My shame...
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
My shame...
Hi guys,
I had a meeting last night, and I always look forward to them
.
It was the first wednesday of the month and we made a group conscience decision to study one of the steps and corresponding tradition at these times.
Last night was
Step 4.
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"
We all took turns sharing on where we were with the step, how we did it; or how we're thinking about doing it... and what we've learned of ourselves by doing it.
Well... I shared that one of the ways I approached this step was to start at the beginning (age 4 or so), and work my way up; remebering emotions, patterns, and the overall good and bad characteristics of myself.
I shared that by delving into this step, I was able to move on with the issues surrounding my mother. I forgave myself of the rage and anger I felt towards her, and I forgave HER for making her "regretable" decisions. I shared how wonderful it felt to "let go" and move on...
And then I told of what I have NOT yet focussed on - my feelings about myself.
I proceeded to talk and as I did, a lump formed in my throat and the tears began to fall... I talked of the tremendous shame I felt over all the decisions I have made, and how shameful I was, just being me.
I realized that although I am grateful for so many things and people in my life, that I am never satisfied with myself.
In High School, I was the "Quiet, shy and beautiful" one. The one that the boys wanted to "get with", ad the girls wanted nothing to do with. I was so shy that I was not able to show eveyone who I really was; my gifts, my talents... my personality. So I hid behind my vanity; As long as I was "beautiful", I was accepted.
And it is very much the same way today.
I spend too much on make up and hairstyles, and clothing... on bras that make me look "bustier", on clothes that hide the fact that I've had 3 kids... I dream of breast implants, and tummy tucks; on anything that will keep me looking good for as long as I live... Because I feel that if I do NOT look good to everyone else, than I am simply not worth it. My beauty is and has been the ONLY thing I have received praise for...
And last night I just cried and cried.
I don't want to live like this anymore - it scares me.
Last nights meeting brought out so many feelings. It made me realize how shameful I am of WHO I am... It made me realize how much work I have yet to do.
Thanks for listening guys... Betcha weren't ready for THIS one!
It is nice to know that there is a place where I can come and share these things - these deep, dark, nasty little secrets.
Take care,
Meg
I had a meeting last night, and I always look forward to them
.It was the first wednesday of the month and we made a group conscience decision to study one of the steps and corresponding tradition at these times.
Last night was
Step 4."Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"
We all took turns sharing on where we were with the step, how we did it; or how we're thinking about doing it... and what we've learned of ourselves by doing it.
Well... I shared that one of the ways I approached this step was to start at the beginning (age 4 or so), and work my way up; remebering emotions, patterns, and the overall good and bad characteristics of myself.
I shared that by delving into this step, I was able to move on with the issues surrounding my mother. I forgave myself of the rage and anger I felt towards her, and I forgave HER for making her "regretable" decisions. I shared how wonderful it felt to "let go" and move on...
And then I told of what I have NOT yet focussed on - my feelings about myself.
I proceeded to talk and as I did, a lump formed in my throat and the tears began to fall... I talked of the tremendous shame I felt over all the decisions I have made, and how shameful I was, just being me.
I realized that although I am grateful for so many things and people in my life, that I am never satisfied with myself.
In High School, I was the "Quiet, shy and beautiful" one. The one that the boys wanted to "get with", ad the girls wanted nothing to do with. I was so shy that I was not able to show eveyone who I really was; my gifts, my talents... my personality. So I hid behind my vanity; As long as I was "beautiful", I was accepted.
And it is very much the same way today.
I spend too much on make up and hairstyles, and clothing... on bras that make me look "bustier", on clothes that hide the fact that I've had 3 kids... I dream of breast implants, and tummy tucks; on anything that will keep me looking good for as long as I live... Because I feel that if I do NOT look good to everyone else, than I am simply not worth it. My beauty is and has been the ONLY thing I have received praise for...
And last night I just cried and cried.
I don't want to live like this anymore - it scares me.
Last nights meeting brought out so many feelings. It made me realize how shameful I am of WHO I am... It made me realize how much work I have yet to do.
Thanks for listening guys... Betcha weren't ready for THIS one!
It is nice to know that there is a place where I can come and share these things - these deep, dark, nasty little secrets.
