Deeply Ashamed
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi Thumper. Here are some things I personally have learned:
The fact that you do not have family and friends close by, that you have physical contact with and emotional support from, reinforces your need to continue to go to Al-Anon. Please try to keep going.
The fact that we all continue to "give second chances" is an indication to me, that we, and you, have to follow our hearts. But at the same time, pay attention to our intuitions. When you are ready to let go, you will be ready, and not a moment sooner. There is no right or wrong answer, and no one else can tell you what to do, except you.
When the addicted or alcoholic person in our lives starts yelling at us and/or making threats, it comes from his own fears and anxieties. His use of yelling and threats are a mechanism the alcoholic uses to induce fear and anxiety in us. He knows instinctively, based on years of experience doing this, that our own fears and anxieties will "make" us stay with them. Don't fall for it. This is a strong reason for us to work very hard on recognizing what we want for our lives. It is helpful to disconnect the alcoholic from our wants and our needs. Recognize that what you are in is a codependent relationship. It is a much healthier choice for us to learn healthier alternatives for our relationships with others, i.e., interdependent instead of codependent. You can google any of these terms for more information.
The alcoholic also creates more work for us, and complicate and confuse our daily lives. You must recognize what the alcoholism is doing to distract you from the addiction and from your own peace and serenity. Then, you can see it for what it is and not get dragged into confusion, pain, drama, etc.
It is very important for you to recognize what his addiction is doing to you.
Related to you recognizing that each day is a good day, and that you have these children ... for me, it has helped also to be grateful to my Higher Power for these things. I remind myself morning, noon, and night, just how very fortunate I am-how very fortunate we ALL are, to have life and love.
I hope a word or two I've written is helpful to you.
The fact that you do not have family and friends close by, that you have physical contact with and emotional support from, reinforces your need to continue to go to Al-Anon. Please try to keep going.
The fact that we all continue to "give second chances" is an indication to me, that we, and you, have to follow our hearts. But at the same time, pay attention to our intuitions. When you are ready to let go, you will be ready, and not a moment sooner. There is no right or wrong answer, and no one else can tell you what to do, except you.
When the addicted or alcoholic person in our lives starts yelling at us and/or making threats, it comes from his own fears and anxieties. His use of yelling and threats are a mechanism the alcoholic uses to induce fear and anxiety in us. He knows instinctively, based on years of experience doing this, that our own fears and anxieties will "make" us stay with them. Don't fall for it. This is a strong reason for us to work very hard on recognizing what we want for our lives. It is helpful to disconnect the alcoholic from our wants and our needs. Recognize that what you are in is a codependent relationship. It is a much healthier choice for us to learn healthier alternatives for our relationships with others, i.e., interdependent instead of codependent. You can google any of these terms for more information.
The alcoholic also creates more work for us, and complicate and confuse our daily lives. You must recognize what the alcoholism is doing to distract you from the addiction and from your own peace and serenity. Then, you can see it for what it is and not get dragged into confusion, pain, drama, etc.
It is very important for you to recognize what his addiction is doing to you.
Related to you recognizing that each day is a good day, and that you have these children ... for me, it has helped also to be grateful to my Higher Power for these things. I remind myself morning, noon, and night, just how very fortunate I am-how very fortunate we ALL are, to have life and love.
I hope a word or two I've written is helpful to you.
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