Withdrawal from the Madness?
 

Is it possible I'm going thru withdrawal from my crazy life with the alcoholic? 1.5 weeks ago we settled my restraining order. It was granted for 3 years. He showed up but didn't contest it. Now I have a decent guarantee he is out of my life, though i know a RO is 'just a piece of paper'. (He's one of those guys that's scared to death of the law and anyone who stands up to him- now I fit into the latter category.) I'm glad I got what I needed/wanted but it's so weird without his craziness. I feel a little lost, like a big piece of my daily thoughts have been removed. They have, really. I used to worry about him and what /when he'd bug me again. You know, what will he write or say next? Something nice? And in the back of my mind I hoped he'd find the magical words/deeds to fix our relationship. I know that's not possible and I'm proud of myself for taking the steps to rid myself of his crap. But I still feel strange. I also feel like I want to go through some big changes all of a sudden. I have the urge to quit my job, move to a new town, go back to college, etc. Is this a common phenomenon? Or is my restlessness even related, do you think?

Be easy on yourself. Of course you're going to miss the drama and having him as the focus of all your thoughts and energy. Readjusting will take time. Use all that energy to put the focus on you and what you want to do with your life. You have all this spare energy now that used to be wrapped up in him - find something to do that you enjoy - something just for you and treat yourself! Have some fun! This is an opportunity to put you first.

I can relate. Once my husband was sober, the past 8 years of insanity hit me. Throughout the time I had been blocking feelings and once I no longer had the drama happening, I realised how much it had affected me. I can't say I missed the drama but suddenly I had time on my hands to think and worry about me. And some of it, I didn't like what I saw.

The first night I spent in my own flat, all alone was amazing. I expected to sleep the clock around because I had organised the move, and had survived on 4 hours or less, of sleep at night for that last 2 months. Could not sleep a wink, and looked awful next morning.

Of course this was because I was living with cleanliness, order, peace and no mumbling drunk sitting on the porch drinking, or lurching thru to get another jug of wine. No abuse or fear of any for the first time in ages. My body and mind clocks had been programmed to expect each evening, what had been done each evening, and were still in that mode.

It took me nearly a week before I collapsed finally and really slept - for 17 hours. That was a blessing, but it took a fair bit longer before I was re-programmed to my new life and the peace it brought.

Give yourself the best care you can, try all you can to relax and appreciate the new you, and lifestyle you now have.

God bless

Yes...not only is it possible...it's HIGHLY likely. I was "addicted to the drama" if you will and when I kicked xabf to the curb - I felt like I had been picked out of a tornado and set down in the middle of nowhere. Weird? Yes...but common I think.

Hang in there - it will subside, though it took me awhile.

yes i also have the urge to move, get new job, move to another state, just do something to get to a next step. but everyone says take the time to get to know yourself and what you truly want. im working on that myself

I totally relate. The first few weeks I found myself sort of just wondering around the house almost not sure what to do. It was quiet and I was pretty lonely.

When he was here, the drama was constant. But there were also some fun times. We both shared a great love of music and always had that on. So I'd turn up the music and then get depressed and sit down and cry. Ugh!!

It has gotten easier though. Every now and then something will trigger my drama addiction, but it doesn't last long.

The other day I was sitting outside on my deck looking at a big mess he'd left behind. In other words, one of many projects he started and never finished. Then I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and realized I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

I don't really have the feeling of wanting to move or anything...yet! But I do find myself wanting to completely redecorate my bedroom, fresh coat of paint, new furniture, new everything!