, for your own sake and your child's.
God bless
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by ellima01 
Cooked the dinner he wanted- even made walnut brownies-
then a laddle full of spagetti sauce gets thrown against the sink and splatters everywhere- evidently your not supposed to use a laddle for spagetti sauce- out of the blue he tells me how tired he is of my half As*ing everything and I need to shut the "f" up.
.
then a laddle full of spagetti sauce gets thrown against the sink and splatters everywhere- evidently your not supposed to use a laddle for spagetti sauce- out of the blue he tells me how tired he is of my half As*ing everything and I need to shut the "f" up.
.
Which part of the evening will your baby girl remember?
You started your meal plan with love in your heart. Your meal ended with your being blamed, ridiculed, abused, disrespected, targeted, vicitimized, and violated.
Were you able to detach from this outburst and spend the rest of your evening with love in your heart? I wouldn't be able to. I lived in fear of the next outburst. That's not the environment I wanted for myself and my children.
You deserve a home filled with love. Love for yourself. Love for your daughter. Love for life!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Hi Ellima01,
reading what you wrote made me remember one episode from my life when I was about 13. My father was A. He was never violent, but one day he was. I had a music playing in a living room and he asked me to turn it off, I was doing something and I said I will in a minute, he shouted: I said now. I shoted back: I will in a minute. He came over to me and slaped me across my face (never hit me before), and without thinking for a second I hit him back with all my strenght and said in a very calm voice: And don't you dare ever raising your hand on me ever again. I guess it wasn't a decision it was an instict.
He stood paralyzed and shocked as I walked away. Never tried to hit me again.
And that was 24 years ago, and back than it wasn't uncommon for people do discipline their kids like that (at least were I was living), but still I stood up, as in my heart and soul I knew it was wrong, I felt equal to any next person and wanted to be respected.
I'm not saying you should get physical with your partner or anyting like it, I'm simply saying you have to stand up for yourself. If you don't no one else will.
Livng with my AH I've been forgetting this for an awfully long time, but lately I started to remember. I still have that 13 old girl inside of me, and she is not afraid of anything, she hits back.
If I were you I'd have him packing his bags in an instant, but we are all different people, so if you are staying with him, my advice is Stand up for yourself. Maybe for a change he'd shut the "f" up, of course I don't know what is your man capable of, I'm not encouraging you to do anything that might put you in danger, but just try finding a way to stand up for yourself, even if it's not an acctual reaction towards him, if it's even silently inside of you, don't let him see you're intimidated by him. As in my humble opinion people do to others only as much as they can get away with.
reading what you wrote made me remember one episode from my life when I was about 13. My father was A. He was never violent, but one day he was. I had a music playing in a living room and he asked me to turn it off, I was doing something and I said I will in a minute, he shouted: I said now. I shoted back: I will in a minute. He came over to me and slaped me across my face (never hit me before), and without thinking for a second I hit him back with all my strenght and said in a very calm voice: And don't you dare ever raising your hand on me ever again. I guess it wasn't a decision it was an instict.
He stood paralyzed and shocked as I walked away. Never tried to hit me again.
And that was 24 years ago, and back than it wasn't uncommon for people do discipline their kids like that (at least were I was living), but still I stood up, as in my heart and soul I knew it was wrong, I felt equal to any next person and wanted to be respected.
I'm not saying you should get physical with your partner or anyting like it, I'm simply saying you have to stand up for yourself. If you don't no one else will.
Livng with my AH I've been forgetting this for an awfully long time, but lately I started to remember. I still have that 13 old girl inside of me, and she is not afraid of anything, she hits back.
If I were you I'd have him packing his bags in an instant, but we are all different people, so if you are staying with him, my advice is Stand up for yourself. Maybe for a change he'd shut the "f" up, of course I don't know what is your man capable of, I'm not encouraging you to do anything that might put you in danger, but just try finding a way to stand up for yourself, even if it's not an acctual reaction towards him, if it's even silently inside of you, don't let him see you're intimidated by him. As in my humble opinion people do to others only as much as they can get away with.
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