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One day sober

Old 09-04-2003, 09:56 AM
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One day sober

Does anyone elses "A" take one day not to drink after over doing it the night before?? If you read my last post about how he came home drunk from the bar, I knew that night that he wouldn't drink the next day, and he didn't. I bet he does tonight! Just wondered if it is a usual thing.
 
Old 09-04-2003, 10:06 AM
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Yep! Mine does the same thing. He feels terrible the next day after he drinks too much - not just feeling bad because of too much alcohol, but because he knows he bothered me. So he takes a day to recover and then the next he feels fine again and thinks that he can "control" it this time, but of course he can't. I think it's just a vicious cycle. The counselor last night said something really interesting. He said that alcoholic's brains don't interpret things correctly. That the reasons they think they drink are not the real reasons - but the actual addiction. Their brain just tells them that it's because they "want to relax". So it's more difficult for an addict and the disease is so complex, because they can't rely on what their brain tells them. They have to against what they think and realize that what they think is not what is real.
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Old 09-04-2003, 10:12 AM
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My answer to your question from what I know is yes-if A feels crappy enough there is no incentive to drink but once fine...

As for that "way of thinking" your counselor told you about...we see that with eating disorder patients too...in their case, starvation (for anorectics) is the addiciton. We talk about their "anorectic voice"--not that they hear voices, but that it is their disease directing their actions. So we try to pick up on and cultivate the things they still believe that are counter to their illness. Not easy!
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Old 09-04-2003, 01:26 PM
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It depends on the A...from my experience. My ex AH would drink every day no matter how drunk he'd been the day before. A bloody mary first thing in the morning would help stave off the hangover, he said.

My current AH is a binge drinker: he could go days, sometimes a couple weeks without drinking anything, but when he binged it would last for days, sometimes a week or more of morning to night drinking. Right before he went into treatment this past May, he could last a couple of days on just a beer or two before he would binge again. Binges were whiskey time for him.

I think it depends on each individual how much or how often and I don't think that part is even relevant when you really think about what addiction is and how it affects their brains compared to one who is not an addict.
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Old 09-04-2003, 02:22 PM
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No once he starts on friday night, I can just forget about the rest of the weekend. He never sleeps late, up by 6 or 7am no matter how much he drank the night before. Then like a vampire, when dusk hits he's at it again.

Monday he goes to work stinking of alcohol.

Oh well, started my meds. today, can't handle the chaos alone, needed help!!!

Take Care, Cindy
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Old 09-17-2003, 06:16 PM
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Hmmmm. Mine isnt like any of yours.

He worked everyday. He could go for weeks or months without drinking. He very seldom drank alone. Always with other guys. Mostly at a couple bars where all the guys from work drank.

It was like alchohol didnt "call" to him but sometimes once he started he didnt have enough sense to stop.

He never barfed all over but he did pee the bed a couple times and I left him lay in it.

He would get on a subject and repeat himself until you wanted to kill him just to shut him up. Do they all do that?

I hated that stale beer in the pores smell too.

Mine said he had a problem but only cause they made him. He still thinks he doesnt have a problem. He used to brag about how much he could drink. It was a badge of honor and his cronies would brag about him and egg him on.
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Old 09-17-2003, 07:28 PM
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My A prefers to drink all the time. He seldom has a hangover, he gets right back up, has his coffee, then opens a beer and here we go again. Sometimes he doesn't eat at all, sometimes he just eats some cookies or crackers. He stops when he is out of beer or when he gets into a lot of trouble. He may take a day or two off inbetween. One time he got in so much trouble he didn't drink for 4 days. He never intended to quit, he was just letting things calm down.
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Old 09-17-2003, 07:35 PM
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oh - he does preserve the job, when he has one, doesn't drink before work, very little after. But any day off or when he is not working, look out. He is not working now.

I just really don't know what I am going to do. I want to take the time to get educated.
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Old 09-17-2003, 07:45 PM
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Funny, but I was going to post a new thread, but this fits!!!
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Old 09-17-2003, 07:50 PM
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OOOPs. pushed the wrong key!!!

Anyway, mines was a bad bad boy- went out 1pm sat, got home 4am monday, having blown off plans we had Sat nite. He apologized again, even promised our kids he would NEVER be away a day again (I'm not happy about that one)

He has not drank since-- however, he was an absolute BEAST tonite. He wants to drink, and he probably will tomorrow nite... Usually, he only waits about 2 nights before drinking again (this is 3-- whoop dee doo!!!)

The longest he has gone was 5 days.

Tonite, he was just short tempered and crabby. That's how I know he wanted to drink-- he gets this "tone" to his voice-- defiant, and says he's going out, daring me to say no!!! Like I could keep him home!!!
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Old 09-17-2003, 08:15 PM
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I really feel what you all are saying....My A will go days or even weeks without drinking. He knows it upsets me. When we first got together he never drank, making me feel like it was not something that was important to him, so imagine my surprise when it started. Anyway, he will go for weeks, then all of a sudden it is 3 times a week, then 5 times a week etc. The problem is not so much the drinking, I have nothing against drinking and in fact would like to be able to sit down and have a glass of wine with dinner or a beer with dinner, but no. He has to drink until it is gone, every last drop of it. I think his issue is with limits, as in he seems to have none. He doesn't drink to have a drink, he drinks to get completely drunk, which is no fun for any of the rest of us. Of course he says he drinks because he likes it, it relaxes him, he works hard at his job and deserves to do what he wants on his days off. As if on my days off, I really find it relaxing to do his laundry, take care of the kids and clean the house! Sorry I don't mean to go off here, it's been a rather long day!
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Old 09-17-2003, 08:51 PM
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Im so stupid I never thought mine was an alkie till the Brouha. Then everybody said he was so I started looking into it. I just thought he was naturally a jerk. LOL. I always thought alkies drank everyday and barfed on themselves and stole the rent money. Mine stayed out late but he usually came home when the bars closed. Never did any two or three day trippers.