Take care,
Meg
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: El Cajon, CA
Posts: 88
Meg,
Don't feel alone in this...I had a similar experience yesterday. After our marriage counseling session last night, I got in my car and the memories from my childhood all came flooding back. I was reflecting on who I was and why I am the way I am.
Memories of how I was sexually assaulted at 7 and how I tried to commit suicide at 14 all came rushing back. Memories of how my mother and father refused to deal with those two incidents and just pushed them under the rug hoping they would go away. My parents always wanted the world to see that we were good people, that we didn't have any problems. The problem was those two incidents were a reflection of how we never communicated, how my parents never wanted to "deal" with our issues - we always had to put a smile on our face and face the world.
I think I have been searching all my life to be accepted for me, but I was taught not to let people see the real me. That's why in every relationship I have had I try to make everything ok even when it is obvious they are not. I want everyone to just smile and be nice to each other - no why can't my A do that? I thought by helping the men I married to be happy, they would accept me and love me, but what they were getting wasn't really love from me, but a yearning to be accepted and a fear to let them see the real me.
I think we all have issues like this, Meg, and it is difficult to deal with them. That is why we pick the men we do - we just want to be accepted, but don't know how to share the "real" us. We're too afraid of being rejected if we stand up for ourselves and stop taking care of everyone else.
I almost think I should just live alone with my kids and alone after they are gone. I'm not sure I am capable of a healthy relationship. I like my solitude at the end of the day where I am free to be myself without fear of rejection from anybody. I'm just sorry I had to spend all these years hurting other people to figure this out. I'm not rushing into leaving my AH. I will focus on my own recovery and continue with marriage counseling, but I have a feeling it won't work.
Hang in there, Meg...know you are not alone - I think a lot of us have the same issues. We're not all alike just because of our A, but because of what is inside of us to choose A's.
Lots of hugs!!
Kitkat
Don't feel alone in this...I had a similar experience yesterday. After our marriage counseling session last night, I got in my car and the memories from my childhood all came flooding back. I was reflecting on who I was and why I am the way I am.
Memories of how I was sexually assaulted at 7 and how I tried to commit suicide at 14 all came rushing back. Memories of how my mother and father refused to deal with those two incidents and just pushed them under the rug hoping they would go away. My parents always wanted the world to see that we were good people, that we didn't have any problems. The problem was those two incidents were a reflection of how we never communicated, how my parents never wanted to "deal" with our issues - we always had to put a smile on our face and face the world.
I think I have been searching all my life to be accepted for me, but I was taught not to let people see the real me. That's why in every relationship I have had I try to make everything ok even when it is obvious they are not. I want everyone to just smile and be nice to each other - no why can't my A do that? I thought by helping the men I married to be happy, they would accept me and love me, but what they were getting wasn't really love from me, but a yearning to be accepted and a fear to let them see the real me.
I think we all have issues like this, Meg, and it is difficult to deal with them. That is why we pick the men we do - we just want to be accepted, but don't know how to share the "real" us. We're too afraid of being rejected if we stand up for ourselves and stop taking care of everyone else.
I almost think I should just live alone with my kids and alone after they are gone. I'm not sure I am capable of a healthy relationship. I like my solitude at the end of the day where I am free to be myself without fear of rejection from anybody. I'm just sorry I had to spend all these years hurting other people to figure this out. I'm not rushing into leaving my AH. I will focus on my own recovery and continue with marriage counseling, but I have a feeling it won't work.
Hang in there, Meg...know you are not alone - I think a lot of us have the same issues. We're not all alike just because of our A, but because of what is inside of us to choose A's.
Lots of hugs!!
Kitkat
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
((((((Meg and Kitkat)))))))
I am right here with you girls! I'm tired of feeling like this too, and it's almost worse with my husband being clean, b/c I can no longer hide behind his addiction as an excuse for my problems.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. You know you are never alone here - we all understand and are going through the same issues.
Not if we can just figure out how to stop living like this....
Hugs,
JG
I am right here with you girls! I'm tired of feeling like this too, and it's almost worse with my husband being clean, b/c I can no longer hide behind his addiction as an excuse for my problems.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. You know you are never alone here - we all understand and are going through the same issues.
Not if we can just figure out how to stop living like this....
Hugs,
JG
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Oh, Meg, consider yourself HUGGED!
