Very sick
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Very sick
I know I have friends here in this forum. Could you please read what I have posted in "Newcomers to Recovery"? My daughter and I desperately need help right now. I need all the support at this very moment that I can get.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
here's cath's original post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-sick.html
here's the text she wrote:
"I really hope this all comes out right. I am very sick.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-sick.html
here's the text she wrote:
"I really hope this all comes out right. I am very sick.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
cath-
i just called the pavilion and told this story annoymously to the admitting nurse.
they said that you should call child protection services to care for the child.
they also said you could call the police, who will come and help you.
they said they themselves would not be able to help you, as they do not deal with addiction.
please call someone to take your little girl to safety.
naive
i just called the pavilion and told this story annoymously to the admitting nurse.
they said that you should call child protection services to care for the child.
they also said you could call the police, who will come and help you.
they said they themselves would not be able to help you, as they do not deal with addiction.
please call someone to take your little girl to safety.
naive
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Hey everyone,
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It was wonderful to sign on tonight and see this.
I first went to the hospital on Thursday. I left the baby in the care of two wonderful friends who I have known for years, so she was totally safe and sound. Anyway, the first hospital, the Pavilion, would not admit me because I didn't have insurance. So that night, I went to my husband (we are living separately, but were still together) and begged for his help for myself and our daughter. He basically left us to rot and told me I was pulling this "crap" again because I was bored. He did nothing to help either of us.
Anyway, the next day, I went to a different hospital and was admitted for severe depression and alcohol abuse. It had its bad points, but overall was a good hospital, and they set me up with a social worker for the next couple of days who has set up a whole bunch of good programs for me and our daughter such as counseling, day care, health care, etc. And my friend is going to help me make these calls, fill out paperwork, go to the facilities, etc., etc. And I am going to make as many meetings as I possibly can, which I believe will be my true saving grace in the long run.
So my little girl and I are at home now, friends checking in on us, and we are both doing well. Thanks to my friends, we have a refrigerator full of food, our home, my phone back on in case I need to call for help, etc. It's a great support system. Tomorrow I will start making the calls I need to continue getting care for both of us.
Thank you again so much. I feel like you (and my children) kept me hanging on when I really needed it, and I hope I can still hold your hands as I make this journey into getting well. Love you so much...xoxo
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. It was wonderful to sign on tonight and see this.
I first went to the hospital on Thursday. I left the baby in the care of two wonderful friends who I have known for years, so she was totally safe and sound. Anyway, the first hospital, the Pavilion, would not admit me because I didn't have insurance. So that night, I went to my husband (we are living separately, but were still together) and begged for his help for myself and our daughter. He basically left us to rot and told me I was pulling this "crap" again because I was bored. He did nothing to help either of us.
Anyway, the next day, I went to a different hospital and was admitted for severe depression and alcohol abuse. It had its bad points, but overall was a good hospital, and they set me up with a social worker for the next couple of days who has set up a whole bunch of good programs for me and our daughter such as counseling, day care, health care, etc. And my friend is going to help me make these calls, fill out paperwork, go to the facilities, etc., etc. And I am going to make as many meetings as I possibly can, which I believe will be my true saving grace in the long run.
So my little girl and I are at home now, friends checking in on us, and we are both doing well. Thanks to my friends, we have a refrigerator full of food, our home, my phone back on in case I need to call for help, etc. It's a great support system. Tomorrow I will start making the calls I need to continue getting care for both of us.
Thank you again so much. I feel like you (and my children) kept me hanging on when I really needed it, and I hope I can still hold your hands as I make this journey into getting well. Love you so much...xoxo
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