he is having a "few" right now
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
Getting mad about it doesn't help. How long are you going to put up with it? Not only does he have to reach his bottom to be willing to change, you need to decide when you've hit your own bottom. Nothing changes if nothing changes. My best to you. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh, I know that nonsense. I'd get a weak little smile and a "sorry babe, you know how it is" as he headed back out to the patio with a six pack for himself and his friend.
Did you ever do anything against the rules even though you knew you were going to get in trouble because in some weird teenage way it was worth it??
Yeah, it's kinda like that from his angle. Do what you can get away with. Drink it up before she blows a gasket and ruins the evening. Then drink to forget the fact that your girl is a party pooper.
Yeah, I've been there.
Alice
Did you ever do anything against the rules even though you knew you were going to get in trouble because in some weird teenage way it was worth it??
Yeah, it's kinda like that from his angle. Do what you can get away with. Drink it up before she blows a gasket and ruins the evening. Then drink to forget the fact that your girl is a party pooper.
Yeah, I've been there.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Are you mad at him?
Is he an alcoholic?
Then he is just doing what alcoholics do.
If you expect him to act in ways that non-alcoholics do then you are indeed setting yourself up for mucho anger since you haven't accepted yet that he is an alcoholic and accepted what it is that alcoholics do!
I struggled with acceptance for the longest time. I still strugglw with it. It is defintiely my bug-a-boo....
AlAnon helped me with it A LOT. Really turned my head around!
peace-
b
Is he an alcoholic?
Then he is just doing what alcoholics do.
If you expect him to act in ways that non-alcoholics do then you are indeed setting yourself up for mucho anger since you haven't accepted yet that he is an alcoholic and accepted what it is that alcoholics do!
I struggled with acceptance for the longest time. I still strugglw with it. It is defintiely my bug-a-boo....
AlAnon helped me with it A LOT. Really turned my head around!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Take a look at the dynamics....You get "mad" to control his drinking, he acts "sweet and nice" to control your mood. And around and around you go.
It really is crazymaking. I was here, on SR, for about 6 months before I got myself to a counselor and Alanon. It took me that long to figure out that I was the problem. Within 3 months of Alanon and counseling I was able to change my world. Now I live in a home that is alcohol-free, or should I say "alcoholic-free". I spend my evenings laughing and playing and enjoying stress-free family meals that my kids help me prepare. A year ago I was counting beer cans, digging through the trash looking for receipts, obscessing over whether he had been drinking and driving, and getting mad when he would hang out with the neighbor having a few.
My point is not to make you feel bad. You are new here, you have every right to vent, goodness knows I did my fair share of that. I just want you to know that there is oh so much more to life when you are ready to take it!
It really is crazymaking. I was here, on SR, for about 6 months before I got myself to a counselor and Alanon. It took me that long to figure out that I was the problem. Within 3 months of Alanon and counseling I was able to change my world. Now I live in a home that is alcohol-free, or should I say "alcoholic-free". I spend my evenings laughing and playing and enjoying stress-free family meals that my kids help me prepare. A year ago I was counting beer cans, digging through the trash looking for receipts, obscessing over whether he had been drinking and driving, and getting mad when he would hang out with the neighbor having a few.
My point is not to make you feel bad. You are new here, you have every right to vent, goodness knows I did my fair share of that. I just want you to know that there is oh so much more to life when you are ready to take it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 8
thanks for the replies
i let him go to bed and took dd to the library
put her to bed and now he is up from his nap and going to watch tv for a while. he even said " hun i will take a shower before bed" since that was a cause of a fight sunday
i let him go to bed and took dd to the library
put her to bed and now he is up from his nap and going to watch tv for a while. he even said " hun i will take a shower before bed" since that was a cause of a fight sunday
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Read blessed's post AGAIN.....I could have wrote the same exact post almost word for word....she is SO right on the money...
I did this kind of stuff too - and had a big knot in my stomach 24/7! These days that knot is gone and I'm living MY life without the "crazymaking" that comes with an alcoholic.
You wouldn't believe the difference....
It really is crazymaking.
A year ago I was counting beer cans, digging through the trash looking for receipts, obscessing over whether he had been drinking and driving, and getting mad when he would hang out with the neighbor having a few.
You wouldn't believe the difference....
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