Boogs

I've had a very difficult time with my ex over the last few months at work. This week was bloody awful as he is acting like a child and making me feel like I need to watch my back. Earlier this week I was really upset but I feel like I have some kind of clarity now.

He is angry because he can no longer control me and is lashing out, quite sad really. I actually realised the other day that I had a bit of a crush on someone too. For the first time in 4 years I'm not all wrapped up in my feelings for him and it feels damn good

sandrawg

Good for you Boogs!

Has the x stopped harrassing you? I hope so.

onlyliveonce

It does feel good not to worry about them or their messes!!

TakingCharge999

Please, come down here and give me some dettachment lessons good for you Bogs!!

Boogs

Well after the last blow up I spoke to HR and my line manager and said that I couldn't handle it anymore. They have taken steps to minimise our contact at work and said that all issues need to go through his line manager with personal stuff strictly to be done outside of work. All fair enough but now he is behaving like an infant and storming off if I am walking in his direction, having lots of one on one chats with members of our team which stop if i walk into the room, meeting with the union (which leads me to suspect that he is going to conjur up some ******** and make a complaint against me) complaining to HR if I so much as speak directly to him etc.... It made work a really difficult place for me to be last week especially as my Nan (who is the one person in the world I am close to) is being tested for cancer this week. It is almost as if he can sense the weakness in me and is going for it This caused me a lot of distress earlier in the week but my counsellor pointed out that whilst he understood how vulnerable and attacked I was feeling stressing about it wouldn't change anything as I couldn't control his behaviour and we had discussed many times that if I wasn't he closest allie he would see me as his biggest enemy. I cried myself to sleep that night but woke in a different frame of mind the next day.

The man I see now does not resemble the man that I fell in love with, that is because the man that I fell in love doesn't really exist. Instead of imagining the person that he could be and the person that I believe he really is deep down I need to accept that he is who he is, and that guy is not a very nice person at the moment. He has started taking loads of time of sick and hanging around with dodgy characters again and you know what? I couldn't care less, he is an adult who makes his own decisions and has nothing to do with me anymore. He is desperately trying to get a reaction from me - I see him watching me after he has done something as he is trying to press my buttons. Negative attention is better than none. Realising that, and not playing his game, has been liberating in a way. To realise that I was flirting with someone was quite a shock the other day too. I have spent so long not being able to imagine being with anyone else but him. I suspect part of the reason I'm liking this guy is that he appears to be the total oppsite of the XABF, hardworking, a bit shy, genuine etc. He is refreshing and I would like him as a friend if nothing else as these are the kind of people who I want in my life in future.

I'm also applying for new jobs and have an interview next week so fingers crossed that my ex will truly be part of my past ASAP. I wouldn't say I am completely detached at the moment but I am making big steps towards it.