Am I helping?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1
Am I helping?
Hello!
This is my first time on a forum in regards to alcoholism. I am in a rather new relationship with this guy I met while on a vacation. Right away we hit it off and it was great. We live in NY and if you may or may not know NYs nightlife is always happening. For the summertime I do not work. He is in AA and has been sober now for 7 months. He is constantly working and trying to better himself.
I am a very social person and I thought he was comfortable with it but after 2 months of being back in NY with him always working and me not working he does not think we are right for each other. He likes me and knows I could be good for him but finds my social calender on two totally different levels.
How can I make this work? Is there a way I should be with him since he can no longer drink?
This is my first time on a forum in regards to alcoholism. I am in a rather new relationship with this guy I met while on a vacation. Right away we hit it off and it was great. We live in NY and if you may or may not know NYs nightlife is always happening. For the summertime I do not work. He is in AA and has been sober now for 7 months. He is constantly working and trying to better himself.
I am a very social person and I thought he was comfortable with it but after 2 months of being back in NY with him always working and me not working he does not think we are right for each other. He likes me and knows I could be good for him but finds my social calender on two totally different levels.
How can I make this work? Is there a way I should be with him since he can no longer drink?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
How can I make this work? Is there a way I should be with him since he can no longer drink?
I guess I'm curious if drinking is a big part of your personal social life?
I am very social, I do lots of stuff out and about in the world, but they don't revolve around alcohol. I have recovering alcoholic friends and a brother...I could not socialize with them when they were active because their social lives revolved exclusively around bars and alcohol and parties and alcohol...they didn't want to hang out with me with no booze and I really can't be around that self-destructive active alcoholic energy, it is not good for me.
Now that they don't drink the last place I would expect to do something with them is in a bar or club, places that exist pretty much for the purpose of drinking. I'm not an alcoholic, I can go to a bar/club and have one beer and then drink club soda all night and I have a blast - so since I can take or leave alcohol it wouldn't matter to me where I socialized with the people I love - just so long as we were all having a good time!
I trust people to show me exactly what they are about. If a recovering alcoholic friend of mine didn't want to hang out with me where alcohol was present I would completely understand and then it is up to me: do I want to do things sans alcohol with this person? Or is that not going to work for me and therefore I have to let this person go out of my life?
I certainly wouldn't resent the fact that a recovering alcoholic doesn't want to be around alcohol!!! And in the case of my friend and my struggling brother I in fact support their need to now do social things where alcohol is not a factor. I am in fact, SO HAPPY to do sober things with them!!
I don't know if that helps!! Good luck-
peace,
b
I guess I'm curious if drinking is a big part of your personal social life?
I am very social, I do lots of stuff out and about in the world, but they don't revolve around alcohol. I have recovering alcoholic friends and a brother...I could not socialize with them when they were active because their social lives revolved exclusively around bars and alcohol and parties and alcohol...they didn't want to hang out with me with no booze and I really can't be around that self-destructive active alcoholic energy, it is not good for me.
Now that they don't drink the last place I would expect to do something with them is in a bar or club, places that exist pretty much for the purpose of drinking. I'm not an alcoholic, I can go to a bar/club and have one beer and then drink club soda all night and I have a blast - so since I can take or leave alcohol it wouldn't matter to me where I socialized with the people I love - just so long as we were all having a good time!
I trust people to show me exactly what they are about. If a recovering alcoholic friend of mine didn't want to hang out with me where alcohol was present I would completely understand and then it is up to me: do I want to do things sans alcohol with this person? Or is that not going to work for me and therefore I have to let this person go out of my life?
I certainly wouldn't resent the fact that a recovering alcoholic doesn't want to be around alcohol!!! And in the case of my friend and my struggling brother I in fact support their need to now do social things where alcohol is not a factor. I am in fact, SO HAPPY to do sober things with them!!
I don't know if that helps!! Good luck-
peace,
b
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