Ugh...EXAH is out of jail

Old 08-12-2009, 11:12 AM
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Ugh...EXAH is out of jail

Apparently my EXAH has pled guilty to the charge of impersonating a police officer and they have decided to give him time served, so he is out of jail. He had been in since last October on an unrelated charge.

I have a restraining order against him that is still in place (after he threatened to kill me and burn our house down), so he can't have any contact with me. Or even come on the property. But, it's not me I'm worried about. Our son (who will be 17 in November) had gotten pretty comfortable without his dad being around, now the phone calls will start again. The emotional roller coaster, for him, will begin again.

The court ordered visitation states that visitation is only once a week, for one hour and supervised by EXAH's father. However, my ex father-in-law doesn't know his son is out of jail(and apparently that's the way EXAH wants it). I am hoping that my EXAH doesn't try to coerce our son into secret meetings with him.

Life was so much simpler when he was in jail. I knew where he was and I knew he wouldn't be bothering anyone.

I don't have a problem with him contacting our son, I just know how easily our son can be manipulated. Despite everything, the man still is his father and he would do anything he asked him to do.

I do understand that he is on probation, so if he messes up just one time he will go back to jail to serve his full sentence (whatever that may be).

It is just so complicated!
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Old 08-12-2009, 12:50 PM
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Ah, shoot. That's too bad. I'll bet it was nice to be free from this drama-rama for a while...

Doesn't the restraining order prevent him from having contact with his son, outside of stated visitation? And if he violated that, wouldn't that send him back to jail?

And why doesn't EXAH's father know that he's out of jail? How do YOU know? You would think someone would tip him off so he can make appropriate decisions.

Can you talk to your son and lay all this out for him, so he's not blindsided by the manipulation? Do you two communicate well?

It may have been easier when he was in jail, but the reality is that he's not....it's a new landscape that has to be dealt with, with all the doors closed and locked against him. Wishing you peace and strength - and hoping that All of your fears turn out to be unfounded!!!!
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Old 08-12-2009, 01:17 PM
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It was nice Givelove...but shortlived, unfortuantely.

The RO does not prevent him from having any contact with his son. It's only for me. EXAH is free to contact our son as often as he likes (as long as he's not on the property of course).

EXAH's dad does not know he's out of jail because they haven't communicated much. My ex father-in-law decided not to play games with EXAH, so EXAH stopped speaking to him. EXAH was once a police officer. I know he's out of jail because his one time coworkers told me he had been released. They have pretty much been keeping an eye on us ever since EXAH was asked to leave his job.

My son and I do communicate...as much as you can with a teenager. I still think though, as a child, it's hard to not fall into that manipulation trap when you want so badly to be accepted by your father. We will continue, however, to talk about the situation.

Thanks for the wishes of peace and strength. I do tend to worry about things that may never happen. I'm working on changing that one!





Sue
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Old 08-12-2009, 02:53 PM
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hey suzieq!

I agree with GL the best thing you can do is keep on getting healthier and stronger and be an example for your son. Also that its important he knows he can count on you at the end of the day...

Its too bad if he is let down by his father again. But remember its not under your control. You cannot control what he says or what your son believes or not. Hand your son to God/HP...

Man, easier said than done huh... stay strong.
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