ellima01

And he has kept all his promises so far. He did not promise to stop drinking- I dont expect it at this point. I am seeing a family therapist next week,he refuses to go. I know he loves me (as much as a SELFISH drunk can) and God knows I love him- but my trust is gone- I worry every day that I will pull up in my driveway and find him gone again. He hasnt done anything since he has been home to makeme feel this way- but i have been thru so much lies and deception. I dont say anythingabout his drinking- but this morning he told me hewas goingto the liquor store- yest hewent and bought 3 liters of vodka and 18 beers- thats all gone in less than 24 hours- told him I am worried- he told me he doesnt want a sermon.- fine-
But AH makes bad choices when he drinks this much- how do I voice that to him without getting in an arguement? I am sick of being sick and scared, sick of being afraid every day that I may lose him again.

ellima01

You are right- I dont get much out of this. But this is what I guess I feel in my heart that I do get- I get to see the man I love and hold him every day, I get to see himkiss my baby girl good night every night, my stomach doesnt ache at night because I am scared he might be dead somewhere and I wouldn't even know it. I know how codie all that is- believe me I know how right you are- but thats what is in my heart- thats why i hang on so tight.

Pelican

all his promises so far. He did not promise to stop drinking- I dont expect it at this point. I am seeing a family therapist next week,he refuses to go

He did not promise to go to therapy?

Then it looks like things are working out great. For him.

If he is using his own income to support his habit, that is his choice as an adult. If he makes bad choices when he drinks that much, they are his consequences to deal with.

I don't see where there is a problem. Are you wanting to put additional conditions onto the promises he is already keeping? He will accuse you of being controlling.

Pelican

We posted about the same time, and now I see your response to Anvil's post.

I'm sorry, we have all done our share of magical thinking. "If I accept this, it will make him happy and we can be a family. " However, we end up completely miserable. It eats us alive from the inside out. We end up as a shell of our former selves. Can't think straight, can't concentrate, can't finish even a small task, and worry, worry, worry about how another grown up is living his life without our assistance.

You did not cause this,
You can not control this,
You can not cure this.

You will have enough love for yourself and your baby girl when you learn to let him go and let your HP have him.

Jadmack25

Quote from Ellima01: ((I am sick of being sick and scared, sick of being afraid every day that I may lose him again.))

Ellima, I hate to say this but feel I must.

You don't have him, the addiction does. You are making yourself sick with fear of losing what YOU DO NOT HAVE.

If you are ok with what little you receive from your man, then accept that is all you get.
If you want more from life than this, then I fear you will stay unhappy and fearful because he is happy as he is and doesn't want any change.

I felt as you do, and I would not wish that on anyone else: nor will I ever go back myself to that state of mind again, where someone else's addiction ran MY life, addled My brain and caused ME such pain.

God bless

smacked

I'm sorry.. but what promises did he make that he's keeping?

I know even as a small child I was absolutely disgusted when my drunk 'parents' would kiss me goodnight. I would hold my breath so hard so that I didn't have to smell the old and or new liquor coming from their orifices. Gross.