Throw you off balance.......
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Throw you off balance.......
Hi All,
I got a phone call yesterday afternoon from you know who. I like how they pick their times right at the start of the weekend when I;m trying to plan to be busy so I don't feel lonely.
We talked about he house and then he starts talking about how we could get back together. I got him off the phone and left the house.
I was thrown off balance for the whole evening. went to two A.A meetings just to keep my head on straight.
It is not a nice feeling. My resolve gets shattered and I start doubting myself and second guessing.
Anyone else go through this?
Thanx
Ngaire
I got a phone call yesterday afternoon from you know who. I like how they pick their times right at the start of the weekend when I;m trying to plan to be busy so I don't feel lonely.
We talked about he house and then he starts talking about how we could get back together. I got him off the phone and left the house.
I was thrown off balance for the whole evening. went to two A.A meetings just to keep my head on straight.
It is not a nice feeling. My resolve gets shattered and I start doubting myself and second guessing.
Anyone else go through this?
Thanx
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Hi Earthworm,
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
You get what I mean. You'll know the translation for your particular case.
If he's in active addiction, you are speaking with the addiction. So answer it accordingly.
All best,
Bluejay
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
You get what I mean. You'll know the translation for your particular case.
If he's in active addiction, you are speaking with the addiction. So answer it accordingly.
All best,
Bluejay
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Reading PA
Posts: 46
Yes all the time that is why I am sitting here on a Saturday night all alone with nothing to do after I was suppose to spend my birthday weekend with my fiancee who set me up to be dumped while he is sitting in a bar drinking probably flirting with other women while I sit alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Whoa! That is so true and powerful. Great stuff-thanks. I'm gonna remember that one.
Originally Posted by bluejay6 
Hi Earthworm,
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
You get what I mean. You'll know the translation for your particular case.
If he's in active addiction, you are speaking with the addiction. So answer it accordingly.
All best,
Bluejay
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
You get what I mean. You'll know the translation for your particular case.
If he's in active addiction, you are speaking with the addiction. So answer it accordingly.
All best,
Bluejay
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
**{hugs}}
Yeah, and just think! What a prize those other women at the bar (who may also have their OWN drinking problems) are gonna get if they take HIM home! And how lucky you are to not have to be dealing with his drama!
If I lived on the east coast, I'd take you out!
Yeah, and just think! What a prize those other women at the bar (who may also have their OWN drinking problems) are gonna get if they take HIM home! And how lucky you are to not have to be dealing with his drama!
If I lived on the east coast, I'd take you out!
Originally Posted by Bohn05
Yes all the time that is why I am sitting here on a Saturday night all alone with nothing to do after I was suppose to spend my birthday weekend with my fiancee who set me up to be dumped while he is sitting in a bar drinking probably flirting with other women while I sit alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Hi Sandrawg,
recently I posted very similar question here on SR. And someone, I think it was StillWaters told me to: Play the tape!
And I do that and it helps, whenever I feel my thinking is starting to slip back in old patters, I rewind and play that tape again. I put all my present emotions aside and I just remember the facts of last seven years with my AH (Upon my request he left 3 week ago). That does it for me every time. I still feel sad, bertayed, abandoned, angry, sorry for him too, but none of it is changing my decision. In my heart I know I'm doing a right thing for myself and our kids.
Hope you make it.
recently I posted very similar question here on SR. And someone, I think it was StillWaters told me to: Play the tape!
And I do that and it helps, whenever I feel my thinking is starting to slip back in old patters, I rewind and play that tape again. I put all my present emotions aside and I just remember the facts of last seven years with my AH (Upon my request he left 3 week ago). That does it for me every time. I still feel sad, bertayed, abandoned, angry, sorry for him too, but none of it is changing my decision. In my heart I know I'm doing a right thing for myself and our kids.
Hope you make it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
He wants 4,000.00 for the house, I'm still wondering why I have to give him anything. My 135.00 an hour which I can't afford lawyer will tell me that in the morning.
He said this goes against everything he believes in, us breaking up. So I asked if he believes in calling the woman he "supposedly" loves a s#$t and a b#$%^h and accusing her of being unfaithful all the time. But he has an answer for everything.
Ngaire
He said this goes against everything he believes in, us breaking up. So I asked if he believes in calling the woman he "supposedly" loves a s#$t and a b#$%^h and accusing her of being unfaithful all the time. But he has an answer for everything.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by bluejay6
Hi Earthworm,
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
Maybe you could do what we often see done here: translate the real meaning of what he says to you. After the call or an email, write down the true translation.
For example: "Can we get back together?'
Translation: "Will you enable my addiction? Will you let me be dependent on you so I don't have to get clean and stand on my own two feet?".....
Originally Posted by bluejay6
You get what I mean. You'll know the translation for your particular case.
I want home where I can drink in peace and you can continue enabling my behaviour.
I need money for a place to stay as I lost my wallet during the drinking fest on Friday. Further translation-I need money for more alcohol.
Originally Posted by bluejay6
If he's in active addiction, you are speaking with the addiction. So answer it accordingly.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Well I just got a call. It was telling me that he has an opportunity to go to Toronto this winter to work. He'll love me forever and he hopes it's all been worth it and he won't bother me anymore and let me get on with my life. And he wants to see me.
I said good-bye and hung up.
Ngaire
I said good-bye and hung up.
Ngaire
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