This is generalizing to other areas of my life
 

After reading Codependent No More, I'm really trying to apply it. It's getting a bit easier and I did it 2x again this week when AH wanted me to (yet again) supply info to his atty. Didn't do it.

Anyways, learning to take care of myself and not control others or things I can't control has generalized to other relationships. It is so freeing. Before, I would have assumed their problem as if it was my own and I find myself no longer doing that. Listening, being there for support, but not obsessing and realizing there is nothing I can do to make it better.

It is not that I don't care, but I'm not getting "involved" so to speak. Hope that makes sense.

Thanks everyone. I'm learning and reading and growing every day!!!

((( whyamistaying )))

It's liberating isn't it? :)

It feels great. I found beer hidden behind a tree and I didn't even get mad. The "old" me would have stewed about it all day.

The first few times I practiced being non-codependent was weird. I remember having to tell my mom that I didn't pick AH from the bus stop or that I didn't return the atty call. Now, I don't have to tell anyone. I'm just doing it. It feels really good.

AH is trying to pick fights though on a daily basis. ABout how much he does for me, ect. I am just letting it roll off and not engaging in a fight.

Mind you, I'm not perfect. By far. But I sure wish I had found this site many months ago. It would have saved me so much money. I wouldn't have agreed to attys and rehab and a host of other things believing he wanted to change. But I'm smarter now. (Not smart enough to leave yet obviously), but I still think I am smarter.

Thanks everyone.

From someone who did leave.....you need to know that leaving does not make you any smarter than staying. I used to find myself saying things like this often and someone at Alanon pointed it out to me. Look at all you have done! Celebrate it, and don't even hint at saying you are not a wonderful, amazing, smart woman. You are!

:You_Rock_