You are so honest about your feelings I'd so love to be able to reach out a cross space and truly let you know just how wonderful you are. It is sometimes so hard just to deal with my feelings when they just seem to pop out when I least expect them to....I thought when I first came into Al-Anon that if I ever started crying I'd never stop....Crying in my family of in-laws was a big NOOOO. NO even at funerals....
You are so beautiful in your postings and I don't even have any picture of how you LOOK...Your beauty of the heart shows through.
Please remember the secrets we keep will keep us sick! When I shared my "deep, dark, secerts with my sponsor I just knew she'd never speak to me again....then she shared some of hers and we both cried together....It was so freeing to finally get them out in the open...
Take care and know that you are loved....
You are so honest about your feelings I'd so love to be able to reach out a cross space and truly let you know just how wonderful you are. It is sometimes so hard just to deal with my feelings when they just seem to pop out when I least expect them to....I thought when I first came into Al-Anon that if I ever started crying I'd never stop....Crying in my family of in-laws was a big NOOOO. NO even at funerals....
You are so beautiful in your postings and I don't even have any picture of how you LOOK...Your beauty of the heart shows through.
Please remember the secrets we keep will keep us sick! When I shared my "deep, dark, secerts with my sponsor I just knew she'd never speak to me again....then she shared some of hers and we both cried together....It was so freeing to finally get them out in the open...
Take care and know that you are loved....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Whew! You're right. I certainly wasn't ready. 
(((((( MEG!!!! )))))))
Your beauty is the only thing you have received praise for? I can change that right now. I am always struck by the kindness and compassion in your posts. Getting a response from you is like someone handing you a fuzzy sweater on a chilly day. I love the way you always participate in the hand-holding sessions, and all the warm laughs.
We can't see you... only your personality as it comes through in your words... and they are charming and beautiful.
Hugs,
Smoke
(((((( MEG!!!! )))))))
Your beauty is the only thing you have received praise for? I can change that right now. I am always struck by the kindness and compassion in your posts. Getting a response from you is like someone handing you a fuzzy sweater on a chilly day. I love the way you always participate in the hand-holding sessions, and all the warm laughs.
We can't see you... only your personality as it comes through in your words... and they are charming and beautiful.
Hugs,
Smoke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Part of recovery is like peeling away the skins of an onion, layer by layer. It helps us to examine that which we have buried so deep for so many years, but like peeling the onion, it stinks and it makes us cry.
But part of getting past the pain is walking through it (MG taught me that). And we can walk at whatever pace feels right for us, pausing to heal and rest along the way.
What you are feeling is a normal part of the recovery process, and it is part of learning exactly who we are.
However, and this is a big however, when working Step 4 it is often recommended to list your assets as well as your defects. It is important not to lose sight of all the good characteristics you have and keep everything in balance.
This is a perfect time to be gentle with yourself and to nurture yourself back to health. I promise that once you get past this (and please don't rush), you will see the benefit and purpose of going through this. As they say....more will be revealed. But first we have to keep building the foundation and we know when the time is right to move forward.
I'm sending big hugs and a pat on the back for sticking with this.
Hugs
Ann
But part of getting past the pain is walking through it (MG taught me that). And we can walk at whatever pace feels right for us, pausing to heal and rest along the way.
What you are feeling is a normal part of the recovery process, and it is part of learning exactly who we are.
However, and this is a big however, when working Step 4 it is often recommended to list your assets as well as your defects. It is important not to lose sight of all the good characteristics you have and keep everything in balance.
This is a perfect time to be gentle with yourself and to nurture yourself back to health. I promise that once you get past this (and please don't rush), you will see the benefit and purpose of going through this. As they say....more will be revealed. But first we have to keep building the foundation and we know when the time is right to move forward.
I'm sending big hugs and a pat on the back for sticking with this.
Hugs
Ann
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I like Smoke's answer better LOL. I usually do!!!
She's right. We can't see you and how you look doesn't matter to any of us. WE see your inner beauty, and in the end that's all that counts.
P.S. You should get a load of me sitting here some nights in my bunny slippers and funny housecoat and green facecream to help keep the wrinkles to a minimum. Not a pretty sight!!!
She's right. We can't see you and how you look doesn't matter to any of us. WE see your inner beauty, and in the end that's all that counts.
P.S. You should get a load of me sitting here some nights in my bunny slippers and funny housecoat and green facecream to help keep the wrinkles to a minimum. Not a pretty sight!!!
