I just want to SCREAM

Old 08-10-2009, 07:48 PM
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I just want to SCREAM

I won't rehash my on going tale... but the short version for newcomers is that

1. For almost 2 years, I have raised my xAGF's kids with next to no help from her.
2. Her 14yo son was SEVERELY abused by his bio dad.
2. She has been in and out of rehab for 5 months.
3. She has decided that she is ready to live on her own and that she needs her kids to come live with her so she can be a parent.
4. NO ONE but her believes she is ready.

So she has told her 14yo son that he is going to have to leave what he feels is his home to go live with her.

But then tonight, as a kicker, she tells him that part of the reason that he needs to go live with her is that "he needs a better father than what he has now."

I am the ONLY adult male figure he has ever trusted. He truly thinks of me as his father.

And she goes and tells him... the man you love... is not good enough for you...

I just want to SCREAM. She can think whatever she wants to think of me... I understand that it is quacking.... but WHY ON EARTH would you say that to a kid.... the person you love... isn't good enough for you.

ARRRRRG!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:03 PM
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Might I suggest going out to your car and screaming at the top of your lungs?!

It has helped me in the past.

I'm sorry you and this young boy were pulled into her drama. I'm sure he wants to believe her as his mother, but I bet his heart tells him the truth!

Take a few deep breaths. You are better than those comments!
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:03 PM
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Because she's sick.
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:29 PM
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Refresh me Train- Is there anything than can be done in your state for guardianship or custody on your part (with her addiction as primary cause)??

My heart goes out to you and this young man. You are doing what you are certainly not obligated to do when it comes to raising someone else's children. If there are so many against the idea of her being out on her own and worse yet trying to be a parent, surely someone could stand to support you in the best interest of the children.

Does California allow emancipation of a minor of 14?

I'm sorry, you've probably hashed all this out on here before, and I'm just now waking up to the situation. My heart is is just breaking at the idea of separating a boy at that age from a positive male influence in his life. We have enough disenfranchised youth in the world

Okay, now I need to sit in my car for a good scream, too!

Alice
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Old 08-10-2009, 09:00 PM
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Train. She is sick. Now she is emotionally abusing her son.

I do believe it is time to take the next step, go to CPS, you already said you are a 'foster parent' with them, and get the paperwork started to 'foster' him. Get them involved. There is no way, with her 'sickness' where it is, that she should have custody of her children.

I hope you have been documenting in a log book all the 'bizarre' things she has said and done, take that with you.

I know you care for these kids like you care for your own. J M H O, but I do believe it is time to take the next step to protect your step children.

Love and hugs,
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Old 08-10-2009, 11:42 PM
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Thanks to all for the words of encouragement and support.

I have everything documented and set to bring CPS in to the picture. The kids have been seen by a highly respected child psychologist. All of the e-mails and voice mails she has sent me have been reviewed by a different psychologist specializing in addiction.

And, my attorney has drawn up guardianship papers that can be filed on very short notice. I am consulting with my attorney tomorrow as to the right time to pull the trigger.

Her comments to her son only go to highlight just how broken her thinking is at the moment. The child psychologist was screaming over the phone when she heard what was said. The psychologist's comment was "that is perhpas the cruelest thing she could have said."

Just another reminder of the human cost of additction... often inflicted on those who are defenseless... the children.
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Old 08-10-2009, 11:59 PM
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Do the children have a CASA assigned to this case National CASA Ask the court for one if you can, they will talk to the children (they work for the children) and fill the court in on how the children feel/think, etc.
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:01 AM
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My exah did something similar to my then 4 year old daughter my informing her that he was not really her dad......in a drunken walk around the yard.....what a jerk he was that day......your story reminded me of that day in my life so very long ago as today my little girl a 25......

some of the crap they pull stays with us for years and years and years.

Alcoholism/Addiction is such a selfish disease......
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:16 AM
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Time to just step out of the picture. At this point your involvement in the picture is definitely bad for you and probably only confuses the children. She is sick, but it is no longer your battle. Sick or not it is her choice.
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:30 AM
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These people are so sick and disgusting it makes me want to throw up. It's bad enough they use and abuse adults. This story about the children, plus the situation I describe in my most recent thread about what that mother and that addict are doing to those children who just lost their father, make me also want to scream. I just cannot fathom what is WRONG with this world!!!
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:33 AM
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Sounds like you are making all the right moves, TWA. Good thing your xagf has been such a loud quacker -- had you been dealing with a more insidious type, you might not have taken all the measures you have to protect those kids.

I hope all goes well with the authorities, and the children come out of this with the best possible outcome.

Best,

at2
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:36 AM
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He (the 14 year old) will be watching your reaction to this closely.

He is old enough and smart enough to read between the lines and judge character for himself. His mother's and yours.

Your part is to act in character, WITH character, and let baseless accusations fall from you as water from a duck. When you are consistent and centered, it will give him a valuable parting lesson, as he gets torn from "his" home and the only "father" who has given him the time of day.

Show him that some messages are much truer than others, and don't need to be said with words.

Sending encouragement,

CLMI
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:39 AM
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Sending lots of encouragement and prayers to you and for the benefit of these two children!

HG
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:57 AM
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Originally Posted by totfit View Post
Time to just step out of the picture. At this point your involvement in the picture is definitely bad for you and probably only confuses the children. She is sick, but it is no longer your battle. Sick or not it is her choice.
I will be taking a step back... because the pyshcologist treating the kids is going to call CPS. She has a legal obligation to do so if she believes the welfare of the kids is in real danger.

She believes that threshhold has been reached.

It is out of my hands at this point.
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:39 AM
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TWA... from your posts I know how much you care for those kids...
Remember to place them in the hands of HP/God/whatever you want to call it....
Also, remember when these kids grow up (or now for the 14th year old) if they choose to they can keep in touch with you... even if they stay with their mom, they will grow up and would probably want you as part of their lives... even if its only by email for now if needed...
All the best.
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