His father was an alkie and he refused to have anything to do with him. He was so adamant about it that it never occured to either of us that he was one too.


Been educating myself. It seems some people have "addictive personalities" and its hereditary. That means if someone else in your family was an alkie then the gene could be passed to you. That doesnt mean you automatically become one but once you start to drink your body becomes addicted. Itseems that addictive people are addicted to anything that makes them "high". Cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, gambling, speeding, danger, etc.

Anybody else heard of this?
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Old 09-18-2003, 06:19 AM
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Yes, I've heard of this, individuals are born with a tendancy toward addictive behavior. In my case my AH father was and A and his Gfather was and A, and died in a car accident under the influence. His only brother is and A and several relatives are A's

Could this be true?? I've often wondered if a medication could help my A supress this distructive behaviour?
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Old 09-18-2003, 02:03 PM
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I don't know hard evidence about this, but it sure makes sense to me. I know that I am always attracted to the "bad boys" that I feel like I can change....don't know if I feel like by making them change that proves that they love me enough? Does anyone know why I seem to gravitate to these people? My ex-husband was not an Alcoholic, did not even drink at all, had no desire to. He was good to me and good to the kids, but for some insane reason which I still don't understand, while I did love him, I was not happy, I was bored. Our marriage failed mostly because of this. Since then, I have been attracted to the ones who everyone tells me is an ass. It's like I have to prove them wrong or something. Why do I do this? As far as the other comments, I was reading somewhere about what is called a "functional alcoholic" They are able to hold down jobs, etc. While this may be a good thing in some ways, I think it also gives the A justification. I know mine always says "I am not an alcoholic, I get up and go to work every morning." Is this normal? I am just so confused right now. I am planning on going to my first face to face Alanon meeting tomorrow night. Until then, I am just trying to hold on, and trying to make it through and understand why I am so set on controlling my environment. Any ideas or comments would be much appreciated. Thanks
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Old 09-18-2003, 02:57 PM
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Ms Understanding and any one else who cares to read my opinion!

Good for you.
Your first Al-Anon meeting..I hope you feel as much at home as I did, even through the only things I remember were the 3"S and holding on to the "Just for today bookmark" as if my life depended on it,,,,,( It did at that point ) For one whole week I read that bookmark over and over. Carried it with me every
where. I even got so I could read one more paragraph at a stop light...

The Al-Anon program is simple, If someone else's drinking is creating problems for me; I need help to deal with it,,,To me it doesn't help to try to firgue what kind of an A he is, nor if he is the "normal" A, the why's would drive me crazy...

when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired....

I decided to KEEP IT SIMPLE. I was the one who needed help and for the first time in my life I made the choice to help me...
Funny but when I began to use the tools, got a sponsor, work the Steps, ; our home life became more peaceful and I was happier.

Hope that gives you something to think about til you get to a meeting...

God bless.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:20 PM
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Well, as per my post above-- I was right. He did go out tonite, a day later than usual!!!
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:39 PM
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Truthfully its been so long since mine took a drink that Im starting to forget some of it. Usually Fri was a biggie. And if he went any place Sat he usually stopped afterward and closed the bar.

After the Brouha he said he would never touch another drop. I told him if you do, youre on your own. Im serious, and he knows it. He never touched a drop during the 6 mo he was out on bail before the sentencing trial. And he sure cant get any now. I just wish it hadnt taken all this to get him to stop.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:43 PM
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Mine hasn't had a beer since last Sunday. He of course can't see it but boy does he need one bad and he is chomping at the bit for tomorrow night.
He's been grumpy and knit picking all week and more so today.
As I said...he can't see it but because I've been seeing it for so many years, it's so plain and simple.
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Old 09-18-2003, 08:46 PM
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I don't know if mine has had a drink or not. He hasn't been here since Sunday. I have talked to him on the phone and he hasn't had his drunk voice on. Not that this means much, but I am not really worrying about it. He isn't here, so I don't have to deal with it if he is. Something interesting happened today though, he has been calling me and telling me how much he misses me. Usually this is 11 or 12 at night. Could it be he misses "sleeping" with me? I know I know, I am such a critic. Anyway, yada yada, I call him today and immediately he starts telling me all the things I did wrong, have done wrong to him etc. He was telling me how much he missed me, but yet still finds it in him to criticize me, still blaming me for him being the way he is, for him drinking like he does. I am so sick of this blaming, like he has no choice. So, I just told him I needed to go(I was at school) and I havent answered his calls since....I am going to give myself the weekend and go to a meeting on Friday and again on Sunday and then see where I stand and how I feel. I kind of felt like maybe he did miss me, but now I see that he just misses having someone to justify his actions.
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Old 09-18-2003, 09:11 PM
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When I would get enough of mines criticism instead of arguing I would agree with him. Its real hard to argue with some one who keeps agreeing with you.


You are so right. I am such a horrible person. I dont know how you can stand to put up with me. If I was you I would drink too. Im surprized you dont drink more.

Told you I was passive agressive. LOL.
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