jehnifer

I've been working on my boundaries and finally reached a point last week where I told my RAH I had had enough. His consistent targetign of me and the kids with his moods, criticism, "reasons for his unhappiness" were over. Remarkabley when I communicated to him directly that I would not live in a household like this anymore, he owned up to his part and committed to work on things. He says he is going to work on acceptance. So...I put the separation on hold.

My therapist warned that if it's not me or the kids he's unhappy with then it will be something else...and...I have seen this happen this week, now that he can no longer target us. He's still grumpy, complaining a lot, sulks, and is generally unhappy. The only difference is that it's toward other things instead of us!

I feel relieved that he hasn't been mean to me this week, but I am sad. For him. How horrible it must feel to be so at odds with the world. But he can change that. In fact he is the ONLY one who can change that! I owe it to myself to be happy whether he gets well or not...and..time will tell as to whether or not I want to remain in a household with this.

The things I have found so valuable through all this are: the people on this forum, alanon meetings, my alanon sponsor, and therapy. Thank you all...

Still Waters

Sounds like positive motion to me jehnifer For both of you.

Cowgirl1265

Its amazing what patterns develop when you force them to not point at you. Its like damming up the river...the water eventually finds another channel to flow through, just in a different direction.

How wonderful that your awareness is such now that you can see *and* recognize this in your RAH. I know that doesn't make it hurt less when you see him struggle, but kudos to you on your progress.