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: El Cajon, CA
Posts: 88
journeygal - you hit it when you said that it's worse when they aren't drinking, because you can't hide anymore. I know I end up coming across as a real b**** with no feelings. It hurts him to have me reject him when he's not drinking, but I can't help my feelings. I really just want to be alone - it's safer than dealing with the rejection.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: between the lakes
Posts: 60
Oh Meg! I'll bet your beauty inside always shines through! One of the things I have been dealing with is so related. Do you ever wonder if the only reason your husband married you is because you look good? I don't know if there is anything my husband could ever do or say to convince me otherwise. And I HATE it. I think I almost hate that more than anything about this relationship-even the addiction.
I wish I could figure the wording for the rest of what I'd like to say, but I need to think about it. Thank you for posting this.
I wish I could figure the wording for the rest of what I'd like to say, but I need to think about it. Thank you for posting this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Washington
Posts: 129
(((Meg)))
I’m still fairly new here and I read your posts and replies all the time, because the words you use and the way you say things are beautiful and kind. I don’t know what you look like in real life, but from the things you write I picture you as very loving, very kind and beautiful—inside and out.
Big hugs,
I’m still fairly new here and I read your posts and replies all the time, because the words you use and the way you say things are beautiful and kind. I don’t know what you look like in real life, but from the things you write I picture you as very loving, very kind and beautiful—inside and out.
Big hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
You rock Meg!!
All of your responses have been so dead on and helpful, it is suprising you feel that way!!
My problem is the opposite- when my A's problems surfaced, I was pregnant with twins and on bed rest. That did not stop him from leaving me alone a lot.
After I had the girls, he kept on with his partying, and I was left home alone with 2 infants many times. My response to this rejection was to eat, and I gained a lot of weight.
I have not been able to lose the weight, and I feel very unattractive.
"maybe if I looked better he would want to spend more time with me", etc etc etc. My self esteem is very low,almost non existent.
This has also been a bad week. I had posted earlier that he "pinkie swore" that he would come home from a party Sunday. Well, he did not and spent Monday boozing at his sister. He got home Tues am at 5am, then spent the day at our neighbors, boozing again. He did not go to work even though he was told he could not have the day off as too many people were out. Many times when he HAS to be at work for a certain reason, he takes off to drink. Wed and tonight he was very quiet when he got home. He said tonight that he had a very bad day at work. I'm wondering if he was read the riot act.
He will not talk about those things, tho. He is very closedmouth- unless it involves sports and booze!!! Then you can't shut him up.
This morning he wanted to know if I had $20.00 in the house. He just got paid Friday!!! He does give me money when he gets paid, but keeps a lot for himself. I paid for the wedding gift!! I paid for the birthday presents!!! I asked where his $ went, and he didn't answer, but he did say there was gambling involved. Probably the poker machine at the bar.
Right now he is taking the girls to the mall, as he had promised to do Monday.
Earlier today, I was looking at Narc Anon posts, and I guess I am luckier than most-- he has not stolen or hocked anything, and does not go into dangerous areas, but it still hurts!! and scares me!!!
My problem is the opposite- when my A's problems surfaced, I was pregnant with twins and on bed rest. That did not stop him from leaving me alone a lot.
After I had the girls, he kept on with his partying, and I was left home alone with 2 infants many times. My response to this rejection was to eat, and I gained a lot of weight.
I have not been able to lose the weight, and I feel very unattractive.
"maybe if I looked better he would want to spend more time with me", etc etc etc. My self esteem is very low,almost non existent.
This has also been a bad week. I had posted earlier that he "pinkie swore" that he would come home from a party Sunday. Well, he did not and spent Monday boozing at his sister. He got home Tues am at 5am, then spent the day at our neighbors, boozing again. He did not go to work even though he was told he could not have the day off as too many people were out. Many times when he HAS to be at work for a certain reason, he takes off to drink. Wed and tonight he was very quiet when he got home. He said tonight that he had a very bad day at work. I'm wondering if he was read the riot act.
He will not talk about those things, tho. He is very closedmouth- unless it involves sports and booze!!! Then you can't shut him up.
This morning he wanted to know if I had $20.00 in the house. He just got paid Friday!!! He does give me money when he gets paid, but keeps a lot for himself. I paid for the wedding gift!! I paid for the birthday presents!!! I asked where his $ went, and he didn't answer, but he did say there was gambling involved. Probably the poker machine at the bar.
Right now he is taking the girls to the mall, as he had promised to do Monday.
Earlier today, I was looking at Narc Anon posts, and I guess I am luckier than most-- he has not stolen or hocked anything, and does not go into dangerous areas, but it still hurts!! and scares me!!!
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Thank you, ALL of you...
It feels wonderful to receive praise for what I have shared with all of you on these boards - because I never have to hide here... my soul is easily revealed, when I sit down with all of you. I can't tell you how warm it makes me feel to hear that I have been of comfort to so many.
And you're right Ann, listing our "assets" are JUST as important... I will take these replies as a message to myself; "Take pride in your gentle way of helping and encouraging others" - THERE. It's noted.
Thank you also for sharing YOUR struggles of self-worth... it seems like we all have our demons.
What I found shocking was how our mind works in "protection mode", when we are not at all aware. I have always felt incomplete, unworthy, inferior... but not until the door was forced open, did it all come pouring out! It makes me wonder how much longer I might have held in these feelings, if I had not gone to that meeting last night.
So, I am curious now...
Where do I begin? I understand what the 4th step involves... but is it supposed to be in written form, or am I keeping the inventory in my head?
I am curious to know how others have tackled this one.
Oh, and BTW... you might be shocked to learn that I too sit at my puter in mud-masks and nighties; often stuffing my face with gummy candies and chocolate - SUGAR... my DOC
Thanks guys...
You have ALL inspired me so much
Meg
It feels wonderful to receive praise for what I have shared with all of you on these boards - because I never have to hide here... my soul is easily revealed, when I sit down with all of you
. I can't tell you how warm it makes me feel to hear that I have been of comfort to so many.And you're right Ann, listing our "assets" are JUST as important... I will take these replies as a message to myself; "Take pride in your gentle way of helping and encouraging others" - THERE. It's noted
.Thank you also for sharing YOUR struggles of self-worth... it seems like we all have our demons.
What I found shocking was how our mind works in "protection mode", when we are not at all aware. I have always felt incomplete, unworthy, inferior... but not until the door was forced open, did it all come pouring out! It makes me wonder how much longer I might have held in these feelings, if I had not gone to that meeting last night.
So, I am curious now...
Where do I begin? I understand what the 4th step involves... but is it supposed to be in written form, or am I keeping the inventory in my head?
I am curious to know how others have tackled this one.
Oh, and BTW... you might be shocked to learn that I too sit at my puter in mud-masks and nighties; often stuffing my face with gummy candies and chocolate - SUGAR... my DOC
Thanks guys...
You have ALL inspired me so much
Meg
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Meg,
You mean more to people here than you know!
I read you replies and your posts and feel like you are telling my story (I just don't write it out as nicely as you can).
Since, my husband has been in recovery I have really begun to focus on myself (actually, I started just before he got sober). But I think, at times, that I may be carrying it a little to far.
I guess I am a little jealous that he goes to meetings every night and has an 'outlet'. He is getting the help he needs. I look at going to the gym as my help. But, god forbid I don't get there on a day that I really 'need to go'! It appears as though I am being very vain. I really go for the time it allows me to be alone with my thoughts. Why do I worry what others think?
Anyway, please don't focus on the negative things you find in yourself. We all have many things that we are not proud of. Just know that your words have helped a lot of people (to me, one good action outweighs MANY not so good actions).
NoDoubt
You mean more to people here than you know!
I read you replies and your posts and feel like you are telling my story (I just don't write it out as nicely as you can).
Since, my husband has been in recovery I have really begun to focus on myself (actually, I started just before he got sober). But I think, at times, that I may be carrying it a little to far.
I guess I am a little jealous that he goes to meetings every night and has an 'outlet'. He is getting the help he needs. I look at going to the gym as my help. But, god forbid I don't get there on a day that I really 'need to go'! It appears as though I am being very vain. I really go for the time it allows me to be alone with my thoughts. Why do I worry what others think?
Anyway, please don't focus on the negative things you find in yourself. We all have many things that we are not proud of. Just know that your words have helped a lot of people (to me, one good action outweighs MANY not so good actions).
NoDoubt
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
Meg,
I also need to add that you are such a sweet and gentle soul and it definitely comes through in your posts.
You are always there with words of support and encouragement, even though you are dealing with all of the same issues that we are.
I think my problem is lately that I keep asking myself why he ever loved me. I still don't know because I'm afraid to ask. Mainly because I'm not sure if it's because of all of the things I've done for him and/or tolerated out of what I thought was love. Now, I don't know how he can love for those things because I have pretty much stopped that way of life.
I know what attracted me to him and it still does, it's just a shame all of this other mess was heaped on top of it and convaluded what was in the beginning, a really great and fun love affair.
Even with my new outlook and changing behaviors, he is obviously still attracted to me because he is very affectionate and tonight, even asked me if I wanted him to make me a cup of coffee. Now there's a shocker!LOL
I for one am very glad that you don't hide behind your pretty face here and I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with us to show the real beauty you have inside.
I also need to add that you are such a sweet and gentle soul and it definitely comes through in your posts.
You are always there with words of support and encouragement, even though you are dealing with all of the same issues that we are.
I think my problem is lately that I keep asking myself why he ever loved me. I still don't know because I'm afraid to ask. Mainly because I'm not sure if it's because of all of the things I've done for him and/or tolerated out of what I thought was love. Now, I don't know how he can love for those things because I have pretty much stopped that way of life.
I know what attracted me to him and it still does, it's just a shame all of this other mess was heaped on top of it and convaluded what was in the beginning, a really great and fun love affair.
Even with my new outlook and changing behaviors, he is obviously still attracted to me because he is very affectionate and tonight, even asked me if I wanted him to make me a cup of coffee. Now there's a shocker!LOL
I for one am very glad that you don't hide behind your pretty face here and I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with us to show the real beauty you have inside.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
No Doubt-keep oing to the gym!!! It can be a real stress reliever, and that is a MUST!!!
LST-I know where you are!! I feel so unlovable that I can't see why he would want to stay!!! Affection is rare. I have heard that woman's most potent sex organ is her brain. My brain does not feel loved!!!
I also wish I was as clever with the words as everyone here it-- I write "stream of consciousness"!!!!
LST-I know where you are!! I feel so unlovable that I can't see why he would want to stay!!! Affection is rare. I have heard that woman's most potent sex organ is her brain. My brain does not feel loved!!!
I also wish I was as clever with the words as everyone here it-- I write "stream of consciousness"!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meg
There is a link on "powerposts" at the top of this board, called 12 Steps Outline (oddly enough LOL), and there is a lot of info there about working the steps, and may help you with your 4th step.
Hugs
Ann
There is a link on "powerposts" at the top of this board, called 12 Steps Outline (oddly enough LOL), and there is a lot of info there about working the steps, and may help you with your 4th step.
Hugs
Ann
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Ann beat me to it. I was going to suggest that you read about the step. There are many ways to attack it.
Oh and I know I am late but I have to ask...what is so wrong with looking georgeous on the outside while beautifying the inside. I don't get the impression you are shallow at all...you seem thoughtful and caring, not to mention intellegent.
The 4th step is not to beat yourself up...it is about growing into the best person you can be.
Hugs,
JT
Oh and I know I am late but I have to ask...what is so wrong with looking georgeous on the outside while beautifying the inside. I don't get the impression you are shallow at all...you seem thoughtful and caring, not to mention intellegent.
The 4th step is not to beat yourself up...it is about growing into the best person you can be.
Hugs,
JT
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
((((MEG)))))
You kind and beautiful soul......We can ONLY grow to the level of our enlightenment.....Having said that maybe you"re more enlightened than you think you are....Your H.P must have believed you are or you wouldn't have been given the knowledge about the things you want now to change.
JT: That is one very good question; Just what is wrong with being georgeous on the outside and working on the insides? Why can't we be both? With or without the mud facials ladies, to me you all are beautiful....That's my opinion and I am intitled to it.
Consider your "beautiful selves" HUGGED!
You kind and beautiful soul......We can ONLY grow to the level of our enlightenment.....Having said that maybe you"re more enlightened than you think you are....Your H.P must have believed you are or you wouldn't have been given the knowledge about the things you want now to change.
JT: That is one very good question; Just what is wrong with being georgeous on the outside and working on the insides? Why can't we be both? With or without the mud facials ladies, to me you all are beautiful....That's my opinion and I am intitled to it.
Consider your "beautiful selves" HUGGED